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Coming Out Through a School Project

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Heyitsme, May 28, 2012.

  1. Heyitsme

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    For my AP Lit class, we have to write an autobiography about our lives. We have to choose two memories from each year of high school: one that was enjoyable, and one that you learned from (whether enjoyable or not). For my learning experience during 11th grade, I chose to write about discovering my sexual orientation and when I came out of the closet for the first time. I'm gonna share it to my English teacher at the very least when she reads my paper, and then possibly the rest of my English class if I choose to do part two of my project on this memory.
    I'm gonna post what I'm writing in here if you care to read it all. I'll put it at the very end though, if it's too long and you can't be bothered. And this is a first draft, so I know it's probably not that great, but whatever. I have senioritis and I just want to survive this class, so I'm really not too bothered about grammar and spelling and such anymore, to be quite honest :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    I just hope that people who are still struggling with their sexuality can learn some of the life lessons that I did :slight_smile:




    My junior year of high school started out somewhat rough, with much more schoolwork than I was accustomed to having, and a lot of drama with friends that was beginning to take its toll on my emotions. However, what most bothered me was the secrets that I was hiding from everybody, even my closest friends. One of these secrets was my sexual orientation. I first knew for certain I was homosexual during the summer between sophomore and junior years. I had my suspicions of that as early as I hit puberty and starting having feelings of true attraction (approximately eight grade), but I considered myself bisexual for a few years, rationalizing that by saying that someone who had dated a couple of girls couldn’t be gay. What convinced me otherwise was when I saw a post on a message board that said that if you had to force yourself to be attracted to someone, then you weren’t at all. That particularly struck me because it helped me realize that I had, in a sense, forced myself to “like” girls for most of my life because that had always been what I assumed to be expected of me. I realized, upon further reflection, that I had for a long time preferred to look at the cute guys at the beach over the cute girls, that I preferred the idea of living with a man I loved than a woman I loved, and that I had never felt anything more than a good friendship with my two ex-girlfriends.

    “Oh my god, I’m gay,” I said somberly to myself. Really, how else would I have said it? Thrilled? Pleased? Content? No. Those words would never be used to describe the realizations that I made, that friends and family might treat me differently or even disown me because of it, that people at school might harass me if word got out, or that under current law, my relationships were basically subpar to “real” ones. For the most part, I’ve managed to accept these things as they are, though occasionally, I still have off days. If it had been a choice, would I have chosen to be this way? Honestly, no. Who would want to choose the harder path in life? That’s just crazy. But will I still accept myself and try my very hardest to be the best person I can be and inspire others to do the same? Most definitely.

    The experience that I learned from the most during junior year was when I first came out of the closet, to my close friend *E* [editing out her real name]. We were chatting on Facebook and the topic of who I was crushing on at school came up, which I used as an opportunity to tell her everything that was on my mind at the time. I knew she would be a great person to tell first, and she did not disappoint me. Afterwards, she always provided herself as a friend to talk to if I ever had questions or needed any help or support, and she continued to treat me the same as she always had beforehand. However, we became much closer friends after this experience because we were both able to talk to each other much easier, and share things that might not ever be said to too many other people in our lives.

    What this memory taught me is that nobody can ever truly love you unless they know who you really are. Who you are can sometimes alienate others, but the people in your life who truly matter are the ones who will stick by your side regardless. From this experience, I gained the confidence to love myself for all of my strengths and weaknesses, and the willingness to be honest with people. In my everyday life, I let my personality and my accomplishments in school, music groups, and sports teams speak for me, and give people the choice to either respect who I am and what I’ve done or to move on with their lives and leave me to my own. Using this confidence, I have opened up to my parents and many of my peers at school. It is a journey that continues to this day, but despite the fears that I had earlier, I have never been treated badly by any other person, and I have not lost any friends due to this. Coming out and being honest has taught me that you can never have a real friendship with somebody unless he or she knows who the real you is.
     
  2. BudderMC

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    I like the idea, and I like the writing!

    I think it'll go over well to be honest. You're coming through confident about it, with a "no big deal" attitude. You're also doing it in a format of "everyone already knows" (kinda), so it isn't like you're "revealing this deep secret to the whole class" or anything.

    I think it largely depends on whether or not you want to do it though. You say you're out to everybody, so if it doesn't matter to you who knows, I'd say go through with it! Like you wrote, you might be able to help someone else who's still struggling just by being a good example.

    I kinda came out through an assignment recently; it was about "where we want to be in 10 years, personally and professionally". So under my personal goals, I listed a few things regarding my sexuality, mostly that I wanted to "be out", be honest with those around me, and find a lasting relationship with someone I loved. The response I got on it basically said that it was a very thoughtful and well-written piece. I suppose on that note it largely depends on whoever's marking it too: do you think they'll have a problem with it?

    That being said though, if they would have a problem with it, is it more important to please them or be honest for yourself? :slight_smile:

    I like it though, a lot!
     
  3. Heyitsme

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    I'm pretty sure it would go over well. Most people already do know, and the ones who don't only don't because they've never asked me about it, not because I don't want them to know or anything. I'm in a class of ten people, and not a single person is closed minded about homosexuality in this class, including the teacher. If I don't do the presentation on this memory, it's because I choose another one (I wanna do the one that's affected me the most on a personal level and I have a couple of others that could possibly be the one).
    I'm glad to hear that your own assignment went very well! It really is a great feeling to get good feedback on these types of projects :slight_smile:
     
  4. fireworks

    fireworks Guest

    It is a great idea. I suddenly feel quite..empowered. Like I could just come out right here, right now. Except I'm alone. :frowning2:

    Anyways, good luck and well done to you:')
    And you have inspired me.. I have ideas. *evil laughs*
     
  5. Heyitsme

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    Thanks :slight_smile:
    I'm glad that I could help empower you like that. But don't feel bad, your time will come :slight_smile:
    Hmm, evil laughs? What kind of ideas are brewing? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. RebelD

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    You got guts dude! I like it and I'm sure it will go well. Glad you have support and good luck :thumbsup:
     
  7. Mej7

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    What you've written so far sounds very good. What a great way to come out in school :slight_smile:
     
  8. Heyitsme

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    Thank you guys :slight_smile:
     
  9. Emberblaze

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    Awesome idea man! I love writting, actually i just finished writing a fantasy novel that I'm tryin to publish (but thats a whole other story). Hell, I may do that if the moment's ever presented to me.

    Hehh, and senioritis? Me and all my other friends taking high level classes have already caught it, like during the last quarter of our sophomore year! we're becoming juniors now... only getting worse... Lols, but congrats man
     
  10. Heyitsme

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    Thank you :slight_smile:
    I'm really glad to hear you love writing so much (and good luck with publishing your work)! I can't say the same though. My passions in life are for other things, but I definitely find writing to be much easier when you're allowed to write on whatever's on your mind, on whatever topic you choose :slight_smile:

    And yeah, senioritis.. it's quite contagious :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: but you have to put it off for as long as you can. Your education is really important.
     
  11. Chip

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    Wow, this is a really great essay, extremely well written, thoughtful, and inspiring. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. I'm sure it will have an impact on our members and our *many* non-member readers.