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mom disinterested?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by unknownerror, May 17, 2012.

  1. unknownerror

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    So I've been making great progress coming out to friends and family. my closest friends, roommate, siblings and their SOs all know, but today was a big one. Coming out to my Mother.

    It was hard to get to and it took a lot longer than I wanted but I eventually did. She said she'll always love me and that she had wondered.

    I guess the thing that sort of got to me, is that I've come out to people I'm close to (and I'm very close to my mom, we talk on the phone every sunday and see each other at least once a month) and they all have wanted to talk...often for quite some time. they want to know more and about me, how i got there etc...and about the guy I'm seeing.

    But my mother seemed disinterested, almost like she wanted to not talk about it. She asked at one point something along the lines of "are you sure this is what you want" (I dont remember verbatim) like I was "giving something new a try" lol

    I guess my impression as the day went on (and she went off to spend the afternoon on wedding plans with my soon to be sister in law) was that maybe she was accepting but unhappy about it. I've known her all my life and she didnt really seem all that happy..

    I guess it didnt go as well as I'd hoped and maybe I'm over-analyzing (something I know I am prone to) but I wondered what other people's experiences have been...
     
  2. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    Give her some time to process it and get used to the idea. You might want to bring it up again later, but right now she's probably dealing with it in her own way.

    My dad reacted similarly when I told him I had a crush on a girl. I need to talk to him about it properly (I've been here two weeks and still haven't). He seems to be accepting of it, but watching the news with him is a bit awkward right now.
     
  3. csm123

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    It sounds as though she has thought you may be gay for a long time and maybe wasnt to happy about it to start with,but with time has come to accept it in a way of her own.Although she knows she would rather just not discuss it,and keep it on the quiet.

    All in all,you didnt have a bad coming out,just a bit of a neutral attitude from your mum which is far better than negativity.I would think that now you are out to all your family there will be occasions when she will hear other family members talking about you being gay etc,and by hearing it being a non issue with everyone else she will come around to being more open to it.

    If she doesnt start coming around a bit after a few weeks you could ask a sibling to have a talk with her to see if they can find out whats bothering her and maybe educate her a little about how its not your choice but just the way you are.
     
  4. unknownerror

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    thanks for the responses. I really thought about sending her an e-mail discussing my feelings and thoughts and what I thought she might be thinking...but I was curious if i shouldn't press and leave it to her to figure out/think of on her own.

    as for "out to my family" thats not quite entirely accurate. I'm not out to my step-dad or dad. In fact in out brief discussion my mom asked me if I wanted her to tell him. I said that it would make things easier on me, but that I should be the one to tell him, and then she said its probably for the best saying he's a horrible blabbermouth and complained about his lack of secret keeping amongst the family when my grandfather died and she was executrix

    as for my dad, hes a disgusting old lech and an ass, so while hes about 50/50 as far as acceptance goes he's just going to be a jerk about it, probably one long stream of crude jokes....all of my siblings and I have continued to grow farther from him as we've gotten older.

    wow I got sidetracked there...lol
     
  5. TheTwoOfUs

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    My mom had a very similar reaction when I first told her. My cousin is a lesbian also, and I told her that now she could to talk to my aunt about it since they both had lesbian daughters. She was like, I'm not talking to anybody about this. I got kind of offended and asked why, and she said it wasn't her place. My dad was the same way. They were supportive in the way that they love me, and there's nothing that could change that, but they didn't really want to discuss it with me or anyone else.

    Over time though, things have changed. It's been two years now, and both of my parents are getting much more comfortable with talking about it. I'm also very close to my mom, and it hurt my feelings a bit to not have her immediately want to talk about things because I wanted to talk to her about everything that I had been holding in for years. But she's coming around. I would say to give your mom some time to digest it, so she can deal with it in her own way, and hopefully she will come around too.
     
  6. unknownerror

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    Heh. I too have a lesbian cousin. She's been out for 15 plus years. I've thought about alking with her but we've never been particularly close...mostly because she moved to the other side of the country after college and I don't see her often.

    I keep picturing her face when I told her and it was definitely not a happy face. I guess I'll wait and see if she mentions it during our usual sunday chat.
     
  7. TheTwoOfUs

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    I actually have 2 lesbian cousins, and one gay one. But I'm not particularly close with any of them because we didn't really grow up together.

    Yeah, after I told my parents, they came over for dinner the following Saturday and they seriously wore sunglasses into my house. They had a hard time looking at me and my gf, even though they love her. It got better after a glass of wine or two... but it was awkward for a long time.