How did you come to accept yourself?

I had a relatively long time to accept myself, having realized that I'm gay when I was eight, and I think I put far too much thought into it. I hyped myself up into thinking that I would never come out or be "normal." When I first came out (yes, at 12. I know, "too young" and all that), I was shocked at how little changed. Realizing I was gay was a slow process, but a key thing is that I never let myself hate myself. There's nothing inherently "wrong" about being anywhere on the sexuality spectrum, and the easiest way to cope is to just admit to yourself,
"I'm gay. And there's nothing wrong with that."

 

I came from a pretty accepting household, but it still took me a while to get over the shame of being attracted to other men. It was mostly that I had internalized the ick factor that straight men often have ("you mean, you wanna have sex with men, you know, like bending over for them?!?!?"). It really just takes time. I also mentally and vocally resisted the shame. I also needed to meet other queer people, and that made me feel much better.

 

I think this is the hardest part of sexuality and is a subject that I've noticed doesn't get discussed nearly as much as the process of coming out to others is discussed. However I think that is because it can be a more complicated issue then coming out to others and advice needs to be more tailored to the individual.

I like to think of the process as a fight with yourself, the whole time your beating yourself up and at some point you have to realize you cant win, though that's over simplifying the struggle immensely.

Unfortunately I cant offer any great wisdom on this subject as I'm still in the "the one man fight" myself and well past round 50 by now but I think a good way to go about it is to list all the things that are holding you back from accepting & understanding yourself and dealing with those issues one by one and hopefully by the end you have no real reasons left to fight with yourself and you can start being happy with who you are.

though that wont always work either....sigh lol I'm not being very helpful am I.

 

Well, I remember at around 7th grade I started noticing boys more (community/group showers at P.E. both a blessing and a curse). I was in total denial throughout middle school because I didn't want to be "a freak" or be different than the other boys. I wanted desperately to live a "normal" life.
Once high school hit though I was pretty much like "f@#! it, I'm gay aren't I...:dry:" I just couldn't keep denying the fact that I liked boys anymore. Eventually after I had concretely accepted my attraction towards the same sex it became a little easier to accept myself as a homosexual.
My advice? Labels aren't really important. What matters is that you recognize your own preferences. For me it was realizing that I was getting feelings towards the other boys which was definitely different than normal. Once you realize the fact that your different it becomes hard not to accept the cold truth. Then it's a matter of feeling comfortable with who you are.
But then again I'm no expert but I hope this helps anyway.

 

For me there's never really been a problem of acceptance.
I learned early on in the lasts years of primary schools that you've got to be honest with yourself and be able to be yourself (I was bullied a lot for being 'diffferent' basically being introvert).
So when I realised in high school that I wasn't straight, it wasn't really a problem for me since I already was one of the odd people and I could not see what was wrong with being gay. (Lack of religion probably helped with that).
My problem was more finding out which label fit me and in the first year of university I decided labels are to restrictive. I can and have been attracted to all kinds of people, men, women even one transsexual.

So, as n8i2c7k said, labels aren't important.
Just be aware of whom you fancy, don't deny it and know there's nothing wrong with being LGBT.

 

When I first accepted that I was gay, it was a quick transition, because the day before I was still very weary of it. It was after watching a lot of videos about sexuality and I realised that I couldn't change myself no matter what.

I remember for years I tried to convince myself that I was bisexual and that if I thought about girls enough that I could become straight, didn't work. I am so so happy with myself right now, I just wish I could share that with others. I wouldn't want to be straight for the world, but I just wish that others would accept me, the way that I've accepted myself.

 

I was alittle unsure for a while but I knew once I was 14 and the last relationship I had with a girl literally ment nothing to me, I enjoyed having her as a friend but I never before even dating her found her the least bit sexuallty attractive. I've still yet to come out as of such but I know I'm gay, I'm not sure if I've really though accepted everything else that comes along with being gay but I know I am.

 

I came to the relization that I am gay relatively later on. I was 21 before I even started questioning, and at the time I was basically in denial. I tried for the longest time to change my orientation, and well it didn't work out as planed ...Coming out to yourself is a big step, and its different for everyone.

I didn't really start accepting myself until I start coming out to people around me. I started to relax and let myself listen to how I felt more comfort with. It also helps to talk to other gay people who know what your going through and not feel like your explaining something new everything you talk (which is what happens sometimes when I talk to my straight friends). I'm still working on it, and a lot of times I have to remind myself that being gay all of who I am, I got other parts of my life to take care of.

 

Well putting Christianity behind me helped a lot. I was in denial for a while. I actually had nothing against gay people, I just didn't want to be one myself.

Overall, I think it just took me some time to come around to the idea. In my area being gay isn't really liked, but it also wasn't really talked about much when I was a child, so I didn't see much of it. So I think a lack of interaction with gay people or just gays in some form of media made it hard for my brain to wrap its head around the concept.

I also remember very specifically begging god to not let me be gay. I can't remember if I knew it was supposed to be some kind of sin though. I do know that once I realized I didn't have to be religious that I started to feel a lot better about myself in general (as in, not just about being gay) though.

 

For me, it was a long period of denial, then just a quiet realization. Went through most of elementary to high school believing I was "normal" and straight. Totally and utterly in love with one of my male friends, but straight. Yeah...that probably sounds odd, but I didn't think I was "in love" at the time. Just felt extremely close to...like...fantasizing-about-him-touching-himself extremely close. That was pretty serious denial. Also was attracted to some girls. But that's just how I am. Attracted to both men and women physically. But for women, the emotional attraction just isn't there. So that threw some confusion in. I even asked a girl out to the prom. But she was taken. And by a guy I disliked immensely no less.

Also, did some seasonal work at a Bloomingdales because my mother worked there. Hated it because you had to dress prim and proper and wear dress shoes. And stand in those shoes for nearly 8 hours. There were 2 gay guys there who seemed to have a blast working in a department store. They were pretty stereotypical. I think I thought, at the time, that they were what gay guys were like. So I must've figured I can't be gay if I can't stand working in the same setting.

In college though, I started being exposed to more gay people. And I found myself wanting to be friends with them. Still "straight", but wanting to get to know them better. Went to a drag show on campus, which was kind of novel but ultimately not very interesting. On a side note, Pandora Boxx was at that show. Never would've imagined she'd be a big name drag queen now. And a bit of a gamer.

The last 4 years since college? There was never really an "A-ha!" moment where I realized I'm gay, fell into depression, then learned to accept myself, then the world exploded into rainbows. It was just kind of like, "Oh, I guess I'm gay. What do I do now?" At that point, it was just kind of easy because the answer was that there was nothing really to do. Nothing changed as a result.

It was simple for me though because, by then, was I was an adult. It sounds like it's a lot more hellish if you're still young and in school.

 

When I look into the past, I obviously notice the small details, but I wasn't before when I was 13-14 that my affection towards men is soo gay Because I didn't care romance and sexuality as others did, it was late, I think. I thought my feelings about sexuality in adolescence stage wasn't totally mature so I waited to see what direction I would go.

I couldn't stop thinking of men. However, it was confusing because I didn't have a crush on anyone in practice. I now realize that at that time, I didn't have a notion of romance between a boy and me, I just thought sexually and I didn't care it anyway.

My real acceptance started in university, especially in my second year. I was excited that there was a huge reaction to an attack on 2 gay students, a LGBT student club is formed, and finally, a friend of mine came out. I felt very awkward and had my head in the clouds whole week, dying for coming out - the problem was, there was still nothing to come out. That time, I was even censoring my thoughts somehow, as if anyone could hear the question in my head, "Am I gay?".

After a long year with thinking of my nature, my apparent asexuality and getting used to the concept; the final acceptance spark came 6 months ago. I never denied my affection towards men though it wasn't in practice, so I said to myself, "Even though I feel somehow asexually, I cannot deny my feelings towards men. Not loving a boy in practice doesn't imply that I'm an asexual, then I must be a some sort of gay.".

My acceptance stage still continues. I'm not the boy who just came out in October. I erased the part "some sort of", only "Gay, indeed!" remains. Also "in-practice stage" started by itself, even before I completely accepted myself. I now enjoy keeping staring some cool boys I see p), and developed small crushes (though all straight :icon_sad: that's why I'm cautious).

 

I started noticing girls more than guys last summer (feels so, so much longer, though) and started questioning my sexuality then. I've always bee attracted to girls, I mean, girls are hot, but in the past year I realized I wanted to be in a relationship with one.
I first admitted to myself I liked girls in January. At first I was like, oh, alright I like girls, no big deal. But then I realized I liked girls, and only girls. Between then and now there are days when I'm 100% out to myself and is proud of being a lesbian but I still have those days when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and what I like.
I'm only, just, accepting myself, and it's liberating.

 

Ok, well I started out thinking guys were attractive from a very early age-- maybe 4 or so.. well, that's the first I remember...
Anyway.... I tried repressing that after I got an explosive reaction from my mother, after she heard me say someone on my little baseball team was handsome. Well, then, things got weird. Rushing to next some years, with sleep-overs (only guys, because we were like ages 7-10), things ended up... happening...
Seventh grade was the first time I tried looking at porn, but didn't like seeing girls like... that :eusa_sick so I remembered some of the things that happened at those sleep-overs, and I tried looking at gay porn. That was all I would watch, when it came to porn, and it took me five years to think I was anything but straight. I tried retaining some "dignity" by saying I was bi, but I knew that I was lying, and I just kept telling myself "I'm gay" several times a day, to the point where I wasn't afraid to say that and smile at the same time.
That's about it....

 

To be honest, I don't think I've ever, truly accepted myself, however I no longer deny it (or is that what it means to accept yourself?). I still have those days where I wish I was straight, but I do have those days where I'm like, "I'm a lesbian and that makes me unique. :eusa_danc "
I still remember when I was first learning to stop denying it. I pretty much have two sides of me: the logical side, that just wants to get work done, no free time, logic is key. And then that... other side of me, that's somewhat lazy :icon_redf and denies what's dead right in front of me.
So I started crushing on this girl last year. And that's when I started questioning. For a bit I was denying it (the other side of me), and then the logical side was like, "CR, no, you're queer. Get used to it."
(well not really)
And then I finally was like, "Okay, I'm queer... no big deal," so I finally stopped denying it. But I don't think I've accepted it just yet. I don't think it's too much of a big deal though, really.

 

I don't think I have yet.

 

I'm not sure if I've quite accepted myself yet. I just recently came out to my close friends last year and I don't consider myself in the closet anymore since I'll pretty much tell someone if they happen to ask or if it comes up. But, I have moments where I hate myself for who I am and I do wish that I were straight. Then again I do have my moments where I'm extremely happy with who I am and I'm happy with being gay.

The fluctuating is pretty annoying; I'd love 100% acceptance sometime soon.

 

CrystalRaindrop: I think the point of acceptance is getting over the shame of internalized homophobia and being happy with yourself.

 

Well, I'd always been open minded and whatnot but I never really thought I was gay/bi, but I don't have a problem with it

 

It took me a while to accept being bisexual. The nail in the coffin for me was when I went to my niece's birthday/Halloween party last year and a bisexual, now gay, friend of mind and I fooled around. It felt so good doing stuff with him and seeing how confident he was in his sexuality made me accept my own.