Religious Conditioning to hate

Hi there!

Going to church is a choice. I am Greek Orthodox and was excommunicated for confessing to my priest that I was practising homosexual. I chose to leave and, although I miss the community of the church, I don't regret my decision to follow my heart at all. I do not believe God would condemn me for being who I am.

Your wife has no right to determine whether or with whom you seek counselling. If you are not happy with your cousellor, you can say so and change. If your wife isn't happy, well, that's her choice.

You must not let yourself be cast either as a villain nor allow yourself to become a victim. You have been honest and people should respect you for that.(&&&)

 

(*hug*) what you have done is very brave and you are to be commended for your courage and honesty. it sounds like your wife and your mother are both completely out of line.

as a survivor of the ex-gay movement, I would discourage any attempts at "change" because those do not work. I personally tried several methods of conversion therapy and all they did was serve to make me hate myself, and no change in orientation occurred.

I hope you can figure out a path that will work for you. I can't really offer much advice, but I want to offer whatever encouragement I can.

 

Keep the kids. Your wife doesn't sound like she would give them as good an upbringing as you would. More power to you, mate!

 

idea for thought: find a nice sized stone to keep in your pocket, & sunglasses. pull stone out of pocket, & set it right in front of her next time any hate is thrown at you. given the religious indoctrination, i'm sure she'd know exactly what that means. :badgrin: smile, laugh, then walk out while putting some shades on. (Wont Get Fooled Again plays)

(hope that cheers you up)

 

well i'm glad to help. anyone can keep that idea & use it freely. i wanna know if it silences the uptight people it's used on.

 

Very sorry to hear about all this! If nothing else, cling to the knowledge that your children accept you - and as far as your wife and children go, well, perhaps someday things will change. My suspicion is that your wife goes to these counseling sessions in the hopes of finding out how she can "change" you - i.e., hold on to you.

Don't worry about taking time off from work - given the situation, I think it's entirely warranted. Are you still seeing a (real) counselor yourself? Whether depression or something else, it could probably help a lot in dealing with the situation.

Not sure what else to say except to reaffirm that you're doing nothing wrong! (*hug*) You're just being honest, and in the long run that will be better for you than anything. Hang in there.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Please realize that you did do the right thing though, not only for yourself, but your family as well. As long as you remember that what your wife, mother, and other family members say negatively towards you is wrong and hateful, you'll be ok. It's sad so many people are blindly led to misinterpret the bible and produce hate, ignorance, and intolerance instead of kindness and love like it was intended. It's also really nice to hear that your kids know better and are accepting of you.

 

I'm glad to hear you are taking advice about divorce. It sounds like it might be messy, given your wife's character, but it will be worth it in the end to get your self-respect back.

I wouldn't worry about your mother telling people - they were going to find out eventually and it saves you the trouble of having to pluck up the courage and do the job yourself.

Those that really care for you will not change. Those that do - well - do you really need them in your life?

Your boys are the once most affected, and they love and accept you. (&&&)

 

What about your sons? How old are they? Are they taking the news well?

 

Did he tell you that?

I'm not sure why your journey would cause him to withdraw from his friends - I doubt that you are a conversation point between your son and his friends.

 

Oops, somehow I seem to have missed the entire first post. I must have been sleepy. I'm really sorry about that.
It's good that they understand. The younger generation is more open-minded. I hope that you can somehow get them to side with you, if they haven't already. They are your best chance at convincing others in your family and explaining to them how wrong they are. Maybe you don't even need to do that. Even if all is lost, at least you still have your sons. Do you mean your son is having a problem with you, or is it his own problem? If it has something to do with you, I guess he is just uncomfortable and it may take a while for him to get used to.

And I agree that you need a divorce. It's impossible to live with your family under the circumstance. You need to get away from them as soon as possible. If people call someone else an abomination, especially if they're related to that person, they need to look at themselves. But I was under the impression that you had some financial reasons to stay? If possible, get your wife a good counselor. She is too deluded already.

 

This might be your sons way of dealing with everything.

How old is your son? My seventeen year old started this behavior at about thirteen or fourteen. Not sure why, but in my experience, there are a lot of teens who live like this. We've also had several family members/close family friends pass away in the last four or five years and every time someone passes, my son sleeps for almost two days straight. It's just his way of coping with stressful situations. It does seem like a phase they go through. My son will be starting his senior year of high school, has a girlfriend and just began his first job.

My advice is to just let him know that you are there for him....unconditionally. And that whatever he is going through...you'll be there at the end waiting for him. Sometimes these reassurances are needed (even when the child says that they know this or you think that you've already done this).

BTW....I am a divorced (seemingly, hopelessly closet-locked) gay male. I haven't had the courage to come out. I've made some bad decisions in my life which has already hurt enough people and right now I feel like if I was to come out....it would just create more pain for the people I've already hurt. So....I admire you for being able to come out to your wife (I actually met my wife in church....I understand the whole 'religious' ramifications of your situation.

The teenage years suck....both for teens and parents. I think most parents forget how bad the teen years suck. AND most teens don't seem to get the fact that their parents were once teenagers and have gone through the same difficulties.

 

This may seem a little extreme but if you're paying all the bills and your wife is doing nothing but be abusive (which is what it sounds like), why not give her an ultimatum? If she has such a problem living with an "abomination", she can leave