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did i disappoint them?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by rene, Jun 10, 2012.

  1. rene

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    Soo this is my second time actually trying to use this so here it goes...
    ive recently started coming out to close friends, and my mom. when i first came out i was dating this one guy that was like my best friend and i thought hed be really really okay with it and but i only told him that i thought i was bi.... he flipped out, he began being very hurtful and mean (rather not say what he attempted doing) so now i try avoiding him, it has been four years sense then and he still finds me to tell me I'm sick and should die because i like women, and i have found it extremely hard to come out even to my gay best friend. Bt i finally did about two months ago or so and it wasnt even face to face it was over text... he was really supportive, obviously and i love him. then i told some other close friends probably about four people then kyle talked me into telling my mom so eventually i did, it didnt end well. She told me i dont know what that means etc. it didnt help that before this i felt like my older sister was the favorite, but she made me feel like the mistake that should've never happened... i feel like she doesnt want me around and like ive disappointed her in every way possible and i hate myself for it and i feel like I'm gonna hurt myself and it wont end well..... i mean kyle tells me i didnt disappoint her she just needs time amd she feels like she did something wrong, but honestly i feel like he wont really know because his mom was completely fine with it and if she wasnt he didnt say so.
    Ive also came out to another ex after we broke up he was cool with (mostly because the three of us (me kyle and him) are all best friends) but ever sense i told him theres been something weird between us and i asked him about it and he wishes i was straight.... i feel like i really screwed things up with him... idk what to do anymore..... HELP?

    sorry about the long post but i really need help from anyone....
     
  2. ilayis

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    He needs to accept you or you need to drop him for your own sanity.Sorry I've got nothing better for you atg the moment.
     
  3. peanutbutter

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    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

    You can't change your, friend nor anyone. Nor can they change you. One thing life promises, is that not everyone will be okay with your choices, and who ou are as a person. It's not the end of the world, even though for the moment it may seem as though it is.

    give your friend time, and if that friend does not turn around, they are not a bad person, just maybe the two of you have went different ways in one area of life. Not every area just one.

    Please don't hurt your self because of it, physcially nor mentally. You're not a disappoinment! Be nice to yourself. Be kind.
     
  4. Ianthe

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    Parents are often upset at first but usually come around. They go through a grieving process. You can read about it here: Stages of Grief.

    So, your friend Kyle, who seems to be the gay friend, is probably right about that.

    Your ex still has feelings for you. That is why he is unhappy that you are a lesbian. He will also get over it.

    Please don't hurt yourself. If you need help, you can call the Trevor Lifeline:866 488 7386.

    If anyone is disappointed, it is not your fault. Your sexuality is what it is, you only told them about it. You could not have made it different.

    If I want it to be sunny outside and you tell me it's raining, I might be disappointed. But you can't change the weather, and it would not be reasonable to hold you responsible for my disappointment.

    You can't change your sexual orientation either, and if people are disappointed because they wanted and expected you to be straight, it is not your fault.
     
  5. vyvance

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    Like Ianthe said, you can read about stages of grief on the site here at this link. Stages of Grief. Just posting the link in case you have any trouble finding the page.

    Also, to reiterate what has been said, your sexuality is what it is. You didn't disappoint anyone by telling them the truth. Your sexuality would still be what it is even if you didn't tell them.
     
  6. Ianthe

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    Thank you. I meant to do that....
     
  7. farah

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    Avoid people who are putting you down. I would send a letter to my mom telling her everything on my mind because it is more comprehensive such as wishing things were different blah blah, stuff that would make her be sympathetic. As for your ex who was "cool" with it, he is having some issues of his own, don't be bothered by it. You were born this way, you can not disappoint them for being yourself. You cannot live your life pleasing others. Stay strong! xx
     
  8. rg93

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    Rene,

    Parents often react in unexpected ways. Some better than others. Im sure she'll eventually get over it and accept you for who you are. But you can be sure that your mom still loves you and I have to agree with your very supportive friend Kyle - she just needs a bit of time to stomach it. If she reacted that way, it means she didn't really see it coming.

    As for your ex date-best-friend-like guy, screw him. If he didn't accept you eventually then he wasn't really your friend to begin with. It's hard to take in, but I have made a similar mistake but it doesn't really matter in the end.

    Just concider this - there isn't much you can do about it and you have to make it clear that you can't be someone you're not just because someone "wishes you were straight". It's not really your fault. As a wise lady once said, we are born this way. :thumbsup:

    Give it time, it gets better!

    Best of luck! :icon_wink
     
  9. AdamStark

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    Most of what I can is just a rehash of what others have said. Your mother is shocked, but a parent never loses their love for their children. It may take her some time, in fact it may be a very long time, but she will eventually come around. She may not be the most supportive, but you will always be her daughter and she will love you.

    As for the ex; when someone you are dating or have dating finds out you are gay, they feel hurt. There is this feeling of, "If he/she knew, why did they date me? Did they just use me as a test of some kind?" That can be hard to accept, because no one likes to be used. Obviously you didn't intend to hurt anyone, but emotions run high. The best you can do is keep away and give him the time he needs to adjust.
     
  10. rene

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    thanks everyone for the advice it was/is very helpful. I've stopped talking about it with my mom or she did i dont know and i dont really care. And about the ex-bestfriend guy its hard to keep away cause he comes to me, I've tried basically avoiding him but he just goes to kyle and complains then kyle complains to me and tells me to talk with him, i feel horrible about it and i love him to death just not the way he wants. But I've stopped talking about anything even remotely close to personal with him, though i feel bad i feel like its the right decision..