I'm really confused and I don't know where to start, please help

As someone who has struggled with being gay for 49 years and recently came out to my wife of 26 years, I encourage you to really be sure of your feelings and orientation before you make a long-term commitment to your fiance. Breaking it off now would I'm sure be difficult - but nowhere near as difficult as it would be later on. If you don't want to have sex with your fiance, or other men, and you are really turned on by your friend - sounds like you may well be gay! Which is great! Much better you know now. Even though I have been married for a long time, I now identify as gay - not bi. Women don't do anything for me sexually.

For now, I wouldn't worry about labels - but having a conversation with both your friend as well as your fiance about your feelings sooner rather than later might be best for everyone - especially you!

(*hug*)
Maxx

 

I totally understand not wanting to hurt your fiance. When I officially came out as bi to my husband I was lucky in the fact that he's my best friend and he just already knew and was fine with it. Thing is , it dosent always happen that way and years later, with kids involved things can possibly be devistating.

I will take lots of courage to come out to him but I believe in you

 

This may seem simplistic, but if you don't want to have sex with your fiance and think of him mainly as a friend, can he really be the love of your life? Don't you and he both deserve to have friendship as well as passion in your lives?

Just give yourself some time, be honest with yourself and others regarding your feelings. Remember that it isn't 'good' or 'bad' that you feel the way you do (or don't) towards others - it just is. We are who we are, we are attracted to who we are (baby, we were born this way! ). Just be honest with yourself and others in a judgment free way, and you'll be fine.

Maxx

 

First of all - take a deep breath. You'll figure this all out - I promise. Everything is going to work out fine.

Unfortunately, yes, a lot of relationships do lose their fizz after a while - many people settle for an easy situation, a comfortable situation, an expected situation, take the path of least resistance, etc. So easy to do - while being true to yourself is often so difficult.

You deserve to be happy. You. Independent of what everyone thinks you should do, or what *should* make you happy. It is so easy for us to fall prey to what is expected of us.

So... What makes you happy? Right now, it seems your best friend. Maybe there is a relationship there, maybe not - but it seems like one thing is for sure - your fiance is only a good friend and will never likely be more to you.

Can you talk to your fiance about your feelings? From what you are saying, you really are not ready to commit to a lifelong relationship with him... Please don't "settle" - for his sake or yours. You both deserve more. If he is a good friend, he won't want you to "settle" either.

(*hug*)
Maxx

 

Honey, if you don't feel ready to be married yet and only said "yes" out of obligation, you need to get out of this arrangement now. Yes, your fiance will likely be hurt, but it'll be worse if you wait and get married and then need to go through the messy process of divorce. It sounds as though you're questioning your sexual identity and what you want in life, both of which indicate that getting married right now is not in your best interests. Don't let yourself marry a man you don't feel romantically attracted to just because you don't want to hurt anyone -- in the long run, that will end up hurting everyone involved. Break up with your fiance and then go about exploring your sexuality -- it sounds as though you may be gay or at least bisexual. Good luck and sending hugs your way. (*hug*)

 

Hi there and welcome! You've already had some sound advice. You are only able to make choices for yourself based on your knowledge and experience. I really empathise with your position. It is difficult to let go of any serious relationship and I understand you not wanting to jeopardise it, in case it is the one.

However, the doubts you lay out, and the chemistry that exists between you and your friend suggest that you must explore your feelings, and ask more questions here! You and your partner both deserve to be in a passionate relationship. Yes, the fizz does sometimes taper, but be truly honest with yourself and that should help you to make the right decisions. If you have little or no desire to sleep with your fiance then there is a problem.

I've been there, but it was different for me- I was strongly in denial. You are being open and honest about your feelings, at least here. Keep posting and go at your own pace. Don't rush and certainly hold on the wedding plans. As Maxx said, better sooner than later. Yes it would hurt, but it would be far less damaging for both of you.

Rooting for you!

Rose