I wanted to share my little step towards coming out.: When I came out to my counselor in drug rehad. After about 3 weeks in rehab, my emotions started coming back full force. For the past 3 years I had used drugs to one extent or another( really bad in the last 6-8 months) and had went into denial and tried having meaningless sex with as many women as I could to affirm my "straightness". Anyway, while I was at rehab, I had plenty of time to think about things that normally I would have used drugs to cover up instead of deal with. I started to remember all the guys whom I've had crushes on and how my feelings for guys have been way stronger than the feelings I've had for any woman. This ate at me at and I realized that since I was really young I hoped my feelings would go away but realized that they haven't changed in the slightest. So I decided to tell my counselor. For about 2 weeks I couldn't get the nerve to actually do it even though I swore to myself that I am DEFINITELY going to do it this time! So one day I sat down with her alone in her office and my heart felt like It was going to beat out of my chest before I even started talking. After about 45 minutes of me crying and talking about how I AM different(which is something I've tried to deny for years) and I couldn't say those words: I am gay. I eventually got to say that I felt hated and outcast for my feelings of attraction. At that point I was breathing really heavily, shaking like crazy and scared to death. I got her to guess it in the end, she asked "are you trying to tell me you are attracted to men?" I hung my head and gave a slight nod. It felt like I just admitted to murder. Over the last month since then, I am feeling so much better. I know It will just get better. I can't describe how glad I am that I actually told her, I still have a long ways until I can be open about it and truly express myself but I am very hopeful. thanks for letting me share
Wow, Math! I hope your feel the relief of the burden that weighed on you for so long. This is a first step in healing and becoming whole. Once you can reconcile the gay side of you with the rest of your life, the tensions will become less and life will be so much easier. It's not easy, but you should really be commended for our exceptional bravery in coming out to your counselor. It will make the next time just that much easier. Hang in there. Tracker
thanks Tracker and Force! I am really glad I did that too! The main reason I was able to come out of denial was this 50 year old lesbian in our home group( a group of like 7 people in a session with the counselor on a daily basis) and I connected to her tremendously, like she was reading my mind. She doesn't know it, but she really helped me a lot. I think I am going to try and thank her If I can find out how to get in contact with her.
Well done! You must feel so much better now... one step closer to burning that closet to the ground, eh? I agree with Tracker. Now that you have told one person, it is going to be that little bit easier to tell everyone else. You should try and get in contact with that girl, I think it'd do you some good
Congratulations on telling your counselor! That is an important step. And it's likely that your substance abuse is related to your denial about your sexuality, so dealing with it is a necessary step if your treatment is to be effective. Ask the counselor if you can give her a letter for the woman in your group, or if she can contact the woman with your information.
Hi there! I think it is awesome that you came out to your rehab counselor. From the sounds of it, and having taken the step you did, it will help in improving your life and moving forward. Well done. (*hug*)
Good for you! For both going to rehab, and coming out to your counselor. I started getting sober again last year, and starting realizing that I'm gay and came out to several people, including my gf. I ended up going back out after and then finally went to rehab again. I pretty much had to come out again to my peers there, and started with my counselor. She just said 'so?'. I don't know much about you, what your drug of choice was, or anything. But I am in the same boat as you are. I know I was utterly tired of being miserable in so many ways, that I just decided to do whatever to enjoy life. Learning to love myself, and not care what others think, has been the greatest thing in the world to me. If you ever want to talk, about anything, please let me know. I've been into drugs since I was 14, which included almost several years of a hard drug, and 2 trips to rehab. I know its not easy to get out of, especially when we have to come to terms with our sexuality at the same time.
Hey Friendly ghost, i'd like to PM you, but I'm not a full member. i will be eligible for full member status tomorrow though! I was in denial for several years and drugs really helped with that. eventually i just was depressed and refused to acknowledge why and just used to take the pain away. opiates are my DOC btw.
Opiates were mine too. I don't think that its the reason I used, but it certainly kept me from staying sober until I could get through it. Feel free to pm though, when you can. I'd give you more info, but I can't
Oh wow! It's good that you came out to somebody. I'm glad you feel like a weight has been lifted! Haha.. I personally don't have a problem with being Bi. I just don't know how to tell a homophobic family about it so I can't just be open about it.
