hi everyone. my name is jarod and i joined today. i found this site thru someone my friend suggested i add as a friend on facebook, her name is becky. she told me about this site and im going to write down a few things about myself so you know me a little bit more so here goes. Forst im 15 years old and im out to my parents. i told them about my feelings when i was 11. they said its a phase and part of my experimenting. at 12 i knew for sure i was gay. i like girls but most of my thoughts bout sex was towerds guys. hanging out with them all the times and hearing their bosting stories about their girlfriends made me feel a little weird because i hadnt any experience with girls, most was a kiss. when they told there story my thoughts went to pictureing them doing it and not any thoughts of the girl. my mom and dad had been together since the day i was born but they were always fighting over dumb things and when i went to them to tell them i got a feeling im gay, my dad went nutso. they both said its a phase and ill snap out of it, like my dad said,, i better or else. that kinda got me scared but my thoughts stayed the same. i met someone and we hung out as best friends. we showed each other how we were growing and it got to where we touched each other and it felt awsome. we didnt have sex we only felt each other and masterbated. he ended up getting a girlfriend and told my other friends that im a fag. most of them teased me to where i didnt want to go to school anymore, then my dad wondered why my grades sucked, its because i was depresdsed over my friends at school not liking me anymore so i didnt feel like going or doing anything. my dad left my mom 6 months after that over a huge fight, my mom said it was over money but i know in my heart it was because of me. my mom still says im in a phase and ill grow out of these thoughts. well i havent. im gay. im afraid to ask anyone to be my boyfriend because im afraid of rejection or something worse. i met someone that i went to school with, he was a grade lower then me, we came friends and i thought maybe this was the person i could ask out. i never asked him out but we stayed best friends and today we still are, hes had sex and tells me all about it, he did it with a girl but he told me hes bi cuz of the things we did. was that my fault now that hes bi?? i think of stupid thoughts of how im affecting other people. i nevr had anyone to talk to until on class of health our phys ed teacher told us about having no hate towards anyone or diferent skin colour or gender. i figured i could go to him and talk about me and my problems. it happened, he said anytime i need an ear to talk to hes there. i thought its so cool that he would care to listen to me. ive cried a lot of times with him but the best thing he told me was, if i believe in myself, thats the only thing that matters and if i know im not going thru a phase then my future is up to me. hes on my side. my mom is still bein negative towerds me, im almost 16 and she still thinks its a phase, i dont. thank you brady for being my best friend in the world of haters. thanks mr deering for being there when i needed to talk to someone, thanks becky for giving me this site to spill my guts to. hope i can talk to people on here as well. thanks for reading and getting to know me a little more,,, your friend ,,, jarod.
Im just gonna post a quick reply cos im heading to bed, but i wanted to pop in and say; No its not just a phase. Welcome to EC, i hope you like it here, feel free to ask us anything/chat about anything/have a good old rant about anything. Im sorry your parents arent supportive. I think you need some (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Welcome to EC. Know that you are among friends here. Remember if you have any questions or require support that many people here have been through similar situations and are glad to offer advice. I wish you the best, and remember we are here, you are not alone.
Hi Jarod, Thanks for writing such a nice post, well written and your honest thoughts there. You have done some thinking about all of this I can tell. You are blaming yourself for too many things right now. And don't worry about having a boyfriend, or not having one. Of course it would be nice to have one who is totally fun to be with, and is hot as hell, and likes to do sexual things, the exact some things you would want to do. But try and take it slow. There are tons or nice guys, and tons of jerks as well. The good thing about someone saying you are gay (or a fag) or whatever, is that someone else who is gay might hear this and decide to be your friend because of it. It is bad the way you were outed of course. And you do feel bad about several things right now. Don't worry about what phase others think you are in. Just think about yourself, be a little bit selfish for a minute or two. Keep your chin up and know that you going to be fine in a while, maybe a few months or a year. Just that you were able to write this out here is a good thing I think. Keep writing and posting here, and at least get it out in writing, it is good for you and your soul to tell some others how you feel.
