My story at 34 - My parents

This one has been a long time coming - 20 years at least. Once I finally embraced being gay in December of 2011, things started steamrolling very quickly. I came out to my roommate, my mentor, my sister, my best friend, some classmates, and a few others, but the biggest hurdle, my parents, still loomed heavy over me.

The original plan was to tell them the first night of their visit, but that wouldn't be until the second week of May. Each person I had come out to has been extremely supportive and understanding. I knew that my parents wouldn't be any different, but when you've carried a burden for most of your life, those fears do not dissipate so easily, no matter how close and loving a relationship you have with someone. Like many on this forum, I staged practice conversations in my head for years. I covered every possible scenario and outcome, the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly. The desirable outcomes always outnumbered the bad, but it never stopped me from dwelling on them.

I finally texted my sister and told her I wanted to set up a Skype conversation with my parents. She agreed and said she'd invite them over for dinner and have the video chat later. At least that was the idea. Two weeks of delays and postponements later, we finally had a solid date and time for the talk. Unfortunately it feel on Easter Day. The way I figured it, Jesus wouldn't be the only one coming out of a cold, dark cave today.

The conversation pretty much went exactly how I wanted it to. They didn't even bat an eye, even though I was daubing mine with a tissue. Their primary concern was for my happiness and they were just concerned why I wasn't able to go to them earlier - even back in high school. As we all know here, it's just not that easy sometimes. Even with fully supportive family and friends like mine, personal fears and anxieties greatly outweigh any support network. This was something I had to settle on my own which was one of the reasons I chose to move to New York. I needed an environment away from everyone I knew and one in which I could safely explore beyond the closet doors.

The conversation lasted two hours. I outlined my new life with my parents. I wouldn't have a wife, but I would one day have a husband. I had been anti-marriage for many years because of my denials, but now that I'm fully accepting of being gay, I look forward to waking up next to the same man for the rest of my life. I told my parents that my self-esteem and my confidence are greater than they've ever been. I didn't tell them about all my suicidal thoughts or about the one time I ran a knife over my belly, but I didn't need to. They knew that this was something I struggled with and that there were moments of weakness, but that's all behind me now. Since coming to NY, I've lost 15 pounds, I'm eating better, enjoying an active social life, and drowning in homework.

All in all, it's been a very good year. My time here on EC has also helped tremendously and I would like to thank everyone who's responded to my posts with encouragement and words of advice. I'd like to leave with the e-mail I sent my parents. Hopefully it'll help those who are still trying to come out to themselves or to those they love.

Good night EC. I'll see ya'll in the morning.

 

Thank you all for the encouraging words. I wanted to update this and post the e-mail I got back from my father. It'll shed some light on the kind of relationship I have with him and who he is as a person:

You might ask, if I have such a good relationship with him, why did it take until I was 34 to come out? Well, the short answer is that the first person you come out to is yourself. I was/am my own worst enemy. I'm pretty sure a number of people here can relate.