Recently was my 2nd time coming out to my mum. First time I was 15. We were out at a super expensive restaurant on New Year's with my now ex-stepdad. I told her I was bisexual [which turned out to not be the case as I learned more about myself.] Her response was "That's okey. I experimented myself when I was younger, either way I still love you unconditionally, nothing will change that and if you think you're bi, I accept you." 8 years later to present day... After discovering there was a word for how I felt my whole life, I was elated. I thought I was the only person that felt both female and male. I told my best friend first the very same day, he is a 32y/o VERY cismale and he was accepting but indifferent and didn't treat me any differently than before, which was great. Since that went well, I decided to see what reaction I'd receive from a cis-stranger...Well...it wasn't exactly negative, but he was nebulous enough for me to feel insulted, embarrassed, ashamed and scared. He said I was making it too complicated and what did I mean by I "feel psychologically male?" I felt like a dumbass, and I feel I explained it to him well enough. I was so upset because that was supposed to be the test run for reception by the general public I was going to tell, including my mum. I was peeking out the closet door, but that made me slam it shut and run back into a corner. It only took a day or two before I said, screw this, I'm gonna tell mum. I called her while driving home [don't worry, my car is fancy and has hands-free Bluetooth,] I hadn't seen her in a couple months. This is how the conversation went. Me: Do you love me? Mum: Yes, I love you. Me: Do you really love me, unconditionally, at least for most things, no matter what? Mum: ...Whyyy? What's going on??? Of course I love you. Me: How much do you love me? Mum: I love you with all my heart and soul. Why? Me: Just wanted to make sure before I told you something... Mum: What! What's wrong?! Me: Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to tell you that I'm genderfluid. Mum: Okey, and what does that mean? Me: That means that I'm male...and equally female. Mum: Okey. Me: Sometimes I feel more of one than the other, but for the most part it is balanced. Sometimes I even feel like neither. Mum: That's okey. Me: But don't worry, I don't want sex reassignment surgery. I like my female body for the most part, I'm happy and comfortable with it because I don't feel 100% like a total male. [Except in very specific situations.] Mum: Alright. Me: Also, I'm not bisexual. You know, I never felt comfortable calling myself that...but learning and realizing more about myself...Well, I'm actually straight. I mean, I still love women, and find them sexually attractive, just...as a man. I'm a straight man and straight woman. I don't mean I have multiple personalities, I just feel like both almost all the time. They are always there, along with a third one that makes me feel like no gender at all and I find no one sexually appealing, but they are blended, in harmony mostly to make up one personality that is me. Though, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry a man, since not having a penis depresses me when I am being intimate with a woman because I feel really male when I do that. Mum: Mm, yeah? Okey then. Me: I'm going to legally change my gender to genderfluid. [This was before I found out that you can only change to binary options...boooo!] Mum: Alrighty then honey, I love you. Gotta go. [I called her during work hours.] It was awesome, she accepted it without question as to why. Literally. And also hasn't been treating me negatively or differently. Though, I had a feeling she already knew, as I had discussed the possibility of me being a chimera before. Since that went without incident, I decided to come out to everyone else [friends, family, acquaintances,] with the exception of work. No one was at all surprised, no one asked why or how, and no one said anything bad. Honestly, I think everyone expected it and so were indifferent/accepting. The only time I actually get asked to explain it, are to strangers. Though I'm sure if they knew me, they wouldn't need me to. I feel a lot more whole than I did before. Having a sense of belonging, finding out that I'm not the only one like this. I instantly felt A LOT less lonely. (&&&)
i totally get this. i didn't even know about gender fluidity until I came to EC, but it fits me very well. i still feel more girl than boy, but feel very distinctively male sometimes. I've heard people describe this as percentages of transgenderism. haha like "I'm 30% transgender." however, i still identify as lesbian. that makes it more simple to explain. so glad this went well for you. i can't imagine having this convo with my mom. ever.
Thank you! :icon_bigg Yeah, I've seen people that blog about percentages and ratios. "Today was a 40-50 female-male day..." Yeah, I guess that can work for people that have minimal "transitions." But for me, the ratio of feeling masculine to feminine changes almost every minute, literally. :rolle: Yeah, I still list as bisexual. Easier to advertise to women. I wish there was a word for it, I keep thinking "fluid-heterosexual" would be nice if such a word existed and was common.
I'm so glad that your mother was so accepting! It's always nice to have that kind of support, she seems like a nice person to have in your corner, and glad that it went well with everyone else too!
