|17th Aug 2012, 10:26 PM||#1|
Out Status: thirteen people and tumblr
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Join Date: Apr 2012
Coming Out Update
So I have been pretty busy and so I haven't had much time to come on here in a while. So this is sorta just an update on my life. I think I have come out to five people since my brother and so I am really happy about that.
1&2 - So I was hanging out at Church with two of my friends, one is a year younger (girl) the other is two years older than me (guy). We had a convo on like who in our group we saw doing stuff. It was like who would be the first one married and all that crap. Pregnancy came up and I made the joke about how one of my friends sees me getting pregnant in high school. I said how I would never become pregnant and then once we were in church, I told her that I would tell them why in a little post church pow wow. So after church we went to the choir room and I said how the only way I could get pregnant was sexual assault, cause I'm gay. They were both supportive and afterwards the girl and I were talking, she was more upset that I told a girl in our group before her. (That girl was the first one I told.) But they were both really cool with it.
3 - One of my cousins, R, lives in Arizona. She is two years younger than me and our relationship is kinda back and forth. When we were little, I didn't really like her. Mainly it was cause I was jealous cause she got more attention and my grandmother seemed to like her better. But as we got older I like her more. And the first night she came out, we pretty much sat on our laptops on tumblr. She watches glee (although not as much as me) and like understands my obsession. I gave her my url so that she could follow me on tumblr and in my head I was like "crap, I need to tell her." So a couple of days later when we were at the beach, I had to go back to my apartment to use the bathroom and I really wanted oreos. So I had her come with me and I told her when we were at my place. She was totally cool with it and we talked for a minute or two about it. Later in the week I pulled my other cousin I am out to to the side and told her that I had come out to R. In her response she told me about how they had a short convo about me it was like "So C told me she was..." and neither of them actually said gay or lesbian but they both sorta knew what the other meant.
4 - Back when my brother and I came out to each other, he asked me who in the family I had come out to. I told him that I had come out to one of our cousins. He suggested that I talk to my aunt who is gay with two kids and that he had like a two hour long conversation with her last year at the beach. So for the beginning of the week, I tried to figure out how to talk to her, it did not help that she had a three week old so she didn't come down to the beach much. So on picture night, I sorta followed her, and when there wasn't anyone near by and I had the courage I was like "do you think we could talk some time, its sorta like what W talked to you about last year?" She was like yeah sure and told me to come over the next day. I was at her place for probably about two hours. We talked a bunch about different things. And the best part was that she had an infant so he nicely filled the would be awkward silences or moments. It was really nice because she sorta knew what I was going through and confirmed my suspicions on how the family reacted. Most everyone was pretty much cool with it. Except for her brother (pretty much my favorite uncle) but they are slowly getting better its actually cause my mom wrote them both a letter before she died. But I am definitely glad I talked to her.
5 - I have mentioned this girl in a lot of threads, the one I went to Colorado with. Well I came out to her in a message on facebook. I sent a pretty long one, it first apologized if she thought that I was bothering her. And then I talked about how it was because I wanted to tell her something but couldn't. I said how cool I thought it was when she came out to us and how it led to me thinking about my own sexuality and then told her how I realized I was in fact a lesbian. I thanked her because with out her coming out I would still probably be in denial or not really thinking about it and how she inspired me. I didn't go on facebook for like a whole day or two, freaking out. I sent it right before I went to a friends house so that I wouldn't be tempted to go on. So this was back in the end of June. Anyways she never responded. At first it bugged me but then I realized that if someone sent me that message, I would have no idea what to say to it. And I don't know if I would respond either. I also think that her not responding has helped me to get over her more. I still think I have feelings for her but definitely not as strong.
The cousin I first came out to has been great, we talk about it every now and then. Not like deep conversations but like how we can't wait to be dating people and how one day she will find the right dude and I will find the right "girly" and how I will be totally whipped and like giggling and other stuff I don't do.
So I am now trying to figure out who I want to come out to next, how and when. Probably someone at school because no one there knows. I have been at the place that when I am asked (except for family probably) I will say that I am. I feel like I am getting a lot closer to that point where I can be fully out. I just feel like it will be easier to do that if I was dating someone. Especially for my family, I could just be like "this is ____, my girlfriend". Well, thanks for reading about my life, any comments or advice is always appreciated.
"Only straight I am is straight up bitch." - Santana Lopez
"It's not about who you are attracted to ultimately, it's about who you fall in love with." - Holly Holiday
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