what exactly does "out at college" mean?

I think this is a general coming out question. Mostly, it's hard when people don't give you real openings to be out. I wouldn't say that you should rush to be out if that's awkward for timing or whatever. Just never let people assume you're straight.

 

I would think that as you get to know new friends and socialise with them the conversation will soon turn to boyfriends or the lack of on there part,this gives you a great opening to casualy mention that you are looking for a girlfriend.

There is no need for big annoucments every time you come out,a simple mention of a same sex partner or something simmilar and you are out to them.If you just bring it up in conversation,as if they already know,then act as if its nothing strange,they will usually just accept it without questioning you on it.

Dont worry too much about the definition of being fully out as this comes with time,the gossip and roumers will help a bit and word will spread.Another point to remember is that you are never truly out,as time goes by you meet alot of new people and you never have the chance to say your out to everyone but coming out just gets easier the more you do it and become more comfortable telling others.

 

THIS ^

What I did, when I came out and transferred colleges, was just pretend like everyone already knows. I would talk and act normally about girls or news or anything else that I was interested in. It required no heavy hinting and no formulating my responses to make sure. If people noticed, they got it. If they asked about it, I answered honestly.

The key was pretending like everyone already knew. Because then, I wasn't nervous about them all finding out. I just assumed everyone knew and pretty soon, they did. So, now I'm living out at college.

Obviously if there were people who creeped me out or who I suspected would be very homophobic, I would just avoid them to the best of my ability, but that didn't become too much of a problem for me and did not mean that I could not be 'out'.

Good Luck!

 

I'm not in college yet but my advice would be to just act your normal self and if anyone asks don't deny it.

 

My standard rule for "what is out?" is two-fold.

1. Those closest to you know.
2. You don't care who else knows.

It's that last bit that really determines it. I don't know if the guy at the drug store knows I'm gay, or my mailman, or the guy three doors down that I say "Hi" to once in awhile. But I don't really care if they know. Maybe they've heard something, maybe someone told them, maybe they figured it, who knows, who cares.

Lex

 

I'm "out at college". For me, like some of the other guys here, it's pretty much just acting like everyone already knows. It does help to have a partner of the same sex, but if you want someone you're getting close to to know without making a huge announcement, you can just say that you had a girlfriend once or whatever.

 

I second this; it's personally what I dictated my "being out at university" on.

I was closeted when I first went to school, made some of the best friends I've known, and a group of us moved in together. So I ended up telling them over the course of the last year, for a whole slew of reasons, but mostly because:

- I was tired of being closeted
- I knew I could trust them, and was pretty sure they'd be cool with it
- I felt they deserved to know, for both our benefits, since we're living together (y'know, in case I ever get around to bringing a guy home... :icon_wink)

So now that I've told them all, I don't care that much who knows. I mean, I'm still getting comfortable with the idea of "being out", but if someone asked me or it came up in conversation I could probably chip in with a "yep, I like guys" with little hesitation.

I think considering myself "out at university" also puts me in the mindset of being open to new things, whether that be getting involved with our LGBT group or even dating people. By being "out", it's starting (for me) to blur the line between "I need to treat this like a secret" and "it doesn't really matter who knows".

EDIT: All that being said, since I've considered myself "out", I think I've casually told a grand total of two people that I like guys. So it definitely isn't like I'm proclaiming it to the world.

 

When you are first out, and you've never dated yet, and you don't seem gay to people, it can be hard to come out without having "coming out" conversations.

One thing you could do, is get involved in something gay-related as a regular part of your life, so that then you can just refer to it naturally in conversation.

And when you are talking to people, and romance and dating topics come up, mention it as it's appropriate. For example, if a girl says, "Holy crap, that guy is so hot," you can say, "Well, I guess I can see how you'd feel that way, but I'm a lesbian, so he doesn't really do anything for me."

It's kind of nice with new people, because you can treat it just like any information about yourself.

Another thing you can do, is ask a friend, "Do you know if there's an LGBT group on campus?" Or, "Is there going to be a Pride festival here this summer?" Or, "Do you know how a girl can connect to the lesbian community around here?"

When discussing politics: "I'm voting for Obama, especially now that he supports marriage equality--just because I'm a lesbian, that doesn't mean I should be cheated out of the wedding I've been imagining since I was six years old." (Or whatever.)

Being gay is something about you that effects you in a lot of ways. The key is to incorporate it into conversations in ways that make sense.

It can help to pretend like people know already, as others have said. For some reason, when people don't know, there is a tendency to feel like you have to tell them before you can make references to it. This is especially true when you are first coming out. But with new people, there is no reason you need to do that--you can just start talking from the perspective of a gay person.

If they are falsely assuming that you are straight, such as by asking what kinds of guys you like, or just generally talking about you in a way that assumes it, you might want to correct them. But otherwise, just "live out." Speak and behave in ways that do not conceal it. Incorporate it into your life.

 

I came out when I transferred to a new school. I’m out to friends, many of my professors and anyone who asks. I agree with everyone who is saying be yourself and act as if everyone already knows. You don’t have to announce it or bring it up when you first meet someone, but as you get to know people the opportunity will arise for you to causally mention it. I acted like it was common knowledge, answered truthfully when people asked me and if the topic of boyfriends was brought up, I said I was a lesbian.

 

I don't really have a circle of friends where I attend but if the conversation turns towards boyfriends/girlfriends and if they ask if I have a girlfriend I'll tell them no but I want a boyfriend.

Or if they start talking about how hot a girl is I'll just put out absentmindedly that if she was a good looking man I'd date him.

I'm not ashamed to admit my preference and if they choose to disassociate with me, that's fine their loss and not worth my time.

I'm very open about these things. Is that wrong I've never had to struggle to say what I like?