hi.I'm a guy from Tehran - Iran.I'm 21.I started to know about being gay at age 15.But I couldn't accept that untill 2 years ago.Last day I told my parents about my feelings and my sex orientation.You know I couldn't hide this matter anymore.To my suprise,their reaction was good enough specially my mom.They told me that they still love me and this is a very small thing.Yesterday I had a weird feeling about what I did but now I don't know why I told them and actually I regret.In Iran as you may know gay people would be executed because we have a religious(Islamic) country and being gay is not usual either.But our family is not religious at all.Today my parents were acting so usual like they did before but it's just me that have problems with it.Anyway,could you please help me about this very bad feeling that I've got!!!
Wow, your from Iran! Welcome! I don't know why you have such a bad feeling, your parents have said they accept you and love you! Maybe they are acting normal beacuse they genuinely don't believe that your sexuality is somthing to be concerned about? Or are you worried about others finding out? As you said, Iran is a very homophobic nation. In any case, congratulations on coming out to your parents!
Thank you for your immediate answer!!!Yeah.In fact the way they might see me is bothering me.I can't even look into their eyes.Maybe I haven't accepted myself yet.but I know I am gay.I don't want to ignore it.You know,I told them because I needed them to support me in order to have a better relationship.Unfortunately,I wasn't at a good mood when I told them.I mean I wasn't quite satisfied of my self to be gay.And I needed them to help me.Do you think it is okey to talk about these things to my mom?
Welcome to EC! I think you just need to take a deep breath and relax. I think it is perfectly okay to talk to these things with your mom. She shounds really accepting, after all. Let her know that you have no one else to go to.
I don't see why not. You've given the impression that she's supportive. Tell her what's on your mind. She may not have all the answers your after, but that's where places like EC come in handy!
Thank you for your warm welcome and your positive attitude!!!I'm so glad that there are such great humans like you that help people around the world get rid of their problems. I think You're right.I should tell her about my feelings.I'll let you know then:icon_wink ---------- Post added 21st Aug 2012 at 09:37 PM ---------- aha.thanks...I'll try to talk with her.
RealisticBoy - I think parents around the world often have two common traits: they love their children unconditionally, and they worry about their future. In your case it sounds like this is probably true as well - which is great! You have wonderful parents. That being said, being in Iran, with the oppression that gays experience, I'm sure it is worrying for them. While they want to support you in being who you are, I'm sure they are apprehensive of your future. So in addition to talking about *your* feelings with them, it might be good for you to talk to them about *their* feelings, fears, etc. Together I'm sure you'll be able to give each other the support needed - and hopefully one day there will be nowhere on the planet that has such criminal prejudices against something that we as individuals have absolutely no control over. We are who we are ("Baby, I was born this way"). (*hug*) Maxx
Guys!I spoke with my mother and told her that I feel bad,again she told that I've forgotten what you said yesterday cause it's not that important.And she said that I should change the way I look to the things around myself and not to make the things bigger.She said this is a very small thing in the whole circle of the life.I don't know but she didn't want to sit down and listen to what i was trying to say!she just left.what do u think???is that OK?what should I do?
I think your mother loves you, and that's very good. But she doesn't really understand what you are going through. I think you should post here on EC about what you are feeling. A lot of people here have gone through feeling really bad about themselves because of their sexuality. You are not alone in that. Have you thought about whether it might be possible for you to go to college abroad, in a more accepting country?
Of course.I always think about that!But I don't know whether it's worth it to go abroad because of being gay.I really regret I have told my parents.They say that they're okey,but are they really?Specially my dad.He comes to me and acts normal but I become embarrassed.I cant look in his eyes.Somehow I feel that my life is ruined.I wanted them to support me but they seem opposite!
I don't know, it sounds to me like it might be mostly you that is really feeling bad. It's too bad that they don't want to talk about it. That might get better in time, they might just need a while to process it. I don't know enough about your culture to know what different behavior from your parents might mean. Some of these things are different culturally. I think you should definitely go abroad for college, if it is at all possible for you to do so.
Well.How can I explain my culture? Actually my mother says that I should control my mind and not to think a lot about this issue.She can't help me actually.
Well with regards to you're culture, whilst your family may not be muslim per say, you are living in a Islamic Republic so I'm asuming your family is not entirely free from that culture. Maybe I'm being sterotypical but I get the impression that Islamic parents are less open to dicussing thier child's problems or helping them with thier emotional issues etc. I could be completely wrong, I'm just going off my observations. I also think it is just you worrying. Try to relax. Your life is NOT ruined! Your parents are kinda right about your sexuality. It is only a small part of you, it shouldn't define who you are. EDIT: And I agree with Ianthe, you should try to go abroard to study, go somewhere more secular/less homophobic where you can feel more comfortable about being who you are and who knows, maybe meet other like-minded people.
---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2012 at 09:13 AM ---------- [/COLOR] I think you're absolutely right!!!they are not apart of islamic culture ,although they deny it.It's just the way that they might see me which is bothering me.But they seem to be okey.At least,I don't have anything to hide from them anymore.I should stand on my own feet and be strong,they actually couldn't do anything for me.Maybe I should think about having a serious relationship with a guy.Do you have any idea about how to deal with this issue? My parents were the first people that I told them "I'm gay"
I've just sent an email to them.In my email I said: "I love you so much and that was my duty to tell what's going on in my head.It would be better to tell these things to the closest people around yourself and who is better than you.You are so important to me" what do you think guys?
Well I have no idea...how easy is it to have a "serious" gay relationship in Iran? Key thing is not to rush into things. You've come out to you're parents and that's a great start. Just start to relax and enjoy your life/ focus on your education (if you're still in education). One thing this forum has taught me since I've been here is that your sexuality is merely a part of you, it should not define you or completely dominate your life.
hey there, and welcome to EC. congratulations on coming out to your parents. that incredible to hear they're accepting. well, it seems like everyone ^ else beat me to it, but that sounds like it took a lot of courage, well done. please enjoy life, and enjoy it here at EC.
I agree, maybe traveling abroad even for a s hort time would allow you to come to terms with yourself. And your mother, although she can't understand what you are feeling, seems to understand that you being gay is only one part of you. You are still the same person you were before so you do not have to feel ashamed when looking at them!
Welcome, sir! Hey, I am really glad your parents were nice. I am aware of the sexual politics of Iran, so I definitely think that was a really courageous thing for you to do. I would not have done the same in your position. Isn't Tehran probably the most likely place for you to find others like you?
