I came out of the closet, and went back

[Jam]

I was in middle school. I started having a crush on my friend, but I had a boyfriend(yeah, I was young and stupid). So I broke up with him, surprising all my frienda. After a long bout of depression and Internet research, I thought I was bisexual. So I told a few close friends. They were very supportive. Then I told my friend, let's call her rena, how I felt. She told me she liked me too. I was so happy. It was the best thing ever. We weren't officially together, we didn't know how it worked for two girls. So we were close friends. I remember being called a lesbian during that time. Then, one day I wanted to get to school early to see Rena, she always got there early. My mom kept asking why, so intensely. I suddenly burst into tears, screaming "I like Rena!" and blubbering about my sexual orientation.
My dad and mom were looking at me hard, telling my little sister to leave (she was 6). My twin sat there silently, since she knew about this.
They kept saying it wasn't 'godly' and how they didn't raise me right. I felt so shameful, and wrong for loving my friend. My mom told me to sit next to her, and asked me if I found the female body attractive. I said no, I was ashamed. I didn't really like bodies though. At the time I didn't know I was pansexual.

I stopped talking to Rena, I told everyone I was straight at school. I said it was a phase. I ignores Rena. Then a month later mom asks if in bisexual still. I say no, literally walking back into the closet.
My parents are not that homophobic, my mom has lesbian friends, she said 'Its there choice, I don't judge.' what a lie. It hurts to know they won't accept me

On a different note; Rena moved away, thinking I hated her, that was 4 years ago, I'm still trying to get my friend to help me contact her.

Anyway that's my coming out story.
Even though I told my parents it was a phase, I did come out. I started crying while writing this, how sad...

[secretgirlX]

I'm sorry that this is how it happened... Your parents sound pretty homophobic to me... But anyways there's nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are, and there's nothing wrong with you liking girls. I get how they made you feel bad about yourself, but don't let them get to you, they're just being ignorant. You don't have to tell your parents that you are pansexual right now, there's no rush after what happened. But you could tell your friends if you want to. They still might suspect that you are anyways, since you came out and randomly came back in. I think it's a good idea to find Rena, and apologize. Apologize a lot. I hate to say it, but she did nothing wrong, and what you did wasn't at all fair to her. You could see how it goes with her from there. But I hope you're able to contact her.

[Jared]

This sounds a lot like my story. I told my mom I was gay last December and almost immediately went back in the closet, told her I was confused and that I was straight. I agree with secretgirlX, they probably suspect that you aren't straight since straight people tend not to tell their parents that they like someone of the same sex. I'm fairly confident my mom suspects since she has toned down her homophobic remarks a bit and is dropping hints. I would say that if you don't feel comfortable coming out to them, then don't rush it, that was my mistake. Also since they think being gay is a choice be prepared for them to try to "fix this". Hang in there and don't them get you down.