Hi, I am very new here and I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give me. I don't want this to be super long but I should probably give some background on myself: I recently accepted that I am bisexual. Looking back on my childhood and adolescence I know I always was, but I grew up in a religious family and I guess it never crossed my mind that I could be bisexual. Anyway, I think some of my friends know. By saying "I think", I mean I haven't directly said "I'm bisexual", but I have made comments about how I feel towards both women and men and nobody seemed too shocked. Either that or they didn't notice... I love my family very much, and I could never imagine my life without them. Religiously, they are Christian, but politically they are liberal. Recently one of my brothers has been sending me and my brothers e-mails about "what the Bible really says about homosexuality". In these emails he basically says that the Bible really does condemn homosexuality and that it really is a sin. In addition to this, my parents both truly believe homosexuality is a sin. They support marriage equality, but they still think homosexuality is a sin. I know my brother isn't sending these e-mails maliciously, and I know my parents don't make comments around me maliciously. But I can't help but be terrified of ever coming out to them. I can imagine them either saying "that's a sin, it's not natural" or flat out telling me bisexuality doesn't exist. My biggest question is: Do I even have to come out to them? I have never had a relationship with another woman, and since I'm attracted to men more than women, I might not be in one for some time. Is it necessary for me to come out now? Or should I just wait until if/when I begin a serious relationship with a woman? Do I ever have to? I sometimes feel like coming out would be selfish. It would be really tough on my parents and brothers. I feel uncomfortable when I end up in the middle of conversations about homosexuality/bisexuality, but I don't want something as trivial as my possible partners to ruin my life...
You don't have to come out to them right now but you do need to tell them at some point. My parents think I'm confused but the obvious answer is no. Anyway, one day you are going to have to sit them down and tell them that your bi and that your finding out what works for you as a person and what you find out may not be plesent for them but that's whats hard-wired into your DNA and cannot be changed. If they say it's a sin tell them that's how you were born and that god made you that way and they should be proud of it not ashamed. Course this is coming from someone who is an Atheist but the important thing to know is that you let them know your experimenting and whatever happens you will still be you and it won't cause you to undergo a 180 personality shift. If your parents love you, TRULY love you, they'll still accept you for who you are.
You never have to come out. There is not some kind of rule, the coming out police will not be tracking you down. But concealing a part of who you are from the important people in your life will have emotional consequences for you over time--and there will also be consequences in your relationships with people. When you keep yourself hidden, it undermines all your relationships and makes them feel false and superficial, because the person that other people are interacting with isn't your true self. When we come out to our parents, it isn't because we need their approval for what we do, but because we need them to love and accept us for who we really are. And your sexuality is a part of who you are, even if you never date a woman. And every time that you deny yourself, even by omission--such as if someone is saying something about bisexual people and you don't stand up for yourself--you reinforce your shame. I mean, if you act like you have something to hide, you will feel like it, too. So, while you don't have to come out to them, I would urge you to consider that there are very real negative consequences to not doing so. Only you can judge which course is the best one for you. One other thing to consider, is that sometimes, when someone comes out to their family only when they are in a relationship, the family will blame the partner for "turning them gay." This will be even more likely if you've been dating men happily and they had no sign of it coming. It would be really unfair to your future girlfriend.
I agree that you don't have to come out right now. I knew that I was into girls at 16, but I didn't tell my parents until I was 26. My parents are catholic and conservative and I was so terrified to tell them. I knew deep down that they would still love me, but I also knew they didn't "agree" with homosexuality. My parents shocked the hell out of me when they said there was nothing in this whole world that could make them ashamed of me. I'm not saying everyone's parents are supportive because heaven knows they're not always. My gf parents are still trying to accept us. So I guess what I'm thinking is that I'm glad I didn't tell them when I first was figuring it out for myself because once you tell someone something, you can't ever take it back. But I wish I wouldn't have waited so long because I had a support system in my family that I wasn't even aware of. I think it's important to be ready. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. It's always important to be prepared for any reaction they might have, that way you can better deal with their emotions. I would also suggest doing some reading/researching on coming out. I wish I had thought to do that when I was younger. I also agree with Ianthe about trying to tell them on your own so that your family doesn't blame your partner. My gf was only with men before she met me, and her parents adamantly believe that she would be straight if she hadn't met me.
