I can't take this I hate this feeling like I am lieing to everyone of my friends. I loved the joy I felt when I came out to my Best friend, but now I am all depressed again because I am lieing to every one else, I feel so dirty. I hate it!!!!!!!!
I know how you feel, a little part of dies inside every time my mom says she's proud of me, because she doesn't really know who I am. I know if I told her the truth about myself she would never look at me the same way again, my family is uber conservative and religious.
Yeah, I understand that as well. I absolutely hate the fact that I have to hide part of myself from people close to me, but until I'm ready to "face the music" it's something I'm going to have to put up with. How I think of it -- justify it, if you will -- is that it's not exactly your fault. I mean, you wouldn't have to lie if society wasn't the way it is.
People don't have to come out as straight. It's assumed by everyone that someone is until they say otherwise. You're not lying really, their expectations are just wrong. Is there anyone else in your life that you think you could tell that would understand? If you feel like you're lying to the people you love, don't you think that they love you back and might accept you for who you are? Anyway, try to bring up a conversation wiht some people and if they seem open, then you can try to come out. But, don't come out for other's benefits. Only come out when ou're ready.
I know how you feel. I always feel sooooog good when i tell people, I feel like I'm letting so much off of me, but then in the end, I'm still lying and keeping it a secret from everybody else, so I still feel like shit. Don't worry too much about. You'll come out when you feel the time's right for you.