kind of a sticky situation?

ok. i haven't told anyone yet (except on here since i think this is just about the only place i can, and not be condescended or berated for it). and yet in some sort of weird, twisted way,......i feel quite safer with no one else i know really knowing. i think mainly the reason is because of family.....and me. add to the top of that my secretly choosing to abandon my family's religion and think for myself, and it seems like coming out may not seem like a good idea, at least at the current time. religion's a huge part in my family and just about most people i know, my younger siblings especially when they come back from church youth camps. ever got the feeling where if you did decide to come out to someone, both them and their known associates would try to force you into some intensive religious counseling to 'ungay' you while trying to reconvert you at the same time, like one of bachmann's 'pray the gay away' sessions (best or worst case scenario) based on your observations of their own remarks of pretty much parroting what they're told on fox news, the ultra nationalist/conservative talk radio shows like limbaugh, hannity, oreilly, beck, savage, ect, or in church? cuz i seriously would rather not want to have a ted haggard type scenario with them, or anyone else.:lol: i come from a long line of deep southern baptist roots with a blend of christian zionism on one side, and an even longer line of staunch traditional catholics on the other, so yeah, religion and politics are pretty important to my immediate family and step family, even one time us taking part in an anti abortion protest, and some street walking/door to door church group evangelism when i was younger. but it had it's funny moments, one kid flipped us off with both middle fingers as his mom drove by (pretty funny to watch). but since we moved several more times and eventually found a more contemporary (i'd say more evolved) church, it seems to have removed some of the more hardline ideology, but i still hear the anti gay/anti non conservative remarks from time to time, just not as much.

i read the others, i see some people who came out at an earlier age than me. got to say, they've got some serious quad (another mass effect reference), more years to be themselves. since i started homeschooling in 11th grade, i've gotten pretty good at being like a unnoticeable shadow while still having to live at my parents house as i search for a job and doing college. i'm normally a very quite person whose learned and lived in silence most of my life, observing the world, keeping an open mind...but not an open mouth...and it's kept me out of a lot of trouble. it's the reason why i've spared myself others' condemnation and kept a generally clean record growing up. it's also one way i came to terms with accepting myself being gay. i guess i learned from the movie 'the untouchable's' sean connery's line "if you want to keep a secret, don't tell the boss". i know others have had, and do have it worse than i do, but seeing these younger people come out to their parents and friends, it does give a bit of hope.

dragon567, Adam123, and a few others and i seem to be on a similar page. but for now.....i think i'll remain subtly illusive......at least until i move out. i think perhaps at that point it won't even matter since i could just cut loose, and live as someone who's at last free to be himself :badgrin:. heh, maybe do some things i regret never doing growing up......like snowboarding or some extreme sport, or actually passionately kissing a guy that's not a fictional turian or in my imagination, or real life sex for the first time..........that sounds fun. would that be so bad?. just.........me....free to see the world not from the confines of a computer, or the being stuck in the 4 corners of a house that pretty much owns you with debt and seals your vision of many things, or something else to hold you back.

um, didn't mean to intentionally sound self demeaning if i did. no pity convention held here on my end, but keelah, that felt good to get it out.

anyways, anyone ever been in this kind of situation before?

 

hey Adam123. Honestly wasn't expecting you to reply, but many thanks. uh, for now I'm just trying to get a full time job anywhere, as in I'm applying for several places a day, so i guess it's just a matter of time. real soon I hope. but it sounds like we really are in a somewhat similar situation, so I'm feeling kind of glad to see we're not that alone here. I mean, I am on EC after all, friendliest bunch of of peeps I'm aware of. so thanks again.

a couple months for you. nice. try to have a plan before you do leave. I'm about to turn 20 next month, so yeay me. I hope you do very well, in spite of whatever fears you may have. i spent nearly most of my teen years in fear, and being afraid is not that great a feeling, even when you learn to cope with it. but soon, no more. and if you do tell your parents, whatever happens, i certainly hope it goes well for you. that does seem to take lots of courage.(*hug*) lots of great people here for you too. (&&&).

best hopes for you.

 

ha, sounds good. hey, an idea. after watching The Matrix, seeing the red/blue pill scene, one way might be asking the question Morpheus style: "what if i told you that ____". i've been thinking about that phrase since earlier today, and it seems to put the question on them rather than pressuring yourself to make coming out so declarative. maybe it might make it easier? that way it's more of a step by step rather than just, boom, all at once. maybe spare some awkward silence? not sure, but just a thought i had.