Just came out with force.

So last night when my mum came home from work I told my mum we needed to talk and that she needed to be prepared to face her demons.

She prepared overnight.

We sat down this afternoon I asked her to wait till I'd finished before speaking and I said the following:

You want to try and help me resolve issues in my life. But before you can I need to share some hard truths about why I have great trouble letting you.

Before you began pushing to get closer to me I had pretty much decided we could never be close. But you've shown me this is something you truly desire, so I want give you another chance.

I want to have a close relationship with you and I know this is something you want too. If I don't say these things then that will never be possible:

1) You've told me before that a mothers love is unconditional, but I feel this isn't true. If it was you would love everything about me, but I can prove you don't:
When I try to talk to you about deep concepts, like greater good or necessary evil, you inevitably tell me that something I've said scares you. Me sharing deep conversations with you has great meaning to me. My thoughts are me, my very deepest self. When we have these conversations I'm sharing something I consider very special with you. When you say I scare you to me that is a judgement and a rejection. You can't love something that scares you. What I think is intrinsically who I am, so you don't love me unconditionally.
This hurts me more than you can possibly know as my introverted nature makes me feel emotional pain far more than I think you understand. Without knowing it you've told me its not okay to think my thoughts, its not okay to be me. Something I've been told far too often, by you and throughout the seven years I spent immersed in a restrictive boarding school culture.
2) You are the only person close to me who judges me. You make me question my self worth. You are the only person who is never supposed to do this.
3) I've seen you be petty, narrow minded, presumptuous, bigoted and homophobic. You seem to have a total disregard for any world view other than your own. I know you think your open minded, but up until now you have provided little evidence to support that.
4) I've observed some of the very worst parts of you. As your son, I feel I deserve to see only the very best.
5) You feel like my number one Critic, but you should be my number one Fan.
I would never tell you these things without cause, they are simply too hurtful. And its not your fault, I know you didn't know what you were doing. I only hope that now I've shared this you can start being the mother I know you want to be. You are capable of great change.
I want to move forward, and I want to let you help me. But you need to help me in my way, not yours. If you can do all this then there is still so much hope for things to come, if you can't … well I will always love you but I'm sorry, we will never be close - only ever more distant.

I'm gay mum. This is something you can no longer make me feel bad about, you no longer have that power over me.

We all have our crosses to bear. You have no right to judge me, only I have that right.

__________________________________________________________________________


Total success, she is completely supportive. No hint of negative reaction.

I'm so happy. Now I can be free, my mum was the root of all my fears about coming out.

For the first time I can see my future lining up in front of me.