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I told my best friend that I love her

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Luna, Apr 24, 2012.

  1. Luna

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    This is the story of how I came out of the closet and later told my BFF that I'm in love with her. In November, I told my friend that I'm lesbian. After hours of "nothing will change and you'll still love me, right?", I finally told her. Well, I wrote it on the computer and left the room… When I came back, she told me that she still loves me and admires me because I've managed to figure out that I'm gay. She said that she thinks that she likes both genders. This made me really happy because I've kind of been in love with her for 2.5 years.

    I hoped that she loved me back. She did say some weird stuff over the years, like how she thought that it would be nice to shower together. XD A month ago, I joked about being in love with her. She asked me if I were in love with her for real but I didn't answer her… After that, she started sending kissing smileys when she texted and suggested that we'd go watch a movie. And she did give me a crotcheted miniature of my dog because she "thought of me when she saw the pattern". It's just not like her to just "think about someone" like that… I got my hopes up. But yesterday, she told me that she wasn't in love with anyone when we spoke about love… I cried for hours, calling myself stupid over and over again. She's always extremely honest so I never doubted what she told me the truth. :frowning2: But I couldn't keep my feelings a secret any longer so I decided that I needed to tell her. I did it today.

    We went for a walk but finally found a place to sit down and talk. I asked her to promise to keep everything secret. She promised me that as long as I didn't tell her that I had plans on killing someone - she'd always keep my secrets. :slight_smile: I handed her my phone so she could read what I'd written. I were supposed to read it to her but I couldn't get the words out. I didn't dare look at her while she read it but I could hear her crying…

    What I wrote was basically that I promised to try to get rid of my more than friendly feelings and that I'd like her to tell me that I didn't have a chance on her so I could move on. I also said that I hoped that we could stay friends. She told me that she couldn't understand how I could love her because she doesn't think she's special. Which she obviously is! We will of course be able to stay friends. She also told me that she loved me as a friend, but she wasn't in love with anyone and she'd never been either. Which I obviously knew already, because she told me yesterday.

    I kind of wish that she'd tell me that I didn't stand a chance at all. That way, I would be able to move on more easily… But she didn't tell me that. She told me that if she did fall for me, she would let me know. I were also told that I'm her best friend. I know that I don't stand a chance so it would be easier if she just told me that. She's never been in love with anyone before so I really doubt that she'll fall for me. I'm both kind of sad and proud of myself. It feels so good to finally have told her that I'm lesbian and in love with her but I'm sad because I wanted her to love me back…
     
  2. Leora

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    I'm in a similiar situation with one of my friends, so this was... really amazing to read. That was really brave of you. I hope it all works out for the best.
     
  3. Maxis

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    Out to everyone
    That was really, really brave of you. I know this is probably really tough on you and all I can really do is give you a hug. (*hug*)
    Everything is alright in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end. Just remember that. :icon_wink
     
  4. Mej7

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    So brave! I don't think I could have done that...but maybe I could if I knew that they were capable of being attracted to me...
    I hope that everything goes well for you. I can't imagine how hard that must've been and I really wish that I had some great advice to give to you, but obviously I don't...
    I'm just happy for you, because your friend was so cool about all of it, and really understanding, which is great! Just focus on that, because when you try to keep a positive outlook on things, you are less likely to sulk and feel down comstantly. Good luck with everything! :slight_smile: <3
     
  5. ameliawesome

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    awww, that's really sweet and i'm glad it worked out (mostly). keep your heart open :slight_smile: