Well, I came out to a friend who was like a sister to me. I thought I had someone I'd be able to trust. Ohh I was so wrong. When I told her, she thought I was joking but when she realized I wasn't, she just told me she couldn't be my friend anymore because of what i told her. So instead of feeling happy and relieved that I came out and told someone, I lost a friend and feel totally devastated:icon_sad:Has this happened to anyone else?
I'm really sorry to hear that :icon_sad: But if she told you this, that means she probably didn't feel the same about your friendship. And if she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, it's only her fault and not yours. Coming outs like this one happen. Unfortunately, but they do. Not everyone is prepared to accept you and love you for who you are. But don't let this bad experience discourage you from telling other persons. It doesn't have to be now, give yourself as much time as you need and when you are prepared, just tell someone else you trust. Hopefully it will go better than this time. If you want to talk, just write to my wall and we can chat there (since you're not a full member yet you can't use private messages) (*hug*)
✔ Also, if she would end a friendship because of that, maybe she wasn't that much a friend to begin with. A true friend loves you for who you are, not who you like. If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a wall message (as Sayu mentioned, you can't yet send PM's). All the best, King x
Unfortunately this kind of issue can happen when coming out to someone, but it doesn't happen with everyone you meet in your life. There's also varying factors as to why someone would abandon someone who said that they were gay, regardless of how long they had been friends or close to each other. They could be homophobic or potentially have internalised homophobia that they might not properly understand in a realistic context. I wouldn't worry about it regardless. You will find people who will accept you for who you are and others who won't. The people who don't accept you aren't worth worrying over and if you lose friends over your sexuality, then they weren't true friends.
Awww dude that sucks... but coming out is how we figure out who our real friends are. I lost my whole friend group at school when I came out, and it hurt like hell, but because of that I met some amazing people who accept me for who I am. Stay strong, man, it'll work out. Real friends accept and love you for who you are, not for who they want you to be. <3
I'm really sorry to hear that....but as others have said, it wasn't your fault - you can't help how people react and it's unfortunate she reacted this way. If she truly means it, I'd say she wasn't a real friend anyway. Real friends accept you for who you are, as the above poster said, nothing else. This doesn't mean that others won't be accepting. You will find people who don't care about your orientation, but who you are as a person, and they'll be real friends. I know it must suck, you were really brave in coming out to her, but sadly you can't control people's reactions. Don't let it get you down too much.
Hi, First, i'm really sorry this happened. That's got to be devastating. Second, assuming she isn't an uber-conservative religious type, I think it's possible she had a secret crush on you and so when you told her you were gay, her first response was one of anger that her secret wish could never come true. If thats the case, she may come around after a few days. But -- and I know this isn't what you want to hear -- I do agree with the others that if she doesn't come around, then she wasn't a real friend to begin with. That doesn't make it hurt any less, but at least it helps you realize what the situation is. I can see how this experience would sour you on coming out, and certainly doesn't help your already fragile sense of self about being gay. But it is an atypical experience, and I don't think you'll find this to be the case with other people you choose to come out to.
Sorry but she wasn't your friend to begin with. If she was, she would have accepted you for who you are. I'm sorry that you feel betrayed and I hope you feel better.
Well, first off, it's great that you told someone, because it's not an easy thing to do, so that's a good thing. As for your friend, obviously not much of a good friend if she wasn't going to support you no matter what. Friends stay by you and wouldn't abandon you for coming out, so if she was a good friend, she wouldn't have done that. I'm sure a lot of people, even myself, have had that happen. It sucks, but at the same time, you only realize that they left because they weren't the best friend they could be, and that's not your fault that they couldn't accept it. You'll always have people that accept you, and then there's some that won't. They're just not worth the time, and as much as it may hurt that you lost a friend, at the same time, you lost someone that wasn't 100% there, and, that's something to gain.
She is 7th day adventist. Plus shes married and extremely loyal to her husband. So I doubt she had a crush on me. She never gave any indication that she was homophobic thats why I told her. And I find out today that she took off her friends list on Facebook. I sent her a text to find out why she took it that far, all I got back was "Don't text me again". I dont know what to do right now. I'm at a total loss. I know its not my problem that she cant accept me anymore but part of me cant help but think it wouldve been better had I just kept it in. :bang::bang::bang: ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2012 at 02:00 PM ---------- To add to the prior post, thank you all for your help and kind words. I think you guys are better friends than my own in person. You guys are awesome!
Ugh. Some 7th day adventists can be a little odd. So I can see why she might have put her misguided spiritual beliefs in front of her friendship. That really, really blows, and it sounds like she's really serious about it. And yes, I completely understand why you feel like you shouldn't have told her... because, simply because you were honest, she's punishing you, even though you aren't any different than you were before you told her. That's incredibly small minded on her part... but some people are like that. I've lost friends over the years. Never for being gay, but once or twice for other equally stupid reasons. And it hurts, and sucks. But I can also reiterate that in the end, I did come to realize that anyone who drops a friendship for ridiculous, minor things such as who someone is attracted to... definitely wasn't a real friend in the first place. Hopefully you'll soon find better, more genuine friends who love you for the whole of who you are, instead of some counterfeit representation that isn't really you. Those are the people you want to cherish.
I am meeting alot of really good people thanks to this site. In person, though is another story. But hopefully in time, I'll find some people in my everyday life who are just as understanding as everyone has been on here.
