Well, hello everyone. First time I have posted on a forum like this. I am 48 yr old man, who at last decide to be 100% honest with myself 1 year ago and started 'coming out' to lots of people - friends, family and colleagues - after a life time of half-hearted partial confessions about being bisexual usually followed by long spells back in the closet - and after having two short lived (but special) relationships with girls - which were never actually going to last because i was lying to myself. Although second girlfriend now my best mate. I guess it has been an incredible year, with no negative reactions at all - even from older more conservative people. I have not told my Mum (altho did tell her in a letter 20 years ago I was bisexual - but have never talked more about it) and may be don't really need to? I just 'feel' so different. Liberated, but also slightly annoyed with myself for not doing this much, much earlier. I think now I am at the stage where having tried on this new coat and starting to feel 'okay' about it I want to start moving from the 'telling' to the 'doing/living it' phase and thats were I seem to have become stuck for months now. I am seeing a therapist who specialises in working with gay people (and is gay himself) which has been really useful and I have joined a 'gay outdoor club' and been on some walks and met other gay people on these but must admit still feel awkward and uncomfortable. I have lived in the straight world with straight friends for so long, the gay world doesn't yet feel like mine. Would be great to hear from other people who also have left it late and also feel unsure about where to go from here
Congrats on your success so far. I started coming out about 2 years ago at about age 41. You are correct when you say that the gay world doesn't feel like it's yours. I felt that way too at first. Basically I had to get out and meet other people and start being around other gays. Once I was free to be myself around them, I slowly grew comfortable with it. I now feel like I belong (for the most part). The most difficult part of the process was making new gay friends. Keep hanging around other gays. Keep going to therapy. You'll get there. It just takes time.
Welcome and congratulations! I'm about where you are now after coming out the past few months at age 56. I'm looking forward to more responses to your thread because I need the same information. I've braved up and stopped in at a couple local gay bars lately. I've found it a lot more comfortable being there when it's not crowded - late in the afternoon. I've met a few guys close to my age. Last weekend I went to them later at night. It was a lot louder, and younger, crowd. I didn't feel like I fit in at all, but it was probably because most of the guys there were with their groups of friends. I know if I take it slowly, I'll eventually have a great group of friends. I just won't find them when the music is blaring and people have been drinking for several hours. It probably didn't help that it was the annual pride festival and there were a lot of non-locals there too. Later in the month I'm going to the local monthly PFLAG meeting in hopes of meeting more people like me. It's about time, huh? Good luck on your journey!
Umm... thanks for comments so far and good to know there are other older 'lately out' men with similar thoughts and questions. To add to my own dilemma, I am living in a very rural place (by choice because of a great new job and I am not a city person), which means not really any gay bars or clubs I can just drop into (without driving for 2+ hrs!). Anyway any other comments appreciated...
