My dad's a bit of a homophobe and I knew this as I went to tell him I was gay. And he's heart broken. And I'm scared I did something wrong and he's going to do something to himself because of what I told him. I know he won't but it doesn't stop me from worrying and frankly I hate myself. I've been wanting to come out for a really long time and I had somehow convinced myself that my parents would be okay with it given some time but I think they'll always think it's a phase--and that screws with my brain, you know? I mean, I thought after years of feeling suffocated and uncomfortable with myself and unconfident with who I was, I thought that maybe coming out to my parents would help me reach some sort of closure I needed. And the last thing I want to do is hurt them but they themselves told me that "something in them died tonight". I don't know what to do with myself. I've just gone numb.
I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how it feels, since I'm lucky enough to have a family that accepts me. Hopefully, they'll come around, and be more accepting as time goes on and they realise that there's nothing wrong with being gay. I hope you know that none of this is your fault- you have every right to be open and not hide who you are, and you shouldn't have to suffer for things that not only are outside your control, but ultimately have no effect on who you are as a person.
That really sucks and I kinda feel you. I understand what it's like to have parents that aren't supportive. The only thing you can do in this situation is allow them to process it and you just have to keep going. I know that isn't much, but the worst thing you can do in this situation is obsess about it and regret that you did it. You already did it. It's in the past and there's nothing you can do about it. Make the best of it and forge something good out of the aftermath.
I wouldn't say you "shouldn't have," you didn't do anything wrong. This is exactly how I feared my parents would react, though I was very luckily wrong. It sounds like they're reacting with shock right now, and denial. Let's see how it plays out, just remember you are who you are and if they have a problem with something so beautiful and non-harming, then it really is *their* problem. I understand how you feel, I couldn't stand the thought of hurting my parents. But it really is something they have to learn to deal with, they made the decision to raise a kid, and the kid turning out gay is always a possibility that people just refuse to understand. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but stay strong, you'll get through it. You didn't do anything wrong. (*hug*)
I'm kinda worried that's how my parents will react. I already said to myself that I want to try to wait until I'm at least in college to tell them, but I'm not sure. Before this happened, your parents did say "I love you," right? Then hopefully they'll realize that you're the same person they've known all their lives, and that nothing should change. It IS their job to love you unconditionally. They should be the two people that you feel like you can always be yourself around, knowing they won't judge you any differently and see you as the amazing person you are. Hopefully after the denial stage passes, they'll accept you for who you are. Please don't feel like you've done nothing wrong. It's not your fault. If they can't accept you, then it's theirs.
You are not responsible for the actions of other people. They are. And it was downright cruel for your father to even suggest that. What he does with the truth is his responsibility and you should NEVER feel guilty for that. The fact that HE has a hard time processing this information is NOT your problem; but you may want to be patient and sympathetic to him while he sorts things our. It will take some time for them to get their heads around the real you instead of the you they imagined you were. But, you've taken the first step in living honestly and without pretense. NOW you can live sincerely and without pretending to be something you're not. View them with pity and not alienation. It will really change your attitude! Tom
Maybe something died tonight, but something was also born - the real you! Let them get used to knowing you as you. Try not to make it more of a negative experience for them - show them how happy you are. Let them know how hard it was for you to tell them, but you love them and nothing will change that. Hopefully you'll hear the same thing back. If not, trust that it will happen eventually, and keep being your best self!
Thank you guys so much for all the messages. You are all so wonderful and thoughtful and I can't thank you enough. I really needed somewhere to turn and you guys have been so supportive, it's heartwarming. I will keep all these things in mind as I go on. Thank you so much. (*hug*)
Sorry to hear that. I think your dad will be fine. He is probably in a bit of shock. You did what you thought was right, and it helped you.
Its ok you'll be fine and I think your parents will eventually come around as well. It took you a while to process your orientation so they're going through the same thing now. They're also from another generation and they have these negative ideas about what it means to be gay, which are directly contradicted by you their child who they love. Just stay happy and proud of yourself and they will come to terms with who you are.
I'm really sorry this didn't go well and they'd be so cold at a time that you need their love and support. This was really hard for you to do and I hope you know how brave you are for doing that:eusa_clap You're more courageous than this old fart (me) :icon_wink Stay strong and I hope they'll come around soon and you'll gain more confidence and be really happy (*hug*)
I really wish things had gone better for you, and I am sorry that they didn't. I hope that they can accept it, and that you feel better as well. All you can do now is make sure that they know you are still the same person, and that you haven't changed, and give them time to let it sink it. Whatever happens, keep your chin up, and stay strong. EC is here for you(&&&), and I'm sure I can speak for all of us when I say that we are very proud of you, and that it was really brave of you to come out to your parents. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope that things will go better for you soon(*hug*).
This is what I want to tell you: My parents said the same thing. They said that and a whole lot of other things that loving, caring people should never say. But it's VITAL for your sake, and for theirs, that you don't back down. Don't go back in the closet. Don't go back to trying to appease them by acting straight, denying you're gay, or doing anything else that is going to take away their chance to grapple with this truth right now. THIS is the best time in your life to go through this - not when you're in college, or when you're married to someone of the opposite gender because you wanted to make them happy. Don't back down. Just be yourself. Be very loving and helpful and caring toward them, and respectful, but also don't hide the truth. That even means "acting gay" in small ways around them, and having gay friends. It's okay. They say right now that they'll never get over it. They will - but only if you don't run back into the closet.
