Here is my coming out story. This is a very long post but in writing this I hope it helps me and maybe some others. A little about myself, I will be 42 this year have a close knit family, was married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. I have always known that I am gay, even at a very young age I can remember things that confirm this. I suppressed those feelings because I was taught that “This is not how you are supposed to be.” I didn’t grow up in a very religious family but did go to church on Sundays. I also grew up in a very small town where this would be unheard of so I did what I thought I was supposed to do and tried to ignore these feelings for other guys. I ended up getting married when I was 30. I am very lucky to have her in my life. I had never dated much growing up and was very surprised that I had found a girl that wanted to marry me. It was somewhat of a relief. I told myself that I didn’t have to go through the pain of trying to find someone anymore and I can settle into a married life and everything would be okay. This was not the case. Things were good for the first 2 to 3 years and then things just became to routine. I know marriage can get this way but looking back I see it was not a good thing. The lie I was settling for was just not going to go away. My ex-wife knew something was wrong and didn’t know what. We talked and decided to separate. I went all to pieces! What was I going to do? Here I settled for suppressing my feelings and now she wants to leave me. I hope this next part makes sense, my revelation came when I realized that my lie was just that – it was mine! No one else knew it. I had made a deal with myself to tuck the feelings away and live like I was supposed to live. During our separation (2010-2011) I had 2 choices to make: 1. Not say a word and after the year separation file for divorce and it would be over. 2. Tell her who I am. I have to say that I played around with the idea of option 1 for a long time but then I had a second revelation. Not only did my secret rob me of experiencing a fulfilled fun life, it robbed her to. I didn’t treat her with 100% of affection that a husband should give to his wife. She was thinking that something was wrong with her and that is why our marriage failed. Now don’t get me wrong, we had a good time but there were some things missing. I had hit rock bottom. I had no idea what to do or who I was and frankly, felt that life had gotten the best of me. I decided I had to salvage what I could. I could not let her go on feeling that something was wrong with her so she was the first I came out to. It was devastating (for her) at first but let me tell you, time does heal and you have to give time a chance. This is very important. Give the family members, close friends and anyone else you tell time to absorb what you are telling them. You will know when it is the right time to bring it back up or you could let them approach you when they are ready to talk. It was a huge relief to tell her who I am. I then told my sister and mother and a few days later my best friend. All of them were okay with it. I am now waiting for the right time to tell my daughters. My ex-wife and I are really good friends now. We had dinner the other night and started talking about the new paths our lives can take. I tear up every time I think about what she told me. “I will be here for you, We are going to make you happy.” Now that is love! (and yes I am tearing up now) I don’t want to say that coming out has been easy for me but I can tell you that I feel a lot better that I have. I think the confusion comes in because I have lied for so many years about who I am I started believing it myself. It is time to take control of my life and be who I am supposed to be! I get excited thinking about my new path and can’t wait to see what is around the corner. I promise I will stop typing after I share this one last thing. It kind of explains where I am in life right now and I am willing to bet some of you feel this way to. A few years ago I saw this Christmas card. It was a cartoon that had a small fish bowl on a table with a Christmas tree in it. The 2 fish that had occupied the small fish bowl had cleverly busted a hole in the glass and both were now laying on the table facing each other in a pool of water. One says to the other – “Ok, We are out! Now what?” Keep a smile on your face! Give time a chance! Things will get better!
