I am so scared....

I know just how you feel w/ the homophobic parents thing, mine are just like that. Some advice that I recieved was to start talking about gay guys like you didn't mind them, or you felt for them. That way your parents might feel more comfortable about them!
And about posting a pic, any one that you meet here from your school would probably be in the same place you are. So there's really nothing to worry about there.

 

Yeah it sucks but it's better than some of the crap you get when the homophobes at your school find out....
That's just my opinion though.

 

I'm sorry about your parents, that's always tough... you know them more than I do, but I'm sure they'd still love you.

About your friends: I'm pretty straight acting, and I did come out to a guy friend who was at least a little homophobic. Nothing has changed in our relationship and he seems to be OK with it (even if he finds it weird...). The bottom line is that as long they're not too homophobic and they respect you, they'll be able to deal with it. Pick the one that you think you're the closest too and/or that will take it best and start with him.

 

Well I was scared as hell before I came out but once i did...i really didn't care about anyone's opinion except my best friends and then the rest i was like "fuck you i don't care what you think" and when my mom went crazy and crying for like 3 days in my mind all i said was "get over it b$tch" lol i think it's also made me more....hard like sentimental wise i don't cry that often...and can't cry even if something is like really sad. But good luck man =]

 

Babyboy....I think your mom will stop making those ignorant comments once you come out to her. Believe me, things change alot. Your mom loves you and she will realize what she's been doing to you all these years by making those comments. I think if I was you, I would go back to that friend you originally came out to and say it again except this time tell the truth and stick to it. Tell your friend you were scared of losing his friendship and that's why you said you were kidding. I think he's going to be okay with it. After that, it will begin to feel easier, I think. Hang in there. Once you are out to everyone, life really is going to be easier. (*hug*)

 

I'm going to go through and address what I can, maybe it will help

I want to post pics of myself but I'm freakin out, thinking somebody from school might see and all that stuff.
If there's anyone here from your school or family, they are either gay themselves or a gay supporter. I wouldn't really worry about anything, since you have to be a registered member to view or use that chat or profile system.

Majority of my friends are straight homophobic guys, and that's one thing that scares me.
Many straight guys put on the homophobic show so they seem straight. Some people tend to get suspicious about people that don't show disapproval of gays, and your friends are probably just following the norm.

The only way to escape homophobic parents is to come out to them and hope it goes well. A lot of homophobic people are really just putting on a show or reacting to stereotypes. Most parents will at least accept their kids, if they don't support them. If you're very worried about their reactions, be sure that they know before you come out to your entire school or they WILL find out.

Hope this stuff all helps you find out what to do!

 

^^great advice!

 

Yep all my friends were all homophobic and stuff and now they don't say a word about it lol. one of my friends said i changed his views on homos. And that im a cool gay lol. And as for my mom har har har she never even mentions anything near somrthing that is related to homosexuality. Coming out rocks so far =]

 

My family and friends are pretty homophobic as well.

Damn conservative town!. . .I can't wait till college. . .

Then again, I have homophobic but great friends who want to be my dorm buddies.

Damn it!

 

omg what a cute avatar Blezikengs. I seriously know what exactly to say as a word of advice because u seem to have pretty liberal friends. I have told only 2 of my friends and my cousin so far about my sexuality and they r ALL girls.

admiting to them opened allot of secrets, like...i didn't know allot of girls here prefered bisexual men cuz they find them more freakier :?

as it relates to my parents, i don't speak to my dad much so i have no idea what he would say to me. i am a mamma's boy and idk if it's being homophobic or just conseated but my mom says stuff like "i heard your principal is queer alex" or she shuns homosexuals in movies, and when my cousin and i went to watch Brokeback Mountain......GOSH! she wouldn't quit talking about it. i hate it when people mix religon with homosexuality. further more, idk if anyone remeber july 2003 when people said Usher was gay and last year march when this huge rumor was goint around supposidly that Neo "admitted" he was gat on tv....my mom wouldn't quit gossiping about it.

basically i would sometimes play along but there were times i would get serious and just back out which sorta got me in a situation once. there was an arguement about homosexuals in Personal Development class and our school guildance counilor was saying they r ordinery people while mejority of the class went up in a frenzy about it and some were even saying "gay people should die and go to hell". so i start debateing the wrongness and ignorance of the students...to the students and a girl WHO I HELPED WITH HER RELATIONSHIP turned on me and started screaming at me "WHY ARE U DEFENDING THEM? ARE U GAY! ARE U GAY!" and i sorta had a nervous breakdown from screaming back at her.

i passed out and not sure what happened after. all i know is that i woke up in the nurses office with a tun of girls around me telling me i did the right thing in class, just not in a proper manner. there and then allot of people at school suspected something but they all changed there mind on school trip day when we played truth or dear and i always chose "dear" cuz i am a pretty much open minded person and crazy enough to do anything


personally i wouldn't call it lieing because u don't see straight people walking around saying "hi, i'm straight" so i really don't see the big deal of gay people having a problem comming out. it's this simple. tell no one. if anyone finds out, say "you never asked" or..."the conversation never came up" ....u know. don't take my word for it, cuz maybe if my mom found out i was gay she would kill me.

 

yea . i know wat you mean . im scared to come out to my mom .. she is so homophobic .. like we went out to dinner one night and the waiter was gay .. and after he left she said "all faggots are a waste of man meat" it pissed me off and made me sad at the same time ... im just scared of what she will do when she finds out.. even IF she finds out =\:icon_redf

 

I do know the feeling of that fear of coming out. I feared it so much I stayed in the closet until I turned 40. You are the only one who knows when it will be right. Don't feel like you have to come out to everyone. Maybe that will come once you are out of school. You will know when it is right. After all you are the one who has to live with your decision you make. For me at 40 it was hard and I was very scared. But if I had to do it over again I would knowing how I feel now. Everything worth while is worth fighting for. Is there a group or person you know who can give you the support you sound you need. I hope great things for you. Good luck with what you decide.

 

Hello so scared:
> My Mother is not homophobic. I was lucky there. But she used to make
> comments like what a waste. My responce was, "not for me." at the time
> she didn't want to hear that from her son. Now we joke about it. If a
> cute waiter waits on me and she is with me. I'll say he's getting a big
> tip. poor service or not.
> she gets imbarraced and smiles. I was married to a woman for 19 years
> and had two children. I left when they where 16 and 18. My daughter is
> so liberial. But she didn't speak to me for three months. I think she
> was hurt and didn't understand any of it. Until one day her best friend
> at the time asked her. "What exactlyl did you dad do wrong? That was her
> turning point. My son it took a while longer until he relized that I was
> the same person. Just new and improved. It's been six years now. a few
> boyfriends later and a failing union with my current spouse. I know
> exacly what I want out of the next person in my life. I found out this
> week that Don and I don't have anything in common if we ever did and we
> are in the process of disolving our vermont civil union. He is bisexual
> and I am strictly gay. I can't give him what he wants and need. And I
> don't share. What I am getting at is that my children and even my exwife
> are supporting us. She even told me tonight if I need someone to talk to
> she is there. She knows just what I am going through. After all I put
> her through the same thing. I'll get to the point. Don't underestimate
> your Mom. She may talk and make comments like she does. But when they
> see how unhappy their loved ones are and the support they will need.
> Alot of the time they come around. My Mom doesn't understand any of it.
> After all she is straight. How can she know. But I explained to her what
> if the tables where turned and the excepted sexuality was being gay,bi,
> etc. etc. etc. And you where looked at as a blemish on society. She
> understood that. But you know your Mom and you are the best judge of if
> you should tell her or not. I have lost friends and thought some of my
> relatives. But after a while they came around. Of course I educated them
> about how I felt and what I went through closeted. Don't forget hatetred
> comes out of ignorance. What people don't understand they fear and can't
> except. That is why it is so important for the ones that are out to make
> themself visable and set an example of how most of us are. I could go on
> and on. But I think you know what I mean. It's scarey I know. I have
> heard of people coming out to most everyone in a place and moving and go
> back in the closet. But once you tell family. You are out forever. I
> really feel for you. It's a tough choice to come all the way out. You
> will learn to ignore the names and jokes and whatever. Don't act on the
> small stuff people tend to stop listening. Consintrate on the big
> picture. Sorry for the long winded email. I bet you can tell that I have
> raised kids. hahahha