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Mother - In progress

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Joel, May 29, 2012.

  1. Joel

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    Just as the date December 7th, 1941 will live on in infamy, for my mother, it will be May 12th, 2012.

    Admittedly, it may have been quite the shock for my mother. She'd grown so attached and accustomed to her idea of what my future would hold. Yes, I would marry a man, have two and a half children, live in a white house with a little picket fence and a dog in the front yard.

    However, I'd already shook up that preconceived notion. I'd given her doubts about the solidity of her dreams for my future. I'd told her that I was bisexual. The plan for my perfect life was darkened by an understandable, overhanging fear: one day, instead of a man, I'd lay with a woman.

    Furthermore, just as if to spite her, I, seemingly randomly, come out to her as a man. No more two and a half children, no more loving husband, no more picket fence or lounging dog. All of her careful planning thrown into an incinerator, callously tossed by me, her selfish daughter, her self-proclaimed son.

    As the dates can attest, it's been seventeen days since that dastardly conversation. The journal we pass back and forth, a most effective form of communication for easily intimidated me and my easily intimidating mother, has twenty or so pages dedicated to our conversations on this topic alone.

    Her caustic remarks on how I am not smart enough, nor mature enough, at 15, to know my own body well enough to make such decisions; these are quickly followed by heated rebuttals. Following these further are sarcastic, hateful remarks, though quickly amended with softer words and a thorough apology. As it is, we both follow this boom and bust cycle of fiery passion that quickly turns over to placating, gentle words.

    Currently, it is just her and I interlocked in this struggle. I haven't the heart just yet to drag my father into this ordeal. Perhaps when my mother and I stop waging such a hidden, monumental war, we can unite and tackle my father.

    As for now, though, I'll focus my energy on my mother, because as trying as it was for me to comprehend, it must be doubly so for her. Furthermore, I'm not even going to consider telling my friends just yet. I hardly believe they will abandon me, especially when one singlehandedly started a GSA at her school and the other's been my best friend since day one.
     
  2. LailaForbidden

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    Congrats!! :thumbsup: I know its hard, but it seems like your mom is making progress, as she's not totally condeming it. good luck! and must I say, this post is beautifully written :slight_smile:
     
  3. toms7

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    good job buddy :slight_smile:
     
  4. Oblivion

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    Congratulations on telling her and good luck in the future with your dad.
    Also, I totally agree with LailaForbidden. Your writing style is absolutely beautiful :slight_smile:
     
  5. Maxis

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    Straight
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    Out to everyone
    Don't worry, your mother will come around eventually and everything will be okay in the end. (*hug*) Still, congratulations for making it this far!
     
  6. Joel

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    Why thank you— for both the congratulations and your compliments on my writing style. I believe it would stand to reason that eventually my mother would accept me, but recent conversations give me my doubts.

    As this week, for my school, is dedicated to raising school spirit in the manner of themed dress down days. (A dress down day is a day where the students, for a fee, may wear any clothing they wish, as long as it follows dress code. Many remain in their uniform, despite the one dollar charge.) Today was Wacky Day. My mother'd taken it upon herself to pick out a 'wacky-tastic' outfit, as she'd called it, the night before. The outfit consisted of a hooded, purple and white striped short sleeve top, a gray and pink striped top (very similar to a corset in style) over it, as well as a sparkly, navy blue skirt. She'd then also informed me of which eyeshadow to use for each eye and which lipstick I was to use.

    In all fairness, it certainly was a wacky-tastic outfit. My ridiculous ensemble did not go unnoticed. When I'd finally returned home, I stripped off the offending clothes, redressed myself in a manner suited to my liking, and then proceeded to plan, without my mother's interference, for tomorrow, Classy Day.

    If I had it my way, I'd wear a suit and a tie. However, fate would have it that I owned nothing of the sort. Instead, I would have to make due with my father's old polo — oh how my mother detests that shirt — and a borrowed tie. As for trousers, I had none besides the ink stained khakis I wear daily. After I'd reasoned with my mother, she brought me to a local department store and bought me a pair of black trousers. Then, spying a sheer blouse with a hideous peacock feather design on the clearance rack, she made a move towards it. She asked if I owned any black camisoles, to which I lied, replying no. She persisted. I finally told her I did not care for the style. She dropped the fabric and glared at me, and for the life of me, I can't comprehend how I managed to turn her mood so sour so suddenly.

    My mother, feeling the need to remind me, informed me once more that I was a girl. I beg to differ. But were it not for the knowledge that if I pushed her too far I'd lose more than just the opportunity for these slacks, I would have voiced my opinion on the matter. The time during the ride home and even up till now has been spent in either silence or shouting, depending whether or not my father is in or out of the room.

    I fear that I may be pushing her too far too quickly and our relationship will suffer as a result. I've packed my father's polo and the tie into my bag, though I will be wearing a frilly top (of her choice) to school and on the way back. I dislike this trickery and I'm positive that it will come around later like an unwanted guest to fly into my face.
     
    #6 Joel, May 30, 2012
    Last edited: May 30, 2012
  7. BradThePug

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    Congrats on coming out!!

    What you have written in the last post sounds a lot like my mom. I never came out to her. When we went shopping I would look at the more masculine clothes. My mother would come over with the really feminine looking clothes. I would try to tell her nicely that I really hated the clothing item... but she would always get really mad. With time, and a little compromise, my mother came around. I hope that your mother will do the same.

    Good Luck!!
     
  8. Harlequin

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    First of all, like the previous posters, I offer my congratulations.

    I'm in a similar situation (born female, though I identify as genderqueer, heavily on the male side) and your description of your mom sounds like mine as well. However, I never came out to her; she found incriminating chats in my email account and I immediately denied everything, but she's now being very "strict" and keeping me away from everything that could "turn me gay."

    Therefore, when we're shopping and I drift towards the tempting suits, ties, and fedoras in the men's section, I'm unceremoniously spun around and marched towards the women's, where I'm forced to search for the few articles of clothing present that I could actually bear to wear. Ironically, I find myself thanking heaven girls wearing "boys' clothes" is in style nowadays, otherwise I'd probably find nothing to wear in the women's section.

    I do sympathize with your situation very much, and I hope it gets better for you.