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Came out to Dad....a third time

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Zeraphath, Jan 22, 2008.

  1. Zeraphath

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    Ok...so I recently had a visit with my dad and his wife and I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore and still be myself. So I first told his wife and she looked like she was about to cry. Then we spent the next hour and a half talking about religion.

    So they were about to leave and I told my Dad he was going to have an interesting convo on the way home and explained how I told his wife I am a lesbian. His response was simple...I'm confused.

    Since then he's talked to me less and kept it really short and to the point. I guess he's just got to let it settle on him or something...right?
     
  2. beckyg

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    I would not let the silence go on for long. You should mention it again in a few days and ask him if he has any questions or wants to talk about it.
     
  3. ccdd

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    I'm sorry that your dad's response was not quite as understanding as it could have been... I agree with Becky - I think you really have to pursue this. I mean, you're 29, old enough to know your own mind, and I think maybe your dad must realise this on some level? For you to come out now, after everything, is surely evidence that you know who you are, rather than that you don't? But I think that maybe leave it for a few days, but I would pursue it - he's clearly resisting the truth, although from your post it sounds as though he's not being aggressive about it (although correct me if I'm wrong). Was his reaction 'you're confused' done in such a way to mean "I'm not going to discuss this"? He is clearly hoping you're confused, but somehow (not sure how) you've got to convince him you're not. (Although obviously you already know this....!!) - What I mean is, give it a bit of time, and maybe prod again, and then see what happens? Although there is always the chance he'll be in perpetual denial and *always* think you're confused - but I really, really hope this isn't the case.

    What was the opinion of his wife? Did she believe you, or did she too think it was "confusion"? Do you think she could be your "way in" to convincing him, or would this be too risky? You're Catholic, I believe? Are your dad and his wife too? And when you say you were discussing religion, do you mean in relation to homosexuality? If so, was she supportive of you?

    I haven't really any suggestions other than persistence really - Good Luck!!
     
  4. Astaroth

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    Three times now? That's rough! I really really hope things go better this time around. I really admire you for your perseverence, though. Coming out to someone once is hard enough, let alone three times. Eventually, he's just going to have to accept it.
     
  5. waitingsucks

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    Have you tried getting a close family member to talk with him. I think if he hears it out of someone else's mouth he might accept it on some level and be out of this denial. That's all I could suggest.
     
  6. Jim1454

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    I told my parents, and then there was nothing said about it for 3 months. They said they were fine with it, and just wanted me to be happy. But 3 months later nothing had been said on the topic again. I brought it up, and indeed they had some questions. So I now see that it needs to be me that brings it up once in a while - not to be 'in their face' but to make it clear that this is how I'm going to be living my life, and they're going to be a part of that life, and I'm not going to keep the 'gay' parts separate from the 'parent' parts.

    Good luck though. It's not easy.
     
  7. Zeraphath

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    Thanks guys...the problem is that my father and his wife became messianic (sp?) and really believe that homosexuality is a sin. I put it out there and now I can relax and be myself...if they don't want to accept it (big surprise) then that's their issue. Everyone else I came out to has not only accepted it but actually congratulated me. One of my friends said he figured because I seemed more relaxed.

    As for the confusion, I think he may think this is a phase or as he put it the first time...I've been hurt by so many guys and that's why I feel this way. He really should know better though. I want to say it doesn't bother me but that'd be just another lie.

    I don't know if he will see past the religion aspect. I don't know if he will even entertain other interpretations of the bible. I ask myself and one day maybe I will ask him if I'll ever be seen as a person or just a sin.
     
  8. EthanS

    EthanS Guest

    Rae you and your step mum close?? since she almost cried u must b
     
  9. Zeraphath

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    I don't know for sure how she feels about me but not really on my end although I'm trying. There are underlying issues with that...like my dad marrying her less than a year after my mother died...there's more to that story but it's drama and I don't want to bring that here.
     
  10. Zeraphath

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    Well, I had dinner with my father and his wife last night and nothing came up. I talked with my brother about it and he told me not to even bother with it. He said I don't need him to accept me, I'm fine as I am.

    For my brother this is kinda big. He's still coming to terms with this and doesn't really want to hear about it but I'm not letting it go because he still equates being homosexual with just sex. He's learning...:grin: I'm so proud of him.
     
  11. TriBi

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    Well, your Dad might take some time - but sounds like things went better with your brother and your son.

    Good on you!
     
  12. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    meep... *cannot offer advice but just hug and box of chocs* :grin: