Favorite response after coming out.

Since high school, I have reviewed movies and DVDs for a website dedicated to the horror genre, and when I decided to come out in 2009, I knew I would have to let everyone on the website know as well. I sent this message to my friend Steve, who I was especially close to as he was also responsible for editing my movie and DVD reviews.

Again, this was three years ago in the initial stages of the coming out process. Here's the message I sent him:

How the hell do I start this message? I’ve been asking myself that question for a few minutes now, and I still can’t think of a way to do it.

As the title suggests, I’m about to drop a bomb on you, so get ready.

I’m coming out.

Like, telling my family and friends, “Hey, I’m gay.”

And I’ve actually wanted to let everyone here on the site know about it for a while now, but then I remembered in that “ass surgery” thread where I wrote:

It may seem stupid, but I feel like I lied to everyone here with that comment, so let me explain. See, what the doctor really asked was, "Are you having anal intercourse?" which I truthfully answered no. I'm gay, but I'm not having sex. Poop tickler is just a funny phrase to me and I wanted to use it. I feel the need to clarify this so people aren’t assuming I was trying to be homophobic to somehow debunk any suspicions regarding my sexuality. I am completely proud of who I am and extremely comfortable talking about it. Now, with that said, I am also pretty reserved and laid back, so even though I’m out now, don’t expect me to float into each thread you guys post and gay it up for the hell of it.

I held off coming out to everyone here because I didn't want you guys to treat me differently. Half the jokes you guys say are gay jokes, and I think they're funny, so I don't want you guys to stop posting them because you’re scared you’ll offend me. At the same time, I don't want you guys to pick on me any more than you do each other. I expect the same amount of torture and abuse as usual. But I am thinking realistically, and I know how you guys viciously classify each other, so if I have to take on the honorable title of the website's resident homosexual, I’ll happily wear the tiara.

He replied that same day. Now, I've received some great reactions from friends and family, but his response will always be my favorite:

First and foremost, good luck on telling your family. I hope that goes (went) well. To be honest, though, it's always sounded like you've had a really solid family (unless you lied about that, too!!) and I suspect if that's the case, they already know. (I don't want that to sound harsh, because it's not meant to be. I just mean that people closest to you generally know, but it goes unspoken for whatever reason.)

Secondly, I honestly don't think anyone on the board will care. LOL

I mean that in the regards that we are pretty liberal. I'm confident that you won't get any shit at all, but rather support. I will warn you, though, LDG is an amazingly horrible homophobic douchebag (this is probably not a surprise). I'm not saying that as an assumption, she has said homosexuality is an abomination and a choice on other boards. I suspect she will not say anything, and even act supportive, but I want to prepare you in case she does say something. On the plus side, she will get leveled for it if she does, I will promise you that. I guess I'm saying to be prepared just in case, but also know that the repercussions will be brutal on her side.

Now, all that said, I'm going to tell you a few things:

1. When I read this PM, my thought was, "Huh. Chris is gay." That's it. Because I honestly don't care (you know what I mean by that, I'm sure. It's not that I don't care that you are coming out -- I fucking hugely respect that. Good for you, as I can't imagine the fear/worry that entails, and you having the strength to do it, especially at a relatively young age, is fantastic). I believe that the cats on the forum will feel the same way. "Huh. Chris is gay. Can we make fun of LDG more, now?” LOL

2. Oh, Chris, Chris, Chris. If you think for one second that I will stop calling people gay, including you, because you are gay, that will not happen. LOL

True story, I was talking to a gay friend of mine (who is hardcore republican, go figure). This was fresh into our friendship, but we were becoming fast friends. Anyway, he said something, I can't remember what, and I said, "Stop acting gay."

There was silence for a moment.

He then replies with, "Well what the fuck did you expect, dumbass?"

We both giggled like school girls.

Point is, like I believe that no one will care, I also believe no one will change in the way they treat you. Put it this way, we all know Eric is Jewish, but that doesn't stop the random Hitler jokes. I've always considered the website a big dysfunctional family, and we all love each other to some degree, you coming out isn't going to change a damn thing.

3. With you coming out, we have the following covered: Jews, Asians, Blacks, Fatties, The British and now Gays. Fuck, man, we're a Bennetton advertisement (you may or may not get that, could be before your time). This site will never be shut down FTW!

Now, with all that said, I applaud your decision. It's a fucking shame we still have to live in a society where you have to be applauded your decision to come out, but that's slowly changing for the better, I think. You need anything, let me know. I don't know what I can offer, but I will do the best I can.

I might've been only twenty when I came out, but that's no excuse why I can't buy him a drink now. I owe him that much.

[timo]

Whoaahh that's quite a long response but it is a great one. Sounds like he's a great friend I can relate to the gay joke stuff, people around me tend to make them quite a lot but I don't cate at all. Hell I even make them myself.

My favourite response so far was from my closest friend. It was a pretty short one but it was the best response I could wish for. I told him I'm gay and he was like

Oh really? That's fine.

which, a few seconds later, was followed by

Alright I'm going to get us a beer, we need to toast to this

Awesome. He did ask a few questions but not before us toasting for coming out

[squally89]

When I came out no one got me beer lol
All I got was "I already knew that" or "oh I am not surprised~"
My family reaction was *sobbing* and "oh your just going through a phase, and I am going back to sleep" said my brother.

3 years later I can finally sort of talk about guys to my brother and sister~
Now our conversation sounds like this with my sister (who's 28 seeing a 34 year old)
Me - So you still talking to him?
Sister - Yeah. I am (texting)
Me - Are you talking to him right now?
Sister - Yes
Me - I dated a 34 year old too~
Sister - Umm...Ew!

[Nathan]

One of my favorite reactions was probably from one of my friend, who we'll call Emily. I had already told a few of my closer friends, because I knew I could trust them and that they wouldn't tell anyone, but I hadn't told Emily yet, due to her being really gossipy, and not having mush regard for but one time while we were hanging out, one of my friends who already knew kept urging me tot tell her. When I finally did, she immediately screamed "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSER THAN THIS!" And started pouting. When we got back to her house, she ran up to her parents and said "GUESS WHAT MOM AND DAD!" and we had to physically restrain her to stop her from telling them. I was kind of freaked out at the time but looking back it was pretty funny.

My other favorite reaction would be when I told the guy I was crushing on. His response was to tell me he was bi, and had a crush on me too. It was so great.

[Debra]

I haven't had the occasion (ok, courage -_-') to come out many times, but one of those will probably stick with me for a while. I'd been trying (unsucessfully) to drop hints through private message on facebook to a classmate, whom I thought would be the most accepting. Turns out she didn't get much out of the hints (aside from my constant referring to rainbows) and I had to plain tell her after plenty of stalling.

She told me something along those lines (from memory, and translated from French) :
You could have said it right away! For me, whether you say you like girls, or asian noodles, it's no big deal!

As I pointed out to her, I'd lived off asian noodles for most of that year, so that helped ease the pseudo tension that had built up (at least on my side)

"I love you too!"

Best. Response. Ever.

[Ianthe]

My favorite is when I just mention something in passing and someone is like:

And then they try really hard to hide it and pretend like they aren't feeling shocked--but they fail.

[Oblivion]

My favorite was my friends deciding to throw a party because it was 'too cute' that I was gay/bisexual (undecided) and told my best friend to turn gay so we could go out =3

[anonymous1]

After I told my sister she said,
"Can I dye your hair rainbow?!!!"

[Enaithor]

When I was in Year 11, I started coming out to some of my closer friends (not only the closest but still pretty restricted) and pretty much all of them were just like, "Erm I've known this for the last 4 years lol"
Basically, I'm the most obviously gay person in the entire universe.
But one of them, even though she wasn't at all homophobic, just refused to believe me for an entire day, which is still a total mystery to me now...
Then the next day she was just like, "oh my god I can so see it now aahh *hug*"

Just makes me laugh that it took her AN ENTIRE DAY to work out that I'm gay AFTER I told her!!

[SMiLeitsme]

I told my mom and, of course, was stressing about it all day and she said "I've known for a really long time"
I told my best friend and he was like "Like the last three guys you've been with weren't 'coming out' enough?"
The ALL TIME BEST one was "Oh really, so I do still have a chance with you [wink/ass grab]" He was so beautiful, but a little too crazy for me.

[ThatCoopKid]

Haha. The funny part was that I just came out with my closest friend down here in Florida a week ago, and his response was "Really? I never would have guessed if you hadn't told me."

[RealityCheck]

I told a friend here and she would not believe me.

Me: I like guys, just thought you should know.
Her: LOL, shut up you dork.
Me: I'm serious. I'm gay.
Her: STFU, LOL.
Me: I've told you about the guy I'm talking to for months now.
Her:What your imaginary friend?
Me:He is real. I'm not making this shit up.
Her:Boy you are so crazy.
Me:You believe me don't you?
Her. SSSUUURRREEE I do. You crack me up.

I don't see her that much so I guess when she sees me in public with him, it will sink in. She thinks I'm joking with her.

[julia]

My sister saying, "But what about Jake Gyllenhaal and Blaine (From Glee)?"

[Snowy song]

[ This requires a bit if background; sorry...] I'm a freshman in high school and I've been going to the GSA since September. The first people I came out to were the two heads of the club. There are only about a dozen people in the GSA, so we know each other pretty well. I'd been trying (and not quite getting up the courage) to come out at GSA for a few months (isn't that supposed to be the easiest place to do it??...I guess I'm just a wimp). We were talking about something random, and then there was an awkward silence in the conversation.
Me (in tiny little squeaky voice from the corner of the room): "ummm, I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm gay".
They started clapping. It doesn't sound terribly exciting, but clapping is a pretty nice thing for a pair of totally freaked out ears.

[TheEdend]

That's great to hear your friend was so supportive!

For those wanting to share and read more awesome responses, there is this awesome thread swimming around here if you want to take a look

[Stonkle]

I told a close friend of mine that I was gay recently while completely wearing a straight face. She goes, "NICE!!" and then instantly double high-fives me, saying that I have good taste. XD

[Ser Pounce]

My favorite response would have been by my best friend. I wasn't sure about his reaction at all, because he used to use "gay" (and the German equivalent) in a negative sense a lot and seemed to have a general aversion to the topic. And I remembered one or two homophobic comments. I was pretty desperate after a few years of this so in an all or nothing attempt I confronted him:

Me: i don't like girls...and i don't know what you think about that
Him: what should I think about that? what do you expect?

Suffice to say I was amazed at how well he took it. And there seemed to be no shock whatsoever - he said he would never have guessed, but his positive reaction was instantaneous, telling me he respected me for coming out and feeling bad for stupid comments. He is super-supportive now.


A reaction from another friend I told today with the help of Mass Effect

Me: Do you remember asking me whom my Shepard dates? And how I told you he had to wait for Mass Effect 3?
Him: Yes
Me: Well, what happens in Mass Effect 3?
Him: Reapers attack earth?
Me: That too, but...romance options?
Him: Err
Him: Same sex romance?
Me: Yep
Him: So whom did you choose?

Took him some time to come up with that answer, but I liked how he didn't care in the least.
Turns out his favorite uncle is gay, too.

[farah]

You're friend's reply was great! ^^ I only came out to one person & she replied:

"Oh.. ok! I thought you were going to tell me you were a suicide bomber."

I think that is the best response I would ever get, haha.

[LisforLisa]

I got this message form a truth is on facebook. I heard you came out..n I just wanted to say, that even though I don't know you, I'm extremely proud at how much courage you have. You're truly an inspiration(: