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Kinsey scale

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by rx79g, May 16, 2012.

  1. rx79g

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    So I've seen people on here use the Kinsey scale to define their orientation, and it would make life a lot easier, but has anyone actually come out to someone using it? I feel like it would fail something like this:

    "So I need to tell you something, I'm a Kinsey scale 4.5"
    "A what?"
    "[explains Kinsey scale]"
    "So you're gay"
    "No, I'm 4.5"
    "So you're bi?"
    "Not really, I'm 4.5"
    "So... you're gay"
    (I hit my face with my palm)

    Has anyone ever used it when coming out?
     
  2. ArcaneVerse

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    I wouldn't think its the best way to come out, maybe using it in the conversation just after coming out? but I think its easier for people to come to terms with your sexuality if its in simpler terms
     
  3. Pret Allez

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    People have to know what the Kinsey scale is. Which they don't. There's never been a time where I have said "I am a Kinsey 4, plus or minus 1"
     
  4. Chip

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    While sexuality is a spectrum, people do go for simplicity. And if you're a 4.5, for all intents and purposes, you're gay, or certainly at the gay end of the spectrum.

    I wonder if perhaps you aren't fully comfortable with embracing your attraction toward men? If you weren't, it doesn't seem like you'd care if someone mistook a Kinsey 4.5 for someone who is gay. I don't mean that as a barb, just a (possibly wrong) observation.
     
  5. Pret Allez

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    I'd certainly care. For one thing, being mislabeled could cause problems on the dating scene.
     
  6. ArcaneVerse

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    I think that's a possibility for a lot of people but I think most people feel more comfortable being as specific as possible when they are discussing themselves as that's just what needs the most natural to them.

    For me atm I would put myself at 5 but I label myself gay to those who I care to tell and leave it at that, unless they are a little more enlightened on the subject then I'm more specific and say I'm Bi but have a strong preference for guys. I don't usually bring up the Kinsey Scale unless its a full on discussion of sexuality as most people have never heard of it. I don't think this is because I'm not comfortable with accepting my "gayness", it might be, but when I use the term gay it doesn't quite feel right...
     
  7. King

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    I don't like the Kinsey scale for any purposes. Even though I'm gay myself, if somebody told me "I'm a Kinsey 5.3562" I'd do the same and say "So... You're gay." If they say no, then they're bi. The specifics aren't really needed, are they?
     
  8. Linthras

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    This, no actually one step further. I don't like labels at all. The only reason I use them is to avoid having to give a lengthy explanation every time.
    But labels especially ones concerning controversial topic like sexuality or religion for example, people will make all kinds of ignorant assumptions.

    I would never use Kinsey to explain my sexuality, I would just try to explain my feelings and experiences, that's all that's relevant imo.
     
  9. Ianthe

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    Actually, if you came out to me as a 4.5 on the Kinsey scale, I would probably point out that the Kinsey scale was designed to measure a person's behavior reported through their sexual history, and not actually a person's subjective feelings. And I know what each of the numbers means, so I would probably say,

    "So, you are just a little bit more than incidentally heterosexual?"

    And the reason I would have to ask is because you aren't comfortable with choosing between "Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual" and "Predominantly homosexual, more than incidentally heterosexual."

    Did you know that the 10% figure from Kinsey is actually very specifically that 10% of the men in the survey were, in behavior, exclusively homosexual for 3 or more years between ages 16-55? Obviously, this would include people who had only one same-sex relationship, if it was exclusive and lasted at least three years, but wouldn't include men who were really gay but were in straight marriages.
     
  10. Sadepeura

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    I quite like Kinsey Scale because I find the labels straight, bi and gay too simple. I only use it to explain my feelings after I've come out to someone, because my sexuality is a bit confusing and I don't feel like I fit any of those labels.

    I would say I am Kinsey 5, so therefore mostly gay. But then again I have a boyfriend which I don't see as a problem, although I've never really found any other men attractive. But generally people get very confused if I tell them that I am gay and I have a boyfriend.

    I would recommend that you don't label yourself as a number. I would instead just tell people what you like. "Hello, I'm interested in men, but some women are quite hot too." Would that work?
     
  11. RealityCheck

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    Well, I'm probably a terrible representative of the gay community, but all this would just confuse the hell out of me. I just want someone to say I'm gay and it mean that they are attracted to the same sex. Anything else for me is Bi. I'm simple minded I guess, but geez all these labels get to me. To each their own, but if someone comes to me talking about what scale they are currently at then I'm probably gonna say great and never consider dating them if that is their interest. For full disclosure, I would also be highly hesitant to date a bisexual, but that is just me being cautious I guess. Not out of the question, but unlikely.
     
  12. Insomniac

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    If you know the person who you're coming out to , is someone who have read about and know about this scale , it's good to use it. If not , just don't make it complicated and don't use it. It may make people too confused.
     
  13. rainbowfox

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    I think coming out should be as simple as possible. understanding kinsey scale is not simple :slight_smile: and just confuse people. :slight_smile:
     
  14. phliper12

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    well... i would never use it.. but if I did i would say ~5.99.... .01 because you never know... :icon_wink
     
  15. Lewis

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    I don't really put myself on the Kinsey scale. I know I'm gay and I know I wouldn't date a woman - but then again, I'm not repulsed by woman and can find them attractive, but I'm gay.
     
  16. Sadepeura

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    Okay, I would just like to add that the only point where Kinsey Scale is actually useful when explaining someone one's sexuality is when it's either Kinsey 1 or Kinsey 5.

    For 0 and 6 there is no use for the scale. And all 2, 3 and 4 are just bisexuals, some of them with a preference over one sex when they are not in a relationship, but when they find someone it does not matter what gender it is with.

    The only reason why I like to use the scale is because of my relationship which is unusual for a lesbian. I never want to be called a hasbian just because I am in a relationship with a man. I am Kinsey 5. My boyfriend is wonderful. I am not straight, or even bisexual. Pansexual sounds at the moment most suitable, but if I was not in this relationship, I would still call myself gay, and for the extremely curious people to tell that I am sort of Kinsey 5.

    I would never use decimals on the Kinsey Scale though. The scale is not precise enough for that.
     
  17. Zaio

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    Well... You are bi though. Couldn't you just say "yeah it means I am bi but more oriented towards guys than girls."
     
  18. Nemo39122

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    I think it could be useful if you're not exclusively gay, or bi and attracted to men and women equally. For example:
    After coming out as gay/bi/whatever, you could explain it in more detail:

    "Like on a scale of 0-6, with 0 being straight, 6 being gay, and 3 being bi, I'm a...."

    I'd probably consider myself a 4 on the Kinsey scale, but just label myself as bi without explaining in any more detail since 4 is so close to being attracted to both genders equally, which is what people assume bisexual means.
     
  19. rx79g

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    I guess I'm probably splitting hairs on this whole thing then.
     
  20. sguyc

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    I don't even understand how the Kinsey scale works to be honest. Like what's the difference between a 4 and a 4.5... You like guys .5 more? It doesn't really compute with me. I don't see how you can quantify something when your not using any real definitions of what the numbers mean. "I'm only 4 attracted to guys not 4.5" Sorry to bash on the scale, I just don't see the need for it.