My Corny Way of Coming Out

My coming out to my family was rather corny, meaning I did a very "uncool" thing in my opinion when trying to come out lol.

So I come from Vietnam, which typically means that most Asian families are very traditional. They believe in the son to be able to start a family of his own. That was the way my mom and dad were raised on.

I knew I was gay when I was in 6th grade but always kept it inside. I didn't want to tell anyone because as I entered middle/high school, there was not really any gay people I could talk to, although teachers were supportive in their teachings about tolerance. But apart from, I told myself that the first people I wanted to tell in my life that I was gay would be my parents.

When I was 16 years old, I did a lot of thinking about homosexuality. It killed me to keep it inside all the time so I made a promise to myself. By my 18th birthday, I will have the courage to tell my parents. Days pass and it seemed to go by so quick. Suddenly I am 17 and its a month before my birthday. This is where the corniness begins to come in...

I started writing a letter in Vietnamese, with very poor grammar (I don't know how to write/speak proficiently lol). In that letter, the jist of what I said was

"I just wanted to let you know before anything that I love you very much and that I understand if you don't love me anymore. All my life I don't think I did anything wrong as a person so I hope you can forgive me for what I am about to tell you. I'm interesting in guys.."

something to that extent.

So I finished writing that letter and I kept it under my pillow for several days.

It is a week before my birthday and I'm sitting at the kitchen table and somehow a form of depression just overcomes me. The thought of revealing the letter just overwhelmed me. My mother was cooking and she noticed and she was like, what's wrong. Of course I tell her nothing is wrong but she keeps persistently asking. I told her that I wanted to speak to her about something very important and she's like, okay... let's go to your room. We go to my room, I close the door, it's very dark and she sits down next to me. I take the letter out and read it to her.

While I was reading, tears came down from her eyes and she tells me before anything

"Don't worry about it, I still love you and we'll do anything to change it."

Of course I was semi-happy that she was happy to still love me but she later went on a rant saying

"It's a disease and we'll get it cured. How can you be positive you are gay. When did you know, etc."

I was frustrated internally with what was being said but I knew it stemmed from her culture.

We finished talking and kissed. My half-sister came home immediately after and sees my mom in tears. She asks me what was wrong and I told her. It didn't affect me as much because I didn't really care what my sisters thought as much, simply my parents for the most part.

Days pass and my mom and me ignore the subject. I tell her that I want to tell dad and she says "Don't. It'll affect him too much."

My mom's niece comes over and my mom tells her. The niece talks to me and tries to tell me that

"If you try really hard to like girls, you can do it."

I keep telling her no. Then she says that "Well, don't tell your dad. From my perspective, if you tell your dad, he won't be able to focus on his job and he won't think clearly. His business will be hurt and it'll tear this family apart."

BTW, the niece is a very great person, don't mind what she said.

I thought about it and I believe it was true. My dad was the glue that held the family together, mainly because of money. So my birthday pass and I didn't tell him. It was not until mid-May, when obviously my mom has been showing/giivng signs to my dad that there was something up with me that I had the guts to tell him.

I was working on a contract with a new job (construction) at the computer beside him and midway through the contract, I told him I needed to speak to him. He said okay, and 30 minutes pass and I assume he forgot me saying I needed to speak to him. At the contract's finish, he told me to go to my room and I told him there.

His reaction was pretty much the same as my mom. "Don't worry I sitll love you but its a disease and we'll get a doctor for you/psychologist."

i was hurt but at the same time everything was out.

---

It's been about 2 years now and my mom jokes about my homosexuality constantly. She does ask questions about it and sometimes kind of gets mad at me for not telling her sooner. She said, "I wish you told me sooner. If I knew this, I would have had another son and now I can't." She keeps asking me if I'm a girl <_<.

My dad has been less supportive. He ignores my homosexuality. He says that I am forced to be with a girl or at least produce an offspring. There is no way around it. He doesn't care what I do with my life but as long as he has a grandchild, it doesn't matter what I do.

So Im definitely still confused as to what I should do. I do definitely want a baby but not a commitment to a female because it's not my orientation.

My parents still love me and I sitll love them so I'm glad I have that.

~Anh

P.S.

Sorry for the long rant.

 

I have told my mom adoption and all she says that he wants his own blood in their child.

Other option I'm thinking about is Surrogate mothers...but that's expensive..and kinda...iffy