Awkward elephant in the room

i dont think they dont wanna acknowledge it- i think its just a bit awkward for them to talk about, because they dont really know what to say. if you want to know, try initiating a conversation about it and see how they react.

for me, at first, it was a bit uncomfortable with a few of my friends, but now we talk loads about it. everyone reacts differently though, they may just need time to get used to it, or maybe they just genuinely dont want to make YOU uncomfortable. if you show that you're willing to talk, they will probably be more vocal with you xx

 

Nobody has asked me a single question about being gay, and everyone knows I am.

They probably just don't care about it or just simply don't want to know.

My girlfriends of course ask me things like "you think hes hot?" But they never ask me direct questions regarding homosexual activites or preferences.

Some may think you would take offence, my friends know I laugh at gay jokes and am perfectly confortable with my sexuality, they know I will not get offended about anything regarding being gay, maybe if you let your friends know the same thing in a subtle way they may ask questions, but mine didn't so maybe not.

 

I've only told 3 friends and my mom. Friend 1 refuses to accept it and doesn't ever bring it up. Friend 2 is very accepting and often talks about it with me. Friend 3 doesn't really mention it, but that's only because it makes no difference to him (in other words, he's totally chilled with it and thinks it's completely normal). And my mom thinks it's probably a phase and hasn't really brought it up since I told her.

If your best friends aren't asking you about it, I'd be willing to bet that they really don't mind. Maybe they always suspected and the news didn't come as a surprise? Or yeah, they might be afraid of offending you. If you think this is the case, you can always make it clear to them that you're open to discussion and don't mind answering their questions. And I think if you'd really like to talk about it with them, take it upon yourself to start the conversation and see how they respond.

 

That's how it was for me for some time. They just don't know what to say. They really thought that if I wanted them to talk about it then I would say something. But now they are being super cool.

 

Hey I dont think its because they dont want to accept it. When I first came out to my friends they didnt really talk about it because I think they didnt know whether to say something or not, the didnt know if I would be offended or embarresed. I suggest if you want them to know you are ok talking about it, either tell them that, or bring it up in social situations, like LGBT related things or guys you like, gay bars or whatever it is you would like to talk about it. Im sure they are supportive they probably just dont know what to say.

 

Like everyone already pointed out, I think it has to do more with the fact that people either don't care about it or that they don't know how to handle it after you come out.

As we see things get better we are also going to see a shift on how people treat coming out situations. Now that people are more educated about homosexuality(more than before at least), they simply don't have many questions to ask you. To some people, you basically told them you have brown hair. Since they know you have brown hair, they know how genes work, they know it doesn't change you, then why ask questions about it? They just accept it and move on.

Another thing to keep in mind is that some people are waiting for you to signal how you want them to treat the situation. Some people won't ever mention it since they don't know what to say, they don't want to insult your or they don't want to seem ignorant. Either way, its pretty much up to you to give people cues on how you want them to react. For example, if you want them to treat it like a normal thing then you also have to do the same thing. If your girl friends are talking about how hot a guy is, then join in the convo. If someone is talking about who they like also chime in. It might be awkward at first ( I personally didn't talk about who I liked with my friends until much later), but it should all feel more natural with time.

 

YEP!! And in some cases, they're respecting my feelings and waiting till I feel comfortable bringing it up.

 

Ya bro, my friends don't mention it at all. Honestly if even one of my friends was confident enough to actually talk to me about it, it would go very far in terms of helping me open up conversationally and gain confidence. I know they are "ok" with it, but its obvious that they are uncomfortable discussing it, or they think I am uncomfortable discussing it (which I am...) which makes them uncomfortable.

Its fairly disappointing because when you first start thinking about coming out its so easy to believe that everyone will be interested in talking to you about it, but not in my case..

I know if someone came out to me I would be really supportive and probably pester him/her to find out more about that side of them instead of just ignoring the subject..

 

The "problem" in these situations is really egoism. My coming out and problems with depression and acceptance and so on are to me the most important issue in my life. It is hard to understand that my friends actually have other things to think about.. I mean, I find myself for example talking to a good friend about music (or whatever) and inside I am screaming "but I have this problem that is killing me!!" and he just doesn't realize that; my sexuality is not on his mind and that's all.

That said, I guess I can put people in three groups of "not asking questions":
1. just plain not interested, like "oh you are gay? Cool. Listen, so I was thinking about checking out this new club..."
2. not interested in my sexuality, but not wanting to have to hear about my problems: "I don't have the energy to deal with your depression"
3. uncomfortable: "no, no, no, I don't wanna know, do whatever you like, but don't talk to me about it"

The fourth group would be those completely repulsed by homosexuality, not wanting to have anything to do with me, but luckily at least I don't have to deal with such people yet.

 

There haven't been too many people asking questions about it. Some did ask suff like if I had a boyfriend (no) or if I was sure about it (yes) and to whom I was out to. I guess they do not want to ask inappropriate questions. There's why my "little" brother did ask some questions as I told him he's free to ask me anything if he wasn't reluctant to get an answer. xDD (and I DO give complete answers)