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Is it different for women?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by AdamStark, Jun 12, 2012.

  1. AdamStark

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    What I am asking is if the experience for women telling their straight female friends they are gay is different than when guys tell their straight male friends? We all know that there is a culture of masculinity among straight guys; that whole tough, macho thing.

    Maybe it was my generation or the friends I had, but I got very few negative reactions from the straight guys I told. One jokingly told me not to check him out, but another asked me seriously if I was attracted to him or if I planned to come on to him. Of course the answer was no, but I couldn't help but feel offended by that.

    So, for the ladies who have come out, did you have to worry about situations like that with your straight female friends?
     
  2. Drakey

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    I have a feeling it's more or less the same. I've found that women tend to be much less homophobic than men (not meaning that there aren't female homophobes, of course there are). I've found women to be a lot more accepting of things like that. When my friend declared she was a lesbian to all of her female friends, nobody seemed to feel any different about her and treated her the same way.
     
  3. DefineNormal

    DefineNormal Guest

    I always felt easier coming out to my female friends, but that's just because I'm closer with them. I agree that generally girls seem to be more accepting, but guys are normally pretty cool with lesbians- in my experience. I think that it's probably slightly easier to come out to girls, although of course there are exceptions. C:
     
  4. Ianthe

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    The concern that you will start hitting on your friends exists in straight women as well, but I don't think as severely as in men. I think it's partly because female sexuality is presumed to be passive while male sexuality is presumed to be aggressive. But also because women are more accustomed to the idea of having to refuse unwanted advances.

    The idea that we might have feelings for our straight friends is not unwarranted. We often do. The offensive thing is if they assume that we will have feelings for all same sex people, or act as if our interest in them is some kind of insult. Or if they suggest that romantic interest in them would terminate the friendship. They should understand that they must treat your interest the same as they would treat that of an opposite-sex person that they weren't attracted to--just be flattered, and refuse as kindly as possible.
     
  5. csocm

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    when i came out to one of my friends she was like "i sorta guessed it" and then she said something about how it will take her sometime to fully digest it. my other friend was like, "im not completely surprised" they both said how they still love me and that they will support me.
    I personally don't really worry about my straight friends being homophobic when i come out to them.
     
  6. midwestgirl89

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    I think it can be similar for women. I feared telling my straight female friends because they might assume I'm attracted to them. It was much easier for me to tell my straight male friends that I'm gay than to tell my straight female friends for that very reason. There was more fear associated with the straight females.

    I have been given the cold shoulder by a straight female acquaintance before. She was very friendly to the gay males but very stand-offish to the gay women. I don't think all straight women are like this at all. I bet that there are both homophobic men and women. And accepting men and women.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2012 at 03:10 PM ----------

    The straight female friends I came out to on my own accord have responded well. Straight females in high school were a bit weirded out by me.
     
  7. Maddy

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    I've unfortunately had a lot of straight girls react quite badly. Not violently, but a lot of gossip and insults behind my back, constant personal questions, refusing to touch me, that kind of thing.
     
  8. Tycho

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    Yeah, I'd say that to your face women probably show less signs of negativity towards coming out, but they're far more likely to make the announcement public to anyone within a 100 mile radius as the gossip spreads like wild fire.

    And it can be uncomfortable as straight women friend relationships involve quite a lot of hugging (and what men probably perceive as more "intimate" gestures) which can make things awkward. I've had to explain to my friends that "no, I'm not coming on to you as you're like my sister - I don't see you in that way".

    But I could never truthfully say how much different it is considering I'm not a gay male coming out to straight men. I guess it would really just depend on the people who you're coming out to. I still haven't told my more conservative religious friends as it seems a lot more daunting.
     
  9. ryanninjasheep

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    Not that im a girl, but some comparison would be nice

    I live in a very accepting area, and even when I told my crush I liked them they just said "well, Im glad someone does!"
    (His girlfriend recently broke up with him)

    I just wanted to share my story...
     
  10. Lark

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    ^ This. When my friend started coming out, she told everyone to keep it a secret, but she accidentally told the wrong person and by the end of the day everyone in the school knew :L Since then, I know a lot of the girls have talked about her behind her back. I will agree that boys, however, are more likely to be homophobic to her face, but not always-they can also be gossipy.
     
  11. SohoDreamer

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    I don't know for lesbians coming out, but I think girls are easier to talk to about being a non-hetero guy. I know that the first people I came out to were all girls, and they were so accepting and supportive of me that I finally managed to come out to my whole school year, and now everyone knows. I get abuse quite a bit, but always from guys. I've actually got closer to some girls since coming out, as I think they like having a gay (well, bi) friend in me.
     
  12. Epipleptic

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    I'll speak up for the good straight guys. Some old friends of mine got together and one (straight) guy talked about how he made out with this other (straight) guy we knew. No one cared. The reaction was, "At least can say you made out with a dude. Cool." It really depends the crowd you're with. Now, I know some other guys, also old friends, who have the most over the top reactions to anything gay. I just don't get it...
     
  13. Mej7

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    My friends didn't care when I told them I was bi, and they treated me exactly the same. My friends are all females. I'm not sure if their is any extreem difference, but I have noticed that their seem to be more homophobic males than females. I don't know...
    I haven't come out a whole lot, so I could be wrong...