I have never told anyone that I was a lesbian. I was out drinking with my best friend last night. When we left the bar, we were talking about the frustrations of being back home from school, and we got on the topic of talking to our parents. I was tipsy, and I told her that I could barely speak to my parents anymore. She asked why, I stood there for a moment, and I told her. I knew that she kind of knew. She was fine with it, but worried about how living a lie and dating men must make me feel. I was completely hammered by the time I got home. I'm not an emotional person, nor am I an emotional drunk. I never cry, but last night I was sobbing uncontrollably in my parents' arms. Coming out is probably going to happen in a similar fashion. Lately, I can't talk to my parents without my brain screaming 'I'M GAY!' This forum has been so helpful and reassuring, and I thank you all for your stories and support. I now realize that I am never going to marry a man, and that one day I will tell my family. I think I'm glad that my friend knows. I thought I would feel great, and proud, but I don't. I just feel embarrassed. It seems that everyone here says that coming out little by little was the most freeing feeling they've ever experienced. I can't imagine it ever feeling that way. How did you feel while and after coming out to your family and friends? Your parents?
Well, congrats on coming out to the first person, regardless if you were drunk or sober, it is a milestone of sorts. I personally would not be concerned about not feeling euphoric after your first coming out. For many, sure, it can be a case of feeling set free etc, which is great. Whenever I come out to someone, I get a mixture of happiness that they accept me (which has always being the case so far) but also a bit of internal anxiety, which is a combination of embarrassment (I am a bit shy) and paranoia (do they see me differently). I have found that if I can relax in myself a little more and stop overthinking, then I can allow myself to feel more free after successfully coming out.
Congrats on the first coming out-even if you were hammered at the time! For me, my first coming out didn't really change anything-mainly because the person I talked to said she thought I was going through a phrase, and hardly ever mentioned it. The second one made me feel better for a bit, but I think it only really starts to get better when you come out more and more. Hopefully you'll be able to take the next steps soon-ish! Good luck and well done!
Thank you both. The more I think about it, the better I feel. It makes me want to tell more people, it's almost a nauseating feeling... I think I'm going to tell one of my good friends from university later today.
Glad you feel ok about it, I guess try not to let it stress you out too much (.. which is exactly the advice I myself should follow as I do exactly that lol). So did you in fact come out to some of your good friends from university as you suggested in your last post? Don't mean to pressure you, just might be nice to talk about it some if you did. Karl
Hey Karl, I did tell one of my friends at university. I knew there was no turning back, so she knows that I'm not straight. I panicked when she started asking for more details and I stopped responding. I told her to forget I said anything. I go to school pretty far from home, and I know she won't let me brush this aside, but I figure it's better for me to talk about it in person. Joining this forum has made me go from "I'm never coming out" to "I should come out right now," so it feels like I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm an expert at stressing myself out, haha. What's stressing you out? I actually just got back from my morning run and was thinking that it'd be cool to have a hobby that just completely relaxes you. Like how some people say that whenever they play an instrument, or paint, all of their problems melt away. It feels like everything I do winds me up.
Hi Prism, I am glad to hear that you came out to your friend from school. So I figure that you came out to her on Facebook or something online? I think thats a very legit way of coming out to people who aren't closeby but it can be sometimes difficult to casually throw in a "I'm gay" into a FB message. Actually, I came out to cousin on FB recently and pretended that I was looking to visit him with my partner later in the summer, when he asked who my partner is, I said its a man (though I sadly don't even have a bf lol). I think this website is great for building up the courage to come out to more people. I certainly felt just like you when I first joined (ie wanting to come out to the world right NOW) and have felt thats a much better place to be than to feel isolated and scared. Yeah, it seems my personality allows me to be a bit of a worrier. I don't like a lot of ambiguity in my life, so I can easily ridiculously over-think what will this person feel about me if they know I am gay. But of course, of the 20-30 people I have come out to in one context or another over several years, not one has ever been remotely negative. So I need to continue to tell myself to just chill out a bit. I also agree with you that its great to have an activity to help you relax. I played tennis tonight after a long hiatus, was great to get out, do some exercise, socialise. Its a sport I love and am quite good at, so just being on the court gives me a great positive feeling. So where are your thoughts now? You will likely have a good chat with your friend when you return to campus, which I think would be a great idea and not something that you should shy away from. Is there anyone else that you are considering coming out to in the next while? I have always seemed to come out to people in spurts for whatever reason.
Last year a few of us were talking about ex-boyfriends/girlfriends and I was talking about a girl, but switching every "she" with "he" so they'd think it was a guy. We were talking about it through text and I told her I was actually talking about a girl. I'm not sure if I'm even physically able to talk about it in person since I can't even say it out loud to myself. Talking about it through EC, Facebook, or text is so much easier, haha. What did your cousin say when you said it was a man? With the exception of my immediate neighborhood its culture, I'm pretty lucky in that I live in a very large and liberal city. I don't imagine many of my friends would have a problem with it, it's mostly my family. I'm in a bit of a predicament at school. I had a thing going with this guy during the last few weeks of the spring semester and I feel like he expects us to pick up where we left off. I'm trying to think of a good way to break it off without saying I'm a lesbian, but I don't want to lie in case I do come out sometime next year.
