Only Partially Out of the Closet

Hello,
So I have been in the process of coming out since middle school/high school. I grew up in a very strict, conservative christian home where I have heard things my whole life like "homosexuals are going straight to hell!" and "abortion is evil" and "have sex before marriage and you are going to hell" etc, etc.
Growing up, I was always sexually and emotionally attracted to women over men. I have to emphasize that, because I have dated a lot of men in the past, but mostly just because I wanted to feel normal and accepted in my community/family, and secondly, because I felt powerless and insecure as a woman. A year and a half ago, my brother came out to me at my parents house. We hadn't seen each other in over a year (or 2 years) because of school, etc. and I was (VERY closeted at the time) but also desperately in love with my best friend (I had lost her as a friend because I couldn't stand being around her without telling her my true feelings, and I also couldn't get up the courage to come out to her, so I just ignored her). Therefore, when my bro came out to me (out of the blue) when we were alone (away from parents) I had a weird, automatic response. Without looking up from my computer, I said "No you're not." and left the room. I've never felt more horrible in my life. His response was, "I guess I'm not" and that was it. We haven't spoken again about this in 2 years, and he lives overseas, so I don't get to talk to him much. Despite my callous, hurtful response, I felt somehow free to be open about my sexuality because of his honesty! From that point on, slowly but surely, I summoned up the courage to write to my ex-best friend and tell her my feelings for her. She was a bit shocked, but said she would say hello if she ever saw me around town.
When I got back to school, I tried to meet as many queer folks as I could! I sought them out, starting going to gay bars/clubs, and especially started trying to ask girls out. I went on the most awkward first date where I literally ran away right after dinner.. I was so nervous! It got better over the summer as I started to form friendships with other lesbians/trans/queer people in my community. Here's my problem now: I'm afraid to come out to my brother, my parents, my super-christian-pious-perfect family sister, and I'm afraid to do anything (like cut off my hair, or dress more butch...) because I'm afraid I won't get the jobs I want. (I've interviewed for positions at law firms and political offices) And I've always been judged by men based on my appearance. My ability to be charming and feminine is what so many people LIKE about me... but I don't like it. I feel fake and angry all the time. I hate carrying a purse, and wearing makeup, but I know I won't get the attention I need (the jobs, internships, the invitations to parties, etc) to survive!
As I'm confronted with who I am inside, and the woman everyone else sees and thinks me to be, I feel that somehow I MUST express who I really am, or I will die. If not physically, then in spirit and purpose. In many ways, I feel I need to come out to my parents so that they understand why I want to be a liberal (and not a conservative like they are) and why I don't want to continue working for people who oppress me and my friends and drive us back into hiding. Some of my friends say I'm not gay because I'm too feminine, or that I'm bi because I've dated men/slept with men. The truth is, I have slept with men because I'm lonely or because I feel powerless and uncomfortable in my sexuality (around my straight friends/straight roommates)
Any thoughts or ideas? How do I feel "free" and have people recognize me for who I am?