I did it!

Well...i did it. It's 2008...and i've come out to 2 of my close friends. Oh...it was such a great experience and a huge weight has come of my shoulders.

Well, my story is quite long...so here I go.

Where to begin....hmm. Let's see. Im 16 and have always felt ''i was different'' since I was 13. I was never sexually attracted to women. I told my self then that it was 'a phase' (< --- classic) and that I would eventually like girls. So then puberty hit....and my hormones raged..and i began having feelings. I thought i'd be all over girls.....but I found myself lusting over guys and looking at their bodies. Hmmm...and also. My voice is seriously camp...people think im a women over the phone...lol. So with the onset of secondary school came the ''haha...you sound so gay'' jokes. And that's when I first began to realize I could be gay.

I went into a huge denial stage and began a string of 5 'girlfriends'. I was with these girls....but never really liked them...in that way. And so 2.5 years later,now, im 16...i've finally accepted that im gay . But then anxiety hit me.

The thing is that my main reason for being so worried is mainly because of my parents. I dont want to tell my parents because it would destroy them. I’m from a sri-lankan culture, and to have a gay son would be frowned upon my relatives. This is made worse by the fact that if you’re found out to be gay in Sri Lanka, there is a 10 year jail sentence possibility. My mum isn’t the biggest fan of gays as when she sees them on TV (Graham Norton etc.) she says he doesn’t ’get’ them…..which is quite disheartening. My dad would actually hate me…..he’s a bit racist….doesn’t like black people…gays. There is kind of pressure on me to have children.

I almost attempted suicide 2 weeks ago, but backed out at the last minute. But i decided that if I live my life to my parents wishes....i'd be miserable inside. So i decided that im not coming out to my family....the whole thing is just too complicated and the consequences could be terrible. But then there is the subject of my friends.

I felt like my best friends (Jake and Leo and Joanna) should be the first to know. If they reacted well to it and then found out they were the last to know, they would probably upset that I couldn't tell them straight away. Jake and Leo I hoped would be fine with it. But it's the gossip that is oli/nick...they can promise to keep things quiet, but never will. Oli/Nick will tease me, which I know I should ignore...but it gets to me, oli will then spread it around school...sigh.

But after a long thinking session....i decided to come out...first to my close friends and then see how i feel. Apparently the hardest part of coming out is actually working up the courage to do it, lol. But I decided to tell Joanna, because she told me she was Bi-sexual.....so I knew she would be the most understanding.

So last weekend...we casually met up for coffee at Starbucks (mmmm)....and got a table in the back. And then I did it. Here's how it went.

Ro: I've got News
Jojo: Is it good?
Ro: In my eyes...yes
Jojo: So what is it?
*waits a moment*
Ro: I'm.....gay....*looks away*
Jojo: *Jumps Up*....that's great..celebrate it!...*hugs me*

She then bought me a big cookie and we went shopping in Kingston...yay...she's so cool. And she was the first person I told, and it went wel (and got a free cookiel!!). One down....two to go.

Next up...Leo. Ahh Leo....my innocent finnish friend. He's older than me...by 8 days....but is still so innocent. He didnt know what oral etc. was....awww. Anyway...he's like my closest male friend. I decided that I was going to tell him differenly. So last Monday...over MSN...I told him i had a ''thing'' to tell him...and told him that my 'thing' had made me almost suicidal. He got worried and begged to know what it was. I said...wait till tommorow...and logged off. And so on Tuesday at School....at lunchtime...we met up and I took him to a quiet room and we sat down. Here's how it went:

Ro: So you want to know about my 'thing'?
Leo: Yes!!....why is it so terrible...why are you suicidal??
Ro: Well.....*silence* (damn nerves)
Leo: Well??
Ro: Okay...you know are friendship means the world to me?
Leo: Yes...just tell me....I want to know?
Ro: Okay....hmm...what do the ''popular'' people at school tease me about....being?
Leo:....ooh....Gay?
Ro: Well....yeah.....Im gay *looks away* <---(why do I do that?...lol)
Leo: That's.....*pause*...cool....yeah im okay with it?
*I hug him*
Ro: You're probably insecure now
*We laugh*
Leo: But why were you suicidal over only that?

I then tell him about the whole culture thingy...and he understands...but makes me promise to call him next time I feel like that (he's such a good friend)

And....well that's the story so far!....going to tell Jake soon.....and then see how i feel.

I feel so happy!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :icon_bigg :icon_bigg

 

Im so glad my friends took it well. Currently I live at home with my parents in a town slightly south of London. Thankfully they dont suspect a thing...hehe. I hope one day(...when im not financially dependent on them) that i will be able to tell them...however hard it may be...

 

thanks you guys...*hugs*

lol...random searchin...look what I found ^^^

link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjNmXkzuYrg