Coming out advice!

1.)You should tell the truth, as best you know it. If you believe you are gay, you should say that. You don't have to have ironclad certainty; just speak honestly from your best understanding of the truth at the time. That's all anyone ever does.

2.) I don't know really. Write out a list of all the reasons you have come to the conclusion you have, and keep it with you to look at. (DO NOT write down all the doubts produced by your denial.)

3.) When I first came out, I felt very strange, and everything was kind of surreal for a while. I felt like I was floating and disconnected from everything. But it wasn't horrible, and since then my life has improved greatly.

4.) I could not say it. I sent people facebook pms and text messages. I wrote my mom a letter and my dad an email. I took my mom the letter in person, but handed it to her and ran away to another room. I was 29 years old, and had no rational reason to think anyone would be anything other than accepting. Do what you have to, to get it out, especially with people you expect to accept you. Wait to tell people that you expect will react badly until you are able to tell them in a way that will mitigate the reaction.

I was in denial until my late twenties, but once I was out of denial, I did not stay in the closet long; like you, I found it intolerable. Good Luck!

 

For the first couple people I told outside of my girlfriend, I let them fill in the blank. It's a cop out, but it was a little easier. I'd begin the conversation with something like:

"There is something I need to tell you about myself and I'm not sure how you're going to react, but it's something that could change our friendship..."

and then that would typically be the point where my friends would be like "are you gay? Because that would be totally fine." or something along those lines.

Now, I was coming out to straight males, so I don't know what it would be like coming out to females if you're the same gender. What I mean by that is that there is a certain "masculine culture" around very straight men where they have high potential to react negatively to being told one of their closest male friends is gay. Straight guys use a lot of homoerotic humor around other straight guys but that dynamic has the potential to change drastically when a actual homosexual is involved... if I'm making any sense here. I feel like I do.

Consider me the Jane Goodall of straight men. I've studied their habits and behavior and they even accepted me as one of their own.

Anywho, I don't know if it's the same with telling straight females you're gay, but I found it more difficult to tell members of your own sex that you're gay. Perhaps practicing on a few boys would be helpful or help you work up the courage. I think my method of guiding them to fill in the blank is a little easier but learning to say out right "I am gay" is really gratifying and empowering.

 

1) Whichever you feel most comfortable with. If you say I'm attracted to girls then they might ask if you are gay or bisexual. So, really doesn't matter.

2) Just take some deep breathes and think of the reasons why you want to do this.

3) I felt good. I was happy to have it off my chest.

4) I planned on slowly bringing it up but I got so nervous that I almost passed out :/ So, I waited about an hour and randomly blurted it out. I don't recommend this. Even my Daddy said that I could have brought it up better than that lol.

 

Alright I'm just going to answer them one by one instead of making it into a story.

1) You should say whatever you feel most comfortable with! I'm not at all comfortable saying "I'm gay" so up until now I always told them "I like guys" (well not exactly this but I don't know how to translate it from Dutch to English)
2) Tough one. My friend wasn't called "denial" but "chickening out". He was a great friend, and still is sometimes. But thinking about why you should do it really helps.
3) Like Ianthe said, it felt kind of surreal. Surreal-good though, I felt really relieved that someone else except for me and my bedroom walls knows and was accepting about it.
4) When I want to come out to someone, in my head I always think about doing it as soon as possible... but I always end up telling people at the end of the evening or something like that. So when looking at it like that: yeah it does take me a while to get it out. On the other hand, once I've started talking I can't be stopped and just tell "hey listen, I like guys" and ...well basically everything that comes into my mind.
I did think about sending people a Facebook message or something but I want to see their reactions right then, waiting for a reply would probably kill me.

Anyway, GOOD LUCK! I know you're able to do this and I'm sure you'll feel so much better! :icon_bigg Let us know how it went

 

1) I'd say you should say whichever one is easier for you, when I came out to my family I just said "I like girls", that was definitely a lot easier to say then "I'm gay". Also if you're not 100% sure you're gay I wold definitely stick with "I'm attracted to girls", because you may regret coming out as gay if realize you're bisexual.
2) Tell it to shut up and that you got this!
3) I was extremely nervous and I felt the crying, it was really, really overwhelming. It took a lot because I came out to my dad, mom, and sister all at different times so it was likt coming out three times in one day. But I felt so, so relived when I did come out to them, I am happier now that I did.
4) With my sister I just texted her, "I like girls" and I said it rarely quickly to my dad since I already came out to my ister and mom by then, but with my mom it took the longest, I just couldn't seem to get the words out, it also took a lot of explaining that I am actually gay and do not like guys.

I wish you the best!! (*hug*)

 

Hey there. Wow, congratulations on having the guts to even think about coming out. You're probably freaking out like crazy right now It's normal I guess in a lot of ways, when you're thinking about coming out, it's a lot more scary than actually doing it. When you're thinking about it, you go through every possible thing that could possible go wrong, and it's terrifying. When you actually do come out, there might be a few things that go wrong, but not all 150 things on your mental checklist of what-ifs can actually happen at once, so take a deep breath! I guess I'll just answer your questions in order...

1) I think it depends on how confident you are in your identity. I think people are more likely to believe you and not ask probing, scary, and downright annoying questions if you just say you're gay. Are you comfortable using that label? (When you look in the mirror, can you say, "I'm gay" and it feels natural, or does the label feel like something that isn't you?) If you're comfortable with that label, I think people get take the message a little better if you say I'm gay, but it's your choice. If you say, "I'm attracted to girls", they might say...."wait...are you like gay or something?"...so you'll probably end up in the same place, anyways .

2) Though I'm not really a believer in karma/stuff like that, I most definitely was wearing the same blue sweater the first three or four times I came out. If it worked the first time, I decided to wear it again the second and third times. If you have a special article of clothing/jewelry/stuffed animal/ lucky whatever, bring it; it'll make you feel saf(er)/cozy. Also, It helps if you take a moment to yourself beforehand to take a deep breath and say, I can do this. Give yourself a pep-talk! If you can't seem to choke out the words, it might help to say, "I have something I need to tell you. This might take me a minute to say." That way, you won't be awkwardly trying to insert it into the conversation while you're not even sure you can get the words out if the room is silent.

3) How did you feel when you first came out? - Hmmm...this might require a bit of background. I had the lightbulb moment when I figured out I was gay when I was 11 (I know... it sounds young, but I was 100% sure), but I didn't actually come out to a singly person until 3 years 6 months and 12 days (or 1,290 days) later. It sort of felt like breathing air for the first time in, well, 1,290 days. I told the two heads of my school's GSA (side note - if you're looking for someone to come out to for one of the first time(s) tell other LGBTQ people because they won't have a bad reaction - probably - and they'll give you advice!) I was incredibly relieved, to say the least. Terrified, shaking, but relieved. And if it feels like you're about to have a heart attack:
1. you won't
2. it's normal

4) Did you just say it or did it take a while for you to get the words out of your mouth? The day before I came out for the first time, I was afraid of exactly that. I thought I would get my friends' attention, open my mouth, and then nothing would come out and I would just start sobbing hysterically. Here's what worked for me: The day before, I took a two hour long walk, and practiced my lines. I'm not sure what you feel most comfortable with, but I decided on a sentence: Um...I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm gay. Yes, umm was a part of my sentence. After repeating it a few thousands times (no exaggeration) it got to the point where my mouth sort of went on auto-pilot. All I had to think about was saying umm...I just.. and then the rest came tumbling out. So, when I actually did it, I wasn't choking out the words "I'm gay". Instead, I stuttered on umm..mm.I-I-I j-j-just....and then before I could think otherwise, I completed the sentence. I'm not really that great at giving advice, but that's what worked for me Just practice it with yourself a few times at least so you're not searching for words.

Ooops, that was a long post. I hope someone actually reads this. Good luck! you can do it. Keep us posted here.

 

1) As others have said, you should say what feels the most genuine for you.
2) I had a hard time saying it, so I had to put myself in a situation I couldn't back out of. I texted my mom saying I had something important to talk about. That way when she called and asked about it, I'd have a hard time changing the subject. So that's what worked for me. Also having a drink beforehand worked for me, but I can't endorse that, especially since you are underage.
3) I felt relieved most of all. It was a huge release of pressure.
4) When I was coming out to my mom, I was indirect at first. She's met my current girlfriend before, so I just told her I had feelings for this girl. My mom asked if dating guys had always seemed wrong to me, and that's when I clarified by saying I was bi. So yeah, it did take me a little time to just say it.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

 

Good luck - wow, you're on a roll with this! Glad to here we were of some help. Keep us posted over the weekend , please.

 

Then you come out as bisexual later. There's no rule saying that once you come out as a lesbian, you must stick with that for your entire life. I think it's just nerves and your mind giving you excuses not to do it. Stay strong!

 

I am going to use an experience from coming out to my brother last month

1. As you can see, we have very similar "Orientation status". I said "I like girls." and he then asked whether I liked just girls so I explained him my feelings. I guess you shouldn't say you're gay when you are not sure.
2. Just say to yourself: You wanted to do this, so DO IT NOW! Simply write it or tell it. Start with "I want/need to tell you something." in the very beginning of the conversation and then you can't back up
3. Relieved, happy, all the "good feelings" inside me
4. I didn't say it, I wrote it. And as I wrote, I started with the "Can I tell you something?" sentence, then I asked my brother if he would keep it a secret like a million times Then I just wrote it and it was okay

Good luck! (*hug*)

 

I was a little shaky and to some people I started with knock knock they would say whos there and then i would say me as i step out of the closet! It lightens up the mood for me and makes it easier to talk about it. I've only gotten positive responses so far except for one dude who told me no more sleeping over haha. But try to be calm it's not as bad as you think it is.

 

Is it normal to at the last possible second question everything and wonder if you're completely wrong? Yes. completely.
I guess before you start telling people, there's always this little voice in the back of your head that tries to tell you that you're making everything up. If your entire 'real' self is only what you think inside your head and not how you act around others, it can be super confusing. The same exact thing happened to me, so don't worry - you'll be okay. I got to a point a few times when I would be about to come out to someone, and think - wait...how do I know this is real...maybe I just invented this out...**cue: massive freakout I think if you're not entirely confident yet, you should probably come out saying "I like girls" not "I'm gay", but whatever feels right is fine . Coming out is super hard, no matter how you do it. The hardest part is right before you come out, because that's when you doubt yourself, your existence, and other things I won't mention...:eusa_doh:...

One thing that worked for me was I made a list of all the girl crushes I'd had (actually beginning when I was 6...it's pretty funny) and then when I doubt myself, I go through that and think, come on! you're obviously not straight.

After you come out, you start to feel real. Like, you're actually a living, breathing person, rather than some strange impostor. It's frightening, but wonderful.

So, I know that doubting yourself just makes it one more huge step harder. One thing my friend said to me that I'm going to repeat is, there's never a good time to come out.
It's going to be terrifying no matter when or how you do it, but the longer you wait, the more you question yourself. I believe in you! Good luck, and lots of hugs (*hug*) keep us posted.

 

i think you should tell it as it is and if they hate you for it they arent good pepole

 

Ah, that's so fantastic, I'm so, so happy you told her!! It is definitely, mostly, in our heads and oddly enough telling my parents are fairly easy, but everyone is difficult. Good luck on your coming out, but don't feel the need to tell everyone. Congrats again

 

congrats!! i think it is so awesome you were able to do it in person, i have only come out through texting and that was scary enough. thats funny that she came out to you aswell. and good luck coming out to your parents.