I came out to my parents over 2 months ago - and nothing had been said about it since! I wasn't sure if they were totally OK with it, or they were embarassed, or would just rather not know... I had no idea. But I've been seeing someone, and while I wasn't hiding this fact from them, I hadn't told them yet either. It was bothering me. So I called their house today and my dad answered. I told him that I was feeling a little isolated because I hadn't talked to them at all about my being gay since I told them... I wanted to be able to talk to them about it, and for them to feel comfortable asking me about it. I told him that I was seeing someone, and told him a bit about him. He was relieved because... and this is what upset me... he thought that because I was gay I was out at bath houses and cruising and engaged in the only kind of behaviour that he'd heard of gay men engaging in. :eek: Here I was, feeling so good about how things were going in my life, and pretty comfortable with the fact that my parents hadn't freaked out when I told them. In reality, they were freaking out in their own heads, and hadn't asked. :eusa_doh: So I'm VERY happy that I made that call and followed up with them. But I felt sick afterwards, almost like the first time I came out to them. I feel like I need a drink.
Ugh, it's horrible that some people tend to get that image when they think of gay people, but at least you were able to set them straight on it. Hopefully they'll be more comfortable about it now. :icon_wink
I'm really pleased you had that conversation Jim. (*hug*) That makes a really good point too, about not just coming out then saying no more. It was clearly difficult for both of you to raise the subject again, and would be so easy for it to just stay that way. Have a on me. You deserve it.
Good on ya, Jim! It's really awkward after coming out and the people who you confide in don't say or ask anything... I know exactly what you were feeling. But, well done on following up with your parents and making yourself feel better! No pun intended
Oh man, I guess parents thoughts can go wild too! That is great that you brought it up again Jim. Hopefully soon you can take your sweetie home to meet the parents and they will care for him as much as you do!
Well I'm glad you clarified things for them. It always seems to be a bad thing when you come out to parents and they don't say anything. I came out to my parents last year around Christmas and we didn't speak about it again until this Christmas. A WHOLE year went by. I had to set them straight (so to speak) on a few things too.
I think Jim has hit on one of the biggest problems of coming out... the after coming out. In defence of your parents, what other image could your dad have had of you other than that of the stereotypal gay. It is all very confusing and upsetting to find out your child is gay (whatever age) and even more difficult to talk about it, you are scared to say the wrong thing and upset them or say something stupid and annoy them so you say nothing. I went through two weeks of "shall I say something, should I just keep quite, will he bring it up", running through my mind 24 hours a day untill I finally bought it up and he was just SOoooo relieved, my son had spent two weeks thinking, 'well is she going to talk about it or what'! You say nothing and the child thinks everything is OK but in fact you have all sorts of stupid things in your head and don't know where to go to find out more (my biggest problem before I came here). The child says "phew I've come out I don't need to talk about it any more, gosh that was embarassing" and so the lines of communication grind to a halt. Several weeks after coming out my son said to me 'I'm so sorry, if I had known I would have got you more information' And that just about sums it up. The gay person gears themselves up to tell the parents and is worried about their reaction but doesn't take into consideration that their parents probably know NOTHING about the gay community other that what they have seen on the TV and stereotypes. The parents, in a show of support for their child, accept but in reality have been sent to a twilight zone where they feel completely lost, alone and frightened for the future for their child. I'm really glad you found the courage to talk to your parents after your initial coming out, it has probably done them the world of good and calmed their worries. Well done Jim!
Thanks everyone. I've calmed down today, but I still found it really upsetting. When I told them I was gay, I left them with material I had printed from PFLAG Canada http://www.pflagcanada.ca/en/glb-child-e.asp So I thought they would have read that to get a sense - if in fact they had some fundamental questions. We also have a (somewhat distant) relative that's gay, and mom and dad know that he leads a pretty normal life with his partner. Maybe I didn't hear him right or something... At any rate, I won't hesitate to bring it up again, because they do seem to have some misconceptions, and there's no point leaving these things unsaid. This is my life, and this is how I'm going to lead it, and there's no reason for me to 'tippy toe' around the subject. They need to get comfortable with it now - and I'll do my best to help them with that.
It's great you decided to make the call and find out instead of dwelling on the thought that they may not like it.
Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd update this one... so people have some context. I was inspired to update my story based on another 'coming out update' that I just read in here. I still hadn't really talked to my mom and dad again about me being gay, but my dad one day asked how my weekend had been, so I told him that I'd been out with my bf, and had a really great weekend. I brought it back to things that my mom and dad could relate to - FOOD! My bf is a great cook! Way better than I've ever been or likely ever will be. So I relayed to my dad that he'd made us salmon on Friday night, and used the leftovers to make a really nice omlette the following morning, and that we'd had beef stew the following night. My dad was quite impressed! And then the next time I talked to them, they actually asked about him. Well - sort of. They asked if I'd had any fancy meals cooked for me recently! That's practically as good as asking how things were going between us. I'll take it as that, anyway. So things are improving - as you all suspected they would. I haven't introduced him to my parents yet, but he has met my ex wife. She had us in for a drink so that she could meet him, and that went really well.
Jim, I'm so happy for you! Your ex-wife is amazing! Your parents are going to do just fine! All just want you to be happy, that is obvious!
