About 10years ago I finally acted on my feelings that I always had towards men. I was just separated from my ex wife and it was the right time in my life to date men. I had the time of my life dating men and have no regrets. I went several years dating only men. Then it happened. I met a beautiful woman that swept me off my feet. We got serious and decided to get married. The problem was she had no knowledge of my interest in men. I wanted to tell her, but never could find the right time or the courage to do so. We have been married for 6 years now and it burdens me that I have to carry this dark secret from her. I am still very attracted to men, watch gay porn often, and fanticies about being with a man. However, I will never act on them because I love my wife more than anything in this world. Well, 2 nights ago I finally told her. She had made a comment about my "manscaping" and asked me if I were gay. I could not deny it. This did not go over very well. She broke down in tears. All I can do is try to console her and answer her questions. One minute she seems almost OK with it, and the next she is in tears again. If she accepts the fact I am attracted to men it will be a great weight off my shoulders and I truly feel knowing will help out relationship. But, if she cannot accept it I fear the worst.:help:
Well, if you're bisexual, then you're not gay! I take it that you are also attracted to women? If you love her (or women in general), what seems to be the problem? Just because you like men too doesn't mean you can't be with her?
Your wife just needs some time. Letting her know this about you is something that she can't just take in and act like she knew it all this time. Your Bi so I don't see the real problem here unless your attacktion to women has stopped or your attacktion to men is over powering your love for your wife.
Just tell her that it is exactly the same as straight men being more than capable of finding another woman attractive, but if they have made a commitment, they won't act on it (in an ideal world of course). Being attracted to men does not make you a cheat.
I think that if you look at it from your wifes perspective, the fact you kept it a secret and only just told her probably means it came as a shock and that she is now fearing the worst and that is that you are not bisexual at all but gay and have been in denial. Dont get me wrong I am not blaming you, just give her some time to come to terms with it and reassure her that its not that you arent attracted to women and that you still love her and find her attractive, im sure she will accept it given some time.
You definitely should of told her before you were married. She maybe thinking if you lied about this what else have you lied about
It took you a long time to accept your sexuality, so it will take a long time for her to accept yours. It sounds like she is going through the stages of loss
Thanks thecat for the link, good reading. Right after telling her I was the most scared I have ever been in my life. She had hundreds of questions and I answered them honestly and openly. Turns out the part of this that is hardest for her was that I did not tell her before, and rightly so. She is actually ok with me being attracted to men and the fact I have slept with other men. I she even hinted that it even turned her on. She still has not gotten to the acceptance part yet, but I don't think telling her will ruin our marriage. Hopefully it is not wishful thinking, but I think it may help out relationship in the end. This may finally have a happy ending.
I'm sure she is afraid she is going to lose you, and rightfully so. As others have said, it's just going to take time for her to understand what has just happened. Be patient! It could help your relationship but she will always be wondering about the future. How do you truly feel about your future with her? Be honest with yourself first.....and then with her. That being said.....I haven't been completely honest with my wife...and I don't feel good about it.
While I hope that others are right here in that she will accept it over time, the question can you actually accept the fact that you will probably never be with another guy agai, unless you cheat on your wife? When the sex wanes between the two of you, will you look for a guy to make up for it? Will your wife always have that in the back of her mind? Don't be lulled into thinking eventually everything will be OK. You are going to have to work harder to make sure it is.
We have been together almost 10 years now. The day I asked her to marry me I knew that meant never being with a man again. I am ok with that. It was keeping it all a secret that was the hard part. It will be a long road and we both will need to make some adjustments now that it is out.
I enjoyed reading the posts from "silverhalo" & "thecat06". This is a tough place to be, I know because I am living it right now. I came out to my wife April 24th and I am just starting to settle down from the shock to myself. She's in heavy duty denial. I do feel for you because I know how bad it can be at times. I have started looking into the topic of homophobia and how pervasive it really is and how it affects one's concept of self too. I believe time will heal and with time truth about one's self may be discovered. Between societal and internalized pressures against homosexuality, this is rough work.
