Friend reactions?

Well I'm still working on telling most of my friends, but I told the ones who kept asking me who I liked, although I do trust them a lot. The person I trust the most I still haven't gotten to tell yet. One of my friends was completely shocked, and kept asking me if I was serious. One didn't give a shit (she didn't say it in those exact words, but pretty much). The other said "aww, I still love you!" then hugged me. If you don't want to tell everyone, then you don't have to. Just tell the one's that you feel you can trust and won't really care that much. Good luck! :icon_bigg

 

I'm kinda in the same place you are actually- except, I have mostly female friends, and I'm only oout to my sister and my parents. But, I have the same fears or worries as you do about coming out to my friends...

 

So far, I have only come out to one person and he is also gay. He was completely shocked. Like I had to snap my fingers in front of his face kind of shocked haha but once it sunk in he was totally fine. Apparently, I don't let it on at all that I am gay lol

 

Well noone really cared iv had some that were shocked, some that wernt and some that it was such a little deal it didnt change anything. But last week i had the first one to have a problem with it and all my friends are supposidly taking my side even though i would rather they didnt take a side and he would just get over it. I think this friend is a bit imature not homophobic, so hopfully hell grow out of it

 

I've told nearly all of my close friends, and while all were surprised (except the other LGBT one ), nobody was really bothered. They've all been supportive if I needed to talk, and pretty much said that it doesn't change anything. My one guy friend (who's also my housemate) also made it clear that he's still going to walk around in boxers. It's pretty much a non-issue.

Amongst this group are two religious people, one of which who has expressed previously that he very much disagreed with homosexuality. And neither of them have a problem with it. Of course, not all religious friends would take it the same way... but if they're really your friends, they'll probably decide you're worth a lot more to them than what they thought before.

Would I tell them all at once? I didn't, and wouldn't. The thing with being closeted is that we're very much in control of who does and doesn't know... throwing away all that control just to have everyone know at once wouldn't have worked for me. I'm cautious by nature, so each "coming out" was definitely thought up well in advance.

 

I recently told my best friend who is a girl and she handled it really well. She told me she'd support me no matter what, and that I could always confide in her. As of today she's the only person i've told, but just telling her i might be gay was a huge weight lifted off my chest. I live in a rural area where being gay is frowned upon, so i'm definitely waiting until after graduation to tell other people. Some of my friends are extremely religious, and I worry about telling them.

 

My conversation with my best friend was a bit nerve wracking as we've known each other for nearly 18 years. He wasn't bothered at all about my 'revelation.' He even stated that he had wondered if I was gay or not. We had a three hour conversation, with maybe 10 minutes of that about me being gay. I was greatly relieved that it changed nothing and that we could still go on about all the usual things we talked about. My one disappointment, though, has been that he really hasn't reached out or be as supportive as I had wanted him to be. It's not like I really wanted to go in depth about my years of hiding or emotional wrangling, but I did want to hear him say something along the lines of "You can tell me anything" or "Call me any time you want and we'll talk." I don't know. It was such a big deal for me to accept being gay and to come out to him, but he didn't really pay much attention to it. That sort of bothered me. After I came out to my parents, I sent a group text message to him and two other people letting them know I had finally taken that step. He's the only one who hasn't responded back and I don't know how to take that. Is it such a non-issue with him, or even worse, is he having second thoughts on me being so open about my sexuality now? I suppose the best thing to do is to ask him about it, but I also don't want to make it seem like I'm doubting his sincerity in our friendship. I think I'm just going to wait it out and see what happens. I freely admit I drastically over-analyze situations and sometimes read too much into things. *Le sigh.*

 

Hey

I came out as bisexual to my friends around age 18. I'd known for a couple of years and had told a few gay friends I knew outside of school before that but I didn't feel comfortable coming out to my circle of all female school friends (I call them "the girls") because of similar reasons you describe.

I came out to one of my closest friends first, a girl who I had already sussed as being okay with the gay. If you do have one friend in particular who you really trust I would suggest telling them first, they can help support you as you tell the others. When they see how that one friend is cool with it, why shouldn't they be?

I came out to about half of my girls at my 18th party. I was slightly drunk and don't particularly remember how the topic even got brought up. I admitted I had been worried about telling them and they said I never should have worried. One girl in particular asked quite a few questions, things like which gender did I like more etc. They were really accepting and the party continued on as before. One thing I would recommend is to let people know how far things you tell them can go. I told them that I didn't mind them telling the rest of our close-knit group but as I wasn't out to my family I didn't want to be the new school subject of gossip.

After that coming out, the subject of my sexuality was never really brought up or addressed for a while. It was almost like because of the way I had come out people didn't know whether it was something we could talk about or not. I wasn't even sure if people would remember it as we were drunk! I found it a strange time, I was out of the closet but it was almost like the elephant in the room situation, it just wasn't mentioned by myself or anyone else.

Things changed when I actually started dating a girl. I suspect my friends (as much of society does) doubted I really was gay in some way until I had a girlfriend. My relationship was short lived but it marked a change in the way my sexuality was thought of by my friends. The fact I was comfortable to be in a relationship, to talk about my then girlfriend, they realised it was okay to talk to me about it.

There are certain friends I know are more comfortable with it, I think you'll find it obvious who your's will be. Mine are the ones who'll ask questions about who I like and crack jokes about it (One of my friend's is a trainee midwife, cue another friend: so which of you have had your fingers up more women's vaginas?) . There are friends in the group I know whilst being accepting to my face, are not completely comfortable with homosexuality in general- one girl stopped watching a tv programme because of too many gay characters. Understandably I am not the closest of friends with this girl, but we are friendly enough.

With regards to addressing misconceptions and stereotypes, be prepared for ignorance, do your best to educate and give your friends a little time to get used to it. There are times when my perfectly accepting friends will display ridiculous ignorance or blurt out something fairly homophobic, I'm quite good at picking them up on it. Often they don't realise why whatever they've said is wrong or offensive. Be open and honest about your sexuality, let them know you'll answer their questions (as logn as they're appropriate).

After coming out, I realise I should have given my friends a little more credit and not worried so much. I'm am forever touched that one of my closest friend's mother offered me a room to stay in should I ever need it. For me coming out to my friends was a blessing. Living in a closeted life to my family is hardgoing and knowing I can go to the cinema with a friend and just say out loud "wow mila kunis is so hot" is such a relief. And always remember, a friend who isn't accepting of who you are isn't really a friend at all.

Good luck

 

I've only told 3 friends, my oldest and closest friend, on purpose.
The other two it kind of blurted out due to me being tipsy.
I do not plan on directly telling any of my other friends, not because I'm afraid or anything, but because I see no reason to. I won't start acting differently suddenly.
For example if I were to fall in love with and date a guy right now I would not try to hide it so it would be obvious.
What I'm trying to say I guess is, if people ask I'll tell them, if not they'll find out eventually since I'm not hiding it.

*Edit:
About (religious) friends possibly being anti-gay or something, if they truly are your friends they'll soon realise their mistake, because unless you are really hiding your true self, informing them you're gay won't change your identity other than the fact that they now know who you are attracted to. In other words be yourself and they should have no reason to treat you differently after coming out.

 

i told about 5 people before everyone else found out somehow...which was fine i didn't really care or anything but it made for an awkward situation when i didn't know one of my gay friends from school had been told specifically or just knew (never asked which) and we were in his car (this is only relevant because of what he asked but he is black) and he asked me if i liked black guys...I was completely unsure of where the conversation was going from there.

 

My coming out was a gradual process, I told a couple of friends, and then after a while a couple more, then as I felt more and more comfortable I told more. I am pretty much out to everyone now although there are still probably a few people that dont know.

It was a big worry of mine that my female friends would think I was checking them out, or that I fancied them, but really I havent noticed any of this.

 

I've only told two friends, and they're my two closest friends. I told them separately, the first in October 2010 and the second pretty recently, March 14, 2012.

I told the first friend because she just randomly asked me, and we were very close at the time so I didn't want to ever lie to her about anything. To this day I'm still confused by her reaction, but don't want to ask her about it.
She said: "well that's cool...but bi is gay. if you like the same sex at all you're gay. so...that's awesome lol" ....uh...ok?

Now, the second friend I told because I just couldn't hide it anymore. So I texted her. Her response?
"Nah dude I don't judge because of that I have friends that are bi and it's cool. but I'm glad you told someone instead of holding it in you know"
"I mean its you and you are how you are and it doesn't bother me dude"
"I'm not going to took at you any different, and plus I won't tell anyone"
I f***ing love my friends...

I think it's better to tell friends separately, with the exception of maybe one friend who already knows being there too, as support if necessary. I told both my friends through text, which I know is a little impersonal but I think is fine if you're too nervous to do it face to face. As far as being afraid to tell them...I was really terrified lol even though I knew they would be accepting. I'm pretty closeted so coming out is still a bit of a new scary thing for me. I'm not planning on telling everyone, because not everyone needs to know. Just the people I care about and trust...I'll tell them eventually.

 

At first I only told the ones I really, really trusted. I started moving up, with just other friends of mine, and soon I was out to the whole school and my circle of friends outside the school. I think it's better to work your way up rather than to tell everyone at once (but that's just my opinion), because it's less stress on you and you can tell each person when you're ready. But really, it's whatever you prefer. If you want to tell people one at a time, go for it. If you want to tell everyone at the same time, go for it.

The people I told have reacted fine. With the religion, I honestly think that if they can't accept you for who you are, you can't be friends with them, whether they're religious or not. However, my religious friends have took it fine after a little bit of questioning, and we just stay off the subject and we're still friends. With other girls thinking you're going to hit on them, this has never happened to me. All of my female friends took it okay when I came out to them and they weren't weirded out in any way. Things usually turn out better than you think, so just remember that. :icon_wink

 

I've told all my closest friends, and I've been extremely fortunate in that their reactions were totally positive. I did it in "groups", so to speak: I sent letters to two of my childhood friends at the same time, and brought up the topic while at a restaurant with a group of friends (to whom I'm now very close) that I met in my current city.

I have yet to tell my "best" best friends, though--the 'rents. My relationship with them means the most, and has lasted the longest, so I'm extremely afraid to tell them right now.

 

For most of us, it's a long, gradual process. Very few people come out to everyone at once. It's good to test the waters with a few people you trust the most, and then as you get more comfortable and confident, keep moving forward. The first ones to know when I was coming out were first of all my (at the time secret) girlfriend obviously, followed by my best friend/ex-boyfriend, and a few other close friends. My family came last, as I'm much more open with my friends and peers than my family, and because their opinions are what worried me the most. Take it at your own pace! Congrats on making your first few steps.

 

I'm basically ready to tell all of my friends except for one. But I can't tell some of the others because I'm afraid that they won't understand that I don't want my really religious friend to know. I've told a religious but open-minded friend but this guy is different. I don't know how he would act but his parents won't let him watch tv-shows with gay people in them, so I guess that they won't be too happy if they find out about me. And I don't know if he's used to the idea that people can be gay. He's really nice but somewhat brainwashed by his religion & parents. To make matters worse, he's tried to make me date him for about a year. I've politely told him "no" but he's still constantly flirting with me. I'll wait to tell him until after I graduate and we won't see each other daily, I guess. But I've told my 3 closest friends (including my crush!) and 1 classmate. So far, 1 came out to me as lesbian and 1 as bi (my crush, yay!) when I came out to them. The other 2 were just really supportive. <3 And one of my guy friends keeps joking that I'm a lesbian like all the time and he told me that he thinks that it's okay to be with someone of the same sex because love is love. And another friend, whose sister is lesbian, keeps joking about me coming out of the closet. So I guess that they know. But I'll wait to tell them until I know for sure that they won't tell the really religious guy.*

I don't think that you have to worry too much about your friends thinking that you fancy them. I've only told 4 people but they were all girls and no one thought about me fancying them. (I know it because they all had different guesses about who I liked and we've talked about it) *It was actually a bit sad that my crush never thought about me liking her but I've kind of told her now… At least made her think about the possibility.

I think that it's better to tell people one at a time unless you know that it will end really well. But I guess that I also prefer it because it feels more personal. And I'm always really nervous about coming out, I don't think that I could handle that many at the same time. But I guess that it also depends on who you're coming out to. If you just hang out in a group of friends, it might be weird to take them aside… I'm sorry if I'm confusing, it's getting kind of late here. I'm just trying to explain that there's both pro's and con's of telling them one by one and telling a whole group.