My coming out, up to now

First of all, I have to say EC was a pretty big inspiration for my coming out, so thanks!

So basically, I've always had lust for guys, but as I mentionned in my intro, I'd had some pretty big crushes on girls, so being gay was just not really in the picture. This fall though, I fell in love with a guy instead of girl, so I was like "uh-oh".

By that time, I began to accept that there was really something there. I didn't like it, but what can you do, eh? It went on for about two months. There was a lot of visual torture, as in seeing him every day, and I was not too happy about it. Now, it seems like it was never that hard, but if I read some stuff I wrote then, I was pretty pissed. My self-confidence took a pretty big hit.

I wanted to tell a friend of mine (girl) so we could talk about it, but we never really got to get together, so that didn't happen (still haven't told her). The guy I like is kind of shy and quiet, so I wasn't really able to connect with him and I wanted things to change (as I'm sure lots of you know, first crush on a guy = lots of useless speculation and insecurity, at least for me). So I began to think about telling him.

OK, OK, I know, coming out to a guy you don't really know much and telling him you love him isn't the recommended way of coming out, but I was like, "F*ck it, it'll be a challenge". Plus, being quiet, I figured he'd keep it to himself and not go running around telling everyone.

He did keep it to himself I told him after school one day. I was shaking like crazy and was saying "um" a lot, but I did it. He was like, are you kidding? (No, I'm not). He was pretty cool about it, said he wasn't gay and I just basically said thanks, sorry if freaked you out, and please keep it to yourself. After lots of awkward silence, he was like, I've got to go home now...

So that went relatively well. We haven't talked since (we barely talked before anyway) but it's fine. Overall, I was really glad I did it and it did lift a huge weight off my chest.

After about two weeks, I decided to also tell a friend of mine. She's not the best of my friends, but she's always really nice and I was slightly pissed at my other friends that day. That went perfectly well too, she was supportive to the point of being almost annoying, in a good way! (Aww... are you sure it's OK? You know, I hate homophobic jerks! It's great that you accept it... etc.)

About a week after that, I decided to tell of my best guy friends, who's actually a little homophobic, but more as in "afraid" than "hate", so that went surprisingly smoothly too, he was super surprised but he was OK with it and our relationship hasn't changed one bit.

Finally today, I told probably my best girl friend. She's pretty amazing; she was probably my biggest teenage crush a few years back, but she just wanted us to be friends, and since I got over her, we're really good friends.

So anyway, I invited her to the nearby coffee shop (more like dragged her in, 'cause she didn't want to go) and after some enjoyable chatter, basically told her I liked a guy. What's funny is that she didn't seem really surprised. So I told her, "And he knows. I told him." Then her mouth dropped

She was basically really nice about it too, and for the first time I felt really comfortable talking about him specifically to someone. And we also totally understood our respective guy problems, which was fun. We have lots in common...

OK, this has gone on and on so let's cut it here. Hope it wasn't too long... now I feel like an attention whore