OK so i went on a date last night at the pub it was really good, a great guy, the conversation flowed really well. we had a great meal and chatted a lot. I dont know if there is a strong physical attraction there or not, but i really like him and definitely want to see him again, we have been texting today. The thing is i am already getting scared of 1) being intitmate with someone, this is vey scary as ive never had a boyfriend 2) beginning to like someone. Please someone tell me this is normal? I spoke to my parents on the phone tonight (they know im gay) and i said i had met up "with someone" in a pub in town, they probably kinda know they i meant a date but i didnt really say a date and i find it weird talking about dates with my parents. Please also tell me this is normal??? Going a bit crazy now with highly strung emotions thinking about him and the next date. thanks Dean.
Just relax and take it easy. That's how I did it on my first date with a guy at aged 34. Don't force the situation, be honest and upfront about your dating history, and have firmly in place what you want to do and when you're willing to do it. As your relationship develops, make sure your boyfriend is really interested in who you are and not as a notch on his bedpost. I don't necessarily think your first time has to be special and amazing, but it should occur when you are ready. Don't leave things to chances either. If you feel like the relationship might turn physical at a moment's notice, take a few condoms with you just to be on the safe side. Read up on health and privacy issues regarding gay sex. Pay a visit to your local health clinic and get some advice and maybe an HIV test while you're at it. I'm not saying your previous activities may have led to infection, but should your partner ask for a definitive answer, you can should him the test results, and hopefully, he'll show you his. Of course, this is all at your discretion and comfort level. No need to jump into a quick physical relationship. Enjoy the time you spend with him. Ask questions, listen to his stories, compare and contrast your differences and similarities. Really get to know him. If things just don't pan out, or you feel at all uncomfortable, don't be afraid to back out and let the other guy know you're just not interested or willing to go any further into the relationship. This is really new territory for you so don't let the other guy dictate all the terms. Set boundaries if necessary. My best advice is to just educate yourself. Use the resources tab of EC, find an LGBT center with a library, or just pick up some starter books from Amazon.com. The more you learn and the more you decide what you're comfortable with will make dating far more easier and enjoyable of an occasion.
This is good advice. Thanks considering I find myself in similar situations being new to the dating world. Also, to the OP, yes both are normal in relation to my experiences.
You don't have to rush into a relationship when you're not ready, but if you feel you like the guy then it's better to take everything easy. Let yourself enjoy the situation and feel free in this path. There's no force and you can come back anytime you want. Love may seems scary if it's your first experience but as you start dating regularly , you will find it more and more relaxed and enjoyable. Give yourself enough time. And about your parents ... I don't think it's necessary to inform them about your dates. It's your life and you don't need to talk about details when you don't want. Just maybe when you start a serious relationship it'll be good to let them know about it.
Completely normal. Intimacy (whether emotional or physical) is always a challenge, and particularly so for men, and even more so for gay men who are just coming to terms with being gay and living life as an out gay man. It's scary territory because it is new, and any time we make ourselves vulnerable to new experiences, such as dating and maybe feeling for someone... that's one of the most vulnerable feelings we can have. Absolutely. Same thing applies basically. Even if they know and are supportive, there's still a part of you that feels vulnerable exposing that part of yourself that is still new. There's fear that maybe they won't be comfortable, won't accept the idea even if they did before... but that, too, will in time become something pretty normal and comfortable.
I agree with Chip, you're just getting cold feet, cause you've never had a bf. An even I could never talk to my parents about whom i dated, not that I had a date, but it's kinda weird talking to parents about this sort of thing.
It's normal if i'm anything to go by (probably not saying much ) I've also never had a boyfriend and the idea of being intimate with someone is completely terrifying! I'd also find it really weird talking about dating to my parents... So i can't exactly offer you any advice, but you're certainly not the only one who feels like that. I hope it works out for you
