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came out to my third friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by coastgirl, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. coastgirl

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    Well, it's not exactly the third friend who knows, there's an indeterminate amount of gay folks now who know I'm gay or into girls or whatever you want to call it.

    But this was a formal coming out to a straight friend who lives back home. I wrote her an email since I don't really like talking on the phone all that much - not my preferred method of communication. Anyway, she took it SUPER well (I thought she would). I still have to call her. I will probably do it today so I don't let it get too long. I bet the first minute or two of the phone convo will be awkward (for me), but I just have to get through that.

    I'm thinking about sending the same letter (with a few changes) to another friend from home very soon.

    Anyway it was stressful, and I felt kinda weird afterwords. I always get this weird uneasy feeling after coming out to someone. Like I'm naked. Exposed. But then I'm always SO glad I did it. It's always for the best.

    I decided that I had to do it. I am just getting to the point where hanging out with old friends without them knowing about me is just tooo stressful and really just not fun on my part. It's like trying to ignore the elephant in the room that only I can see.



    Anyway....I'll put the emails here in case people are looking for ideas, or need some hope that their friends will respond optimistically. Feel free to use parts of my email if you want.

    --------------------------------------------
    Hi _______!


    I know I’ve owed you a phone call for a while, I’m so sorry I haven’t called you up. I've really been wanting to talk to you, but I've had something kind of hanging over my head that I’ve been meaning to tell you about for a while, but due to some other junk going on in my life I wasn’t really ready. But I consider you a close friend and I trust you, and that’s why I want to tell you.


    So anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’m gay. This may be a surprise to you, or maybe not. I hope you don’t think I’ve been intentionally deceiving you the past few years that I’ve known you. Unfortunately the only person I had been deceiving was myself. I’ve known this since middle school, but I was in deep denial--hoping it would change or go away, or that I could “pray it away.” So I ignored it for a long time.


    About two years ago I decided I had to be honest with myself and stop trying to hope it would change or that I could will it away. I saw that it was just not a healthy way to live my life, and I was getting all sorts of anxiety and other problems because I was suppressing this big part of myself.


    I have realized that I was born this way and it’s just a part of who I am. It’s taken me a long time to figure myself out and come to terms with things. I came out to my friend _____ first since he is gay himself, and I did that right before this past Thanksgiving. I’ve known ______ since college. He moved to [my city] recently and he is a PhD psychologist, so he was a perfect first person. Then I told my other friend from college ___________….well, she kind of pried it out of me hah. So actually telling people is still kind of recent, relatively speaking.


    Only ______ and ______ know, and some new gay friends that I’ve made since the Fall that you haven’t met yet. Many of [my other friends that the friend I'm coming out to knows] don’t know yet. My parents don't know yet either. So I’m still in that process.


    Anyway, I originally wanted to tell you in person, but I’m not sure if I’ll be back until August. I am kind of uncomfortable with big news on the phone as I feel a bit awkward on the phone sometimes. Plus, I didn’t want to call you and just gloss over everything and not mention this. I’ve had some really cool stuff happen in the last few months, but I’ve also been going through some emotional rollercoasters, so it would be a lie to just say things are great and not even mention this big part of my life that’s been undergoing some change.


    I’m still the same person – I haven’t changed a bit. I still have a crazy sense of humor, love surfing, coffee shops, and all that good stuff. I’m just beginning to peel back some layers of myself that I’ve kept under lock and key for years. I think I’ve become a bit more self-confident overall as a result (although telling people still scares me, haha). I’m becoming more in tune with myself, and more optimistic about the future. I also feel quite a bit more relaxed and less stressed out. So although this hasn’t been the easiest path, it’s been a really good thing for me. A year ago I thought this was something I was never, ever going to be able to do. So conquering my fears has been a great process.


    Anyway, I hope you are doing well, and I want to catch up very soon! Let me know when you get this, and let’s talk. I’m also happy to talk about this of course if you have any questions or want to know more. I’m pretty open now, it’s just that first step of actually telling someone is a bit tricky for me still.


    Hope you’ve been getting some good surf :slight_smile: I want to hear about what’s been going on in ______. I miss you, and can't wait to hang out soon when I come back to ______.


    Hugs,


    Coastgirl



    Her Response:

    Aww ______!!! I'm honored that you shared this with me and am so proud of you and happy for you!!! Of course you're still the same awesome, sweet, smart surfer girl you always have been except now that much better :slight_smile:. Truth is such a powerful thing and really should be how we all live our lives. I'm so happy we live in a world today that people can be themselves and celebrate who they are!! If you ever need to talk about it (or not) I'm here. And I'm not going to share this with anyone... it's up to you to decide who and what you want to share with people.... But gosh are you going to break a lot of hearts! Like what's poor ______ and the old dudes who follow you around going to do?!?! LOL!! Just kidding. Call when you have time. Miss you!!

    Lots of love,
    _______
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Thats awesome, congratulations.
     
  3. rg93

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    Thats great news, congrats! :slight_smile: Well written!