---this could be a long-ish story...skip to the last 3 paragraphs for just the coming out if you wanna-- I first started having sexual thoughts towards other men when I was 11 & then by around 14 I pretty much knew that I was probably gay. I guess what kept me in denial was the hope that somehow it wasn't true. Even though I was brought up in the UK my family is Indian & the country in general is pretty homophobic. Add to that I'm an only child. I knew I couldn't be gay...it wasn't a choice...I was the only way my parents could get grandchildren & none of the extended family would accept it at all. I even got a girlfriend but it never felt right at all...we never had any sexual contact either despite being in a relationship for a good few years. But it never felt right. Every moment in my life I never felt myself, wherever I went there was always this barrier between me & others as I could never be myself completely. I got bullied in school as people started to realise but kept denying it even as my friends went further & further away from me. The last 2 years of school (before university) were hellish, I didn't have any friends at all...my social contact was zero. But I got into a great course at a university & I thought maybe at Uni I'll pretend to be different & that could really happen! Nothing of the sort happened of course, I couldn't be someone else...I hate not being me & I just couldn't pretend to be someone I'm not. I didn't find girls attractive at Uni either, I was still gay. At uni though I managed to make some very good friends (mostly girls & 2 straight guys), keeping this side of me from them became harder but at this point I was still in denial. Then 2 weeks ago the denial ended, we were on Easter break from Uni & it was a eureka moment. I realised that I was gay, there was nothing wrong with it, I could still be who I am & I was gonna have a fabulous life from now on...no more hiding...no more self loathing...no more silly guilt...no more keeping my feelings clogged up in my mind which was just getting unhealthy now. This is the only life I get & I damn sure will live it the way I want to. My guilt for never seeing my mother become a grandmother will never go but it'll hopefully become much less over time. After I felt that I found this site & read so many coming out stories...it really inspired me to come out for real! I decided then that I'd tell this friend at uni who's a girl before anyone else. I thought she would be supportive & would still love me as much as ever. It was sooo hard telling her, I simply couldn't say it so I wrote it down on a piece of paper & made her read it. I wrote down, "I'm gay & I've known since I was 11". She was soo supportive & kind. She's gonna be with me as I tell the rest of my best friends at Uni in the coming week! I'm really worried about the reactions 2 of my friends would have...but I hope in time they will accept it! In terms of coming out to family, I don't know. I feel maybe I should be financially stable, so outta Uni so in case I'm disowned I can fend for myself. I can't imagine being disowned though, my Mum loves me so much...but she is homophobic, she has such high expectations of me...I am her only child..it's only fair for her to feel like that. God I still feel so guilty & bad for her....but it's not my fault...I don't deserve to bear this guilt forever :icon_sad: Anyway I will keep this thread updated as I tell each friend & their reaction! So glad I'm coming out & a big thank you to this forum for being instrumental really giving me the courage to come out!
Good luck! I always thought it came down to a single question: "Is keeping your family happy worth making yourself miserable for the rest of your life?
@Bree....yeah that's what it came down to in the end. And the answer was clear _________ So came out to the rest of my friends yesterday. The first one, I did it by a note again...his expression turned horrible as he read the note & he still thinks it's a joke. He's refusing to accept it ...not good. Well at least anger wasn't his reaction. The next one took it really well (told him via note too)...he said it's fine and won't change how he thinks of me at all. After that first reaction I felt pretty down but this really gave me the confidence to tell the rest of them. Told the next three (their girls) in a room at the same time...and this time I actually said it out loud! Got hugs from them after telling them and their being really supportive too. Had a long chat about how it had been all this time...just got everything that was stuck in my mind for soo many years out. It felt so good yesterday after just telling everyone. So hard to describe...it's like a weight your've been carrying for years was suddenly lifted...all that chronic aching, constant worry...everything disappears in a moment. I guess it was the happiest day of my life. Slowly I plan on coming out to everyone at Uni & then family last. Sooo glad it's finally happened though
Congrats! Cool story! So glad you can finally be yourself!! Waiting to tell your parents until you are financially independent is a good idea, but you know your family better than us and I hope they will one day understand. The way I see it is when you have a kid you should expect them to be different than you, having these big dreams and expectations for someone who isn't you just doesn't make sense to me. I know it's how they were raised, but things change. It needs to end somewhere. I'm still working on answering this question. :/
