I thought I'd share this. I'm not really a share-er-er; especially since I'm still not entirely comfortable with my identity, but my friend was really inspirational and kind...and I think that there are a lot of people who could use that right now. Sorry about the grammar, it was a rapid-fire session. Ummmm, so I sort of have something I want to talk about.... But no one can know, so can you promise to keep a secret for me (you'll see why)? OK, I'm here. And yes, I can keep a secret, i promise- my lips are seales. sealed* OK. So, I'm gay. But I sorta hate myself for it, but I gotta tell someone. O hun- why would you hate yourself? its not like you plan it, it just is what it is. Well, it's just...like I'm a dissapointment to everyone who ever cared about me. I told my mom and step dad, and they both said they didn't care and they loved me anyway; but I don't know if I can love me....I mean, I have all these feelings and these things I want to tell people cause I want them to feel better or happy....but then it's like - well, it wouldn't mean anything if they knew I was sooo....well, gay....And then there's everyone that 'thinks' something or starts rumors, and how could I ever be friends with J- and C- if people knew? I'd be a pariah. Sorry, that's a book. omg no stop thinking that way- people love you for who you are. i am sure it is really hard for you right now because you haven't completely 'come out', however if your parents are behind you and love you no matter what then it shouldn't matter- your friends will be there for you no matter what! and being friends with them doesn't matter- just because you are gay doesn't mean you can't have guy friends hun, you just have to be open with them - or don't - whatever works best for you, but don't ever hate yourself... you were ment to be this way and it's not a bad thing, i promise! That is so kind....but not all of my parents are behind me, and most of my family isn't. My dad said he'd "beat the shit" out of me if he found out I was gay, my grandparents are homophobes (except my Step Dad's and my Step Mother's mother) and everyone says all these things about how its so wrong and filthy and disgusting and disgraceful and how god will cast me out...and I believe it all. And I don't want to be gay, I just want to be normal. Ok well thats your problem right there- stop thinking and believing all those things people say. I am a catholic and the church frowns upon gays says they are an abomination, however God talks about love- undeniable love. If you love someone you love them for who they are no matter what! Your parents say that because they aren't faced with the situation. I can tell you this parents can be scary as shit- my uncle was gay from high school- was so worried about what his parents- my grandparents- would say he never told anyone and hid it. he got married and had two wonderful children before he got the nerve to tell anyone. however when he did they embraced him and told him it would be ok. because they would rather have a gay son then no son. it is scary! and i am sorry you have to go through this. i know that you want to be normal but i strongly believe that God made you how you are. you are normal there is nothing wrong with you and once you embrace that then you will know i am speaking the truth. I don't believe gay people are wrong they aren't a abomination to the world they are a part of culture and people are to scared to come to terms with it. I'm just so afraid, A-. If I say the wrong thing, people will know, if I do the wrong thing, people will assume....and if I tell them...I'm just so worried that people are going to leave me. I'm just a big mess, and even if I did get brave enough just to 'live' or whatever, I don't know if I could actually bring myself to be in a relationship with another man. I've tried the whole date women thing, and I thought I had found love at one point...but then it just became so cold and pointless. It sucks, it's like you can love someone, but you can't be passionate about all of them. I always thought the physical component didn't matter and I thought I could just fall in love with the person...but I can't. i really am sorry! i wish i could tell you true love will come along- but i myself have doubts about that. ok answer my a question how did you know i would be ok with it and what made you decide to tell me? why i am asking is because it may give you some insight as to know how and when to tell other people. Well, I knew you were friends with P-, so that was pretty much why. Well, that and you're amazing....and I'm sort of at my wits end with trying to hide things and I thought if I had one friend that knew, it would help. austin i understand because i am a true friend no matter what i don't care. I will be there for the people i love and care about. c- is the same way....I am not saying tell c- because you have to do these things in there own way and time but you do have to look at this as a blessing- when you can tell people and be open and they stay your friend then you know that no matter what happens you will always be loved and will always always have support behind you it doesn't matter to me if you are gay straight or in love with unicorns. you are an amazing person and i wouldn't want you anyway but how you are- you are an amazing friend, a compassionate caring person and you are loved. I promise you when times get bad those that are true to you will step up to the plate and be there for you without ever thinking twice.
