Do you ever wish you were outed?

Make sure that when you tell people you let them know that is isn't a secret, and you don't mind if they talk about it.

Also--you don't have to keep officially telling people. Just start pretending like it's common knowledge, and it will be soon enough. Just allow yourself to refer to it even with someone who doesn't know, and then be like--"Oh, yeah. You didn't know? I thought everyone knew by now. Anyway..." and move on with whatever you were talking about.

Just stop worrying about whether people know or not. Let them figure it out, or mention it when it's relevant.

 

I've pretty much moved on to this stage. Some of the looks I've gotten when the penny drops have been priceless :lol:

 

When I first came out as gay, that's pretty much what happened to me. I trusted the wrong person with personal stuff for all the wrong reasons (her being female, me not having any girl friends back then, and my boyfriend pressuring me to) and she got high and outed me to all my friends. It doesn't necessarily make things easier. None of them were just like, "Hey I heard you're gay and I don't care." Or at least very few did. It was still an awkward (and still kind of is to a less extent because I don't talk about this stuff much) situation where they knew I was dating a guy, and I knew they knew, but we didn't talk about it.

I do still try to leave my internet history open and stuff so people might find out I'm trans because that would be easier than sitting down and telling them =/

 

Words of wisdom.

At one point coming out stops feeling like coming out. You just go through your day, doing your thing and you allow yourself to be completely honest. People can either find out or not, but at that point it really doesn't matter. Makes life oh so much easier

That being said, when I started coming out I did specifically told my friend to spread it like wild fire. We ended up telling two girls who we knew were gossips and that seemed to be the trick haha

 

I probably will be outed sooner or later. A person that I barely know, never mind trust knows I'm gay and a friend with a big mouth knows I'm gay - I'm screwed. xD

 

you might think being outed is a good idea but it isnt, from personal experience you get alot of loser who think they are better than you because you're gay, then they use that as an opening conversation with other people and poisoning their ideas with how bad being gay is.

 

No. I'd be pretty pissed if people did that without my permission.

Saying that stuff without a person's consent is very cruel. You'll find that most LGBTQ people don't want some blabbermouth telling everyone as it can be very traumatizing.

Just think about it. If most of us have a tough time merely coming out to our families, what makes you think we would prefer if other people told the world for us?

When I came out myself it was empowering. The empowerment enabled me to continue telling others. Being deprived of that would've been the worst thing in the world.

 

I had someone I trusted out me it was a bad horrible experience and I eventually got in a fist fight with him, bad way to handle it but now we are best friends and he and I understand each other. But I do not think it would have changed anything between the people that learned I mean some were just random strangers and the friends that I had there were just kinda apathetic about it.

 

Does anyone ever really want others to out them? It seems kinda weird to me.

 

When I came out to my mum, she asked me if I wanted her to tell my dad and I said yes cos I was too scared to tell him. It was a great relief!

When coming out to friends, in the beginning I asked them to keep it a secret. Now though, I'm starting to think that they might as well tell other people. So now instead of saying "don't tell anyone", I don't say anything specific so they can do what they want.

I haven't yet reached the stage where I act like everyone knows and mention it when relevant but I'll get to it eventually I hope!

 

When I came out to my school, I deliberately made use of the gossip network. On a hike/walk/thing with my class and two other classes in my year, I mentioned it casually to a couple people I knew would spread it. The news went up and down the long line, and though that day and the next one were a barrage of questions about if it was true and how I knew, it saved a lot of time and effort telling them individually.

I don't want someone or something to out me by accident when it's private, though.

 

He is talking about being outed AFTER you are ready to come out. So in reality is less like outing and more like one way to come out.

 

Well the way he said "people spreading the gossip" made me think he meant people going behind your back.

Of course nobody would be fine with that. I'll tell who I want to tell and that's that.

 

Sometimes I actually do, because I wouldn't have to do it then and I wouldn't have to stress anymore about the way I should come out

But on the other hand... I think it's a lot better when you do it when you are prepared and ready to face every possible reaction you could get

Maybe it depends on the person I would be outed to

 

It's not like I want people to spread the gossip about me, but I'm at a point where, if it were to happen, I don't really care anymore. I used to be super paranoid that people who I've told I'm gay would out me, but I realised that in the end I would need to come out anyway.
Besides being paranoid about it I also stopped making any efforts to hide my sexuality. And stopped to actively tell people about it. It's pretty much a public secret and I assume most people have their suspicions. So now I act the way I want to, and if someone would ask me about my sexuality or something along those lines (girlfriends etc), I'll tell them I'm gay.

 

No, my anxiety gets really bad when I know people are talking about me lol.
I'm still in highschool, and my cousin and brother go to the same school as me so they would end up knowing.

 

I think thats one of my worse nightmares.
having someone take out of my control my ability to access the situation before deciding what to do.
that fear may also come from living in an area where gay were openly abused which made me even more terrified of coming out to anyone in case they spread it.

 

I definitely would not want that to happen now, or anytime soon. By May/June of 2013 though, I will be in a position, one way or another, where I won't have to care so much anymore about whether anyone found out.

 

Yeah, I mean I'm out to a bunch of people now anyways. So it'd kinda be easier just having the rest of people knowing. My problem is that I don't know if some of my friends know or not. Like I just found out my boyfriend didn't know I was bisexual the other day (now he does...), but I figured he already knew. So someone outing me would be easier.