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coming out to parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by shy, May 12, 2012.

  1. shy

    shy
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    For anyone who likes to read it, the following letter will be deposited on the table where my parents will find it the next morning. At that time I will be off on a trip to Heidelberg DE with school until wednesday.

    Dear Mum and Dad,
    I'm sorry I have to write this letter. For several times I have tried to talk to you about this but I never managed to speak out loud all this. I probably could do some time later, in a few months or even years maybe, but this has taken long enough, it has to be now, I'm tired of living a lie. To prevent a misinterpretation I'd like to say that I'm mostly fine, or at least I feel better than I felt for quite some time.
    First of all, I want to thank you for so many things. You make possible my studies, you allow me a very luxurious life, you have a great amount of trust in me and you believe in me even when I myself lose confidence. But most I want to thank you for the love you gave and give me and I wish you to know that I love you and loved you no matter what happened the past decade.
    For a short summary, you ahve always known that I'm rather introverted and that, at some point about nine years ago, I began to be even more drawn back. It was around my starting at (enter schoolname). As concerned parents you began to ask questions and search for answers I could not give you then, either because I didn't know them or didn't want to know them.
    To make it short, I'm gay.
    The detailed version: When I came to (enter schoolname) I began questioning my sexuality. Young as I was I put it down as a phase. I was to become an adult and I was to become a scientist, both of a nature with a wide range of knowledge and experience, no matter the good or bad labeling of anything, so I thought. One at least proved wrong.
    When I discovered that my interests in girs were growing weaker, my mind began to revolt. I was in the state of denial. This means I denied my true sexuality with all my strength and all my will. I wasn't homophobic in any way, it was just something that didn't get along with my vision of a future life. It all felt like failing; failing myself and anyone around me.
    Trusting anyone with my feelings only became an option when A and I became really good friends. It comforted me, but still I didn't accept myself as I was, but I felt encouraged enough to become curious again. I began to search the internet and found help in a forum. Once I began reading posts and asking some questions I realised that, although sexuality really is no matter of choice, I did have a choice. I was to choose between acting like commom, not normal but common, people and not changing anything or accepting who I am and become happy the way I am.
    Even if you can't fully understand why it took me so long to accept myself, I really hope you do understand why I chose to remain closeted until I was ready to share with you. This is the most private part about myself I can give you.
    While you read this letter, I remain the very same person as I was the last two months, your chemistry studying son who loves you, plays tennis and badminton, only that I now feel ready to share this with you and therefore you learned this about me.
    Coming out to you is one of the hardest things I'll ever do in my life. So far I have come out to some friends, people who matter around me mainly, but it gets all the harder the closer I am related to the person. I'm telling you because you do matter to me, because I love you and because you deserve to know.
    Once I'm back from my trip to Heidelberg, feel free to come talk to me about this if you feel like it.

    Love

    D

    btw, English is not my first language, some passages may be strange.:eusa_pray
     
  2. JB75

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    Wow, what a wonderful letter. Your English is fine, Shy. Please let us know how it's received. Best of luck!
     
  3. October

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    This is really good! Hope it all goes well:slight_smile:
     
  4. angelicbabe8

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    a great letter Shy. Wishing you the best of luck and please do let us know how you go
     
  5. Linthras

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    Good and intelligently written letter.
    I hope your parents will be supportive.
    Keep us updated please.
     
  6. silverhalo

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  7. Sadepeura

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    That's a very good letter! I hope they take it well. :slight_smile: Let us know how it goes!
     
  8. Lad123

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    Great letter! I hope all goes well for you and I can't wait to hear how it went.
     
  9. shy

    shy
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    My mum texted me the same day. We were already somewhere in the nature.

    *Hey son, thanks for your letter. Our family-code remains the same, you're always welcome, no matter your sexuality. Love mum*

    :eusa_danc:eusa_danc:eusa_danc
     
  10. piratealisonnn

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    That's so awesome! Congrats on your parents taking it so well! And congrats on finding yourself and opting to make yourself happy :slight_smile:

    Oh, and your English was almost flawless.
     
  11. Lad123

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    Wow so happy for you! Can I have your mum? :lol:
     
  12. BradThePug

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    That's awesome!! Congrats!!
     
  13. Vabrug

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    Awww! That's so good! :slight_smile: Nice letter btw.
    I struggled with accepting myself as well... I know what you mean. :wink:
     
  14. Linthras

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    Congratulations! Good to hear.
     
  15. shy

    shy
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    Hehe, thanks guys, you gave me much of the strenght I needed to do this.(&&&)

    hmmm, not anymore... but I could lend her to you for a day or two :grin:
     
  16. Ianthe

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    Congratulations!

    I was worried that they wouldn't get back to you, and wait until you came home. Something like that could possibly ruin your trip. I always worry when people leave letters to their parents when they go out of town, or mail them across country, or things like that. The suspense can be really agonizing. There's the impulse to avoid an immediate confrontation, but the result is this horrible waiting game: wondering, have they gotten it yet? What do they think? Not knowing , driving you crazy.

    I'm glad they got back to you soon, so that you didn't have to feel like that for too long.