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Hello people, pls help me how to cope my problem.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by jucahs, Aug 2, 2006.

  1. jucahs

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    Hello guys, I want to come out to my parents but how? you know my father hates gay because they said that gays are idiot, sinner and anti-christ. I dont know what to do? pls help. thanks in advance. Im not out in my friends and cousin. that's why im always alone and my friends call me weird because Im not sociable. Only me, know my sexual preferences. Help.
     
  2. Hey jucahs. In my experiences, friends and peers are more likely to be accepting than parents who have demonstrated anti-gay beliefs. You might think about coming out to your friends first. It could really help w/ the loneliness until you work your way up to telling your parents. Good luck!
     
  3. Brandon

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    Yeah I agree, but make sure that the friends you tell are the ones you can trust to keep it a secret. Because I've had the so called friends that know, and they were itching to just out me to people including my parents. Its not a fun thing to be outed.

    Only you have the choice to know when and where you come out. Don't let someone do it for you. Tell those who will be accepting, and those that you can trust. I know this kind of advice is scary, but take it from someone who thought they had all the time in the world to come out, but was forced to come out.

    As for your parents, if they do find out, or if you find the courage to tell them, they will either love you or not accept you. Its wrong for parents to hate their child because of their sexuality that they can't help from controlling.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. NACHO

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    I Agree To Both Of The Prebious Messeges But I Think That You Should Start Slow. I Mean You Should First Start With Your Best Frind, Talk To Him/her About The Way You Feel [ Like Me I Told Her That I Allway Felt Alone Because I Felt That Every One As So Fake And That I Wish I Could Have Some One Who Could Undestand Me Better Then She Is Like What Do You Mean Then I Told Her That I Was Bisexual Then After A Long Talk She Ended Up Telling Me That She Loves Me More Becuse Now She Will Trust Me More Then Before Becuse I Told Her A Huge Secret. Then I Worked With Some Close Friends! ] So Dont Do It With Like A Group Of People, Why? Well Because If You Do It Person By Person You Will Have An Oportinuty Not Only To Explain Who You Are And What You Feel And Also That They Will Have The Oportunity To Tell You What You Think And If They Are Really Your Friends Then They Will Understand You And Suport You!

    And For As The Parent Go I Dont Know What To Say Because I Have The Same Problem: My Parents Think That Beeing Gay Is The Lowest You Can Get! And I Get So Engry When They Say That That Some Times I've Ran To My Room And Not Came Out Of It For The Rest Of The Day Or Even One Day I Broke A Glass So I Dont Know I Need Advice On The Parents Thing Too!
     
  5. Brandon

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    I agree with NACHO. Its good to go slow, talk with each friend at a time, starting off with the best friend, if the person is really your best friend they'll be able to understand what you feel, if they accept that, then they are a really great friend to you.

    Also the group friends, yeah its good to talk to each friend one at a time, but you need to make sure that one of them doesn't spill the beans to everyone else causing it to backfire on you.

    I still have no idea about the parent situation. As NACHO and you have the same situation going on at the moment. Parents usually have been told by their own parents when growing up about gays, usually back then gays were very rare to come by, and a lot of people HAD to stay in the closet. Today parents usually go through this "I hate gays, I hope they all go to hell", but the bad thing is when it hits close to home they won't know what to say or what to do in the situation. Some parents reactions are harsher than most.

    But if they give you harsh punishment, then they truly never loved you. I know its a bad thing to say to a person, but most parents abandon their children because of their sexuality, and thats a hard thing to deal with. But I'm sure they love you, they just need to realize that gays aren't evil or idiots.

    You just need to be wise on what you choose, and how you do it.
     
  6. NACHO

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    I Know That My Parents Would Never Live Me By Miself! [ Well I Think So ] But I Think That If They Ever Find Out The Truth I Know That Their Heart Will Break. So My Plans For Life Are: Be 18 And Move Some Were Else Im Thinking A Place Names Santa Marnara In Califonia [ Brandon You Probably Know Were It Is Because You Live In Ca Too ] And Start A New Life With New Friends Who Will Know From The Bigening The Real Me. But Why Im Not Teling My Parents? Well Since I Can Remember My Dad Was Allways Telling Me To Join Soccer [ Which I Hate ] And Telling Me To Talk To This Girl Whos Parents Are My Parents Bestfriends [ I Dont Like Her ] So If He Ever Know I Know That Things Will Change Alot In Our Relationship And My Mom I Think That She Will Understand But Im Not Sure At All.
     
  7. Brandon

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    Well NACHO, my best solution for you right now, is to make a thread about this, then you can get the answers you're wanting on a thread of your own. I'll be glad to try to help you along the way, it is a hard path to choose, but you can't change someone to make them accept gays, they just have to deal with it.
     
  8. TriBi

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    To get back to the original thread/poster...

    Jucahs - I see you are from the Philippenes, but I'm not exactly sure where.

    I know that some places there are reasonably accepting of the gay lifestyle - but (from what I have heard) some are quite harshly intolerant.

    All I can really say is that I suggest that you (and as a Mod, I can see that you appear to be beyond your teens) ensure you have some financial independence before you come out to your folks if you are in a part of the country where (or if they particularly) are anti gay.

    Are there gay support groups where you are located? Is it possible for you to contact them and see if they can offer more educated help?

    If you did come out to your parents and they responded badly, are you in a position to have an independent life while they come to terms with it?

    Without knowing you, your location, the prevailing opinions and your particular circumstances - it is very difficult to give useful advice.

    Nevertheless - I am quite sure there must be "Gay Help" organisations within the Philippenes available online - is it possible that they would have a greater understanding of your particular circumstances and be able to offer constructive advice?

    Whatever your situation - I wish you luck - and strength - to find the best way to deal with things.

    I hope that the advice you receive here will be helpful - just bear in mind that it will come from a variety of people - in different locations/circumstances - many of which may be people who live in largely accepting cultures - and we do not know if that applies where you are.

    Good luck, and please let us know how things go and what options you have so we may be able to try and help further.
     
  9. Sam

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    hi well I think its best to start out by telling your closest friend or friends the ones you know you can trust it all goes well they can give you some advice or at least give you the courage to take the next step which is telling your dad. A lot of times a parent can seem like they would not accept you at all even make cruel jokes and say mean things and then they turn around and surprise you. You would be surprised about the difference they make when they realize that their son/daughter is gay it changes their perspective. I hope everything goes well for you. be strong you can do it
     
  10. zbgirl

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    hey this is my first time posting but i want to give you some advice from someone who i a littlebit more experienced. this might sound strange because i am only 13 and i live in a compleetly lbgt accepting country(canada) but i have a sister who is a lesbien and when she wanted to come out to my mom she didnt know what to do because my mom was a little condecending towards all things non-straight. what my sister did was she talked to my more accepting aunt who is like my moms best friend and asked her how to tell my mom and get a good reaction. it all worked out well and i plan to be talking to that aunt soon so that i can come out as well. talk to someone close to your dad who will be accepting and ask them for some suggestions on how to tell him and get the best reaction.