Most of you may not have read my previous posts so here is a brief summary of my situation: I was depressed for a very long time due to mixed reasons, one of them being my sexuality. My current situation warranted my parents' visit from thousands of miles away to check up on me at my university, including the cops, my sponsors, and the crisis team. Despite their visit, I did not tell them (parents) about the cause of my depression. I did, however, told the counsellors and psych-related personnels. (To those interested in the longer version, pls see the following link) http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/68642-rock-bottom.html Today, I've been 'guilted' into coming out to my sister after reading her emails regarding my mum's condition at home. After being told that she (mum) spent half a day crying, I could not bear it any longer and decided to confide in my sister in hopes that she would understand where I'm coming from and why I decided to keep everything from them. In my email, I came out to her and told her not to tell my parents and let me come out to them on my own terms. I have just sent the email minutes ago and right now, evidently, I feel compelled to share this with someone because I am so afraid of the repercussions of my action. I don't think I could bear any rejection at this very moment so I choose to vent my thoughts here before I break down. If you managed to read up till here, thank you for your attention. I just need to rant somewhere because the one thing I learned from my numerous consults with psychologists is that the mere act of confiding this to someone is, in itself, therapeutic and helpful.
I almost did a similar thing with my sister, it was a mistake. I was really emotional at the time, but despite my best wishes it would go over very very poorly. However it worked out fine, I just felt it was unnecessary and only caused my sister worry.
It's certainly understandable that you are concerned; I think the biggest challenge of coming out is fear of unknown reactions. But maybe you should give it a few days and see what happens, since it's out of your hands. Maybe it will help you to have some support from someone in your family.
@olin Yes, that's precisely my fear. I haven't gotten any reply from her because she probably hasn't read it yet. @DoriaN Pls help me clarify what you're trying to convey here because it's very confusing to me. What do you think was unnecessary? My coming out to her was pointless? Her emails to me regarding my mum's concern was wrong? Or my insistence on keeping my parents from the truth behind my depression is "unnecessary"?
Just an update because I think it's a milestone in my life, my sis read the email and as I have suspected, she is very accepting and in fact, excited that I'm gay, as weird as that (her excitement) may sound. Frankly speaking, when I sent her the email, I already feel slightly liberated before I knew her reaction for certain. And after reading her reply, there is this burning sensation in my heart that I can't really describe. I guess the closest sensation that I had in comparison is when I have a crush on someone, minus the whole mind numbing sensation in the head and lost for words when I cross eyes with him. There is an undisputed clarity in my head right now. Thankfully, she understood and indulged me in my request for her to keep it to herself. I'm still very worried about my parents and my future in general. Truthfully, I am more worried about my future as a gay man rather than my parents' reactions. In a way, I am somewhat emotionally prepared if they disown me so a small part of me don't really care about what they think about it. I just don't know what will happen now that I chose to come out to someone close to me. Coming out to your family is the hardest part. Now that I have cleared one of the toughest hurdles, I feel like I should come out to my friends, to others. I feel like I'm prepared. At the same time, I'm also worried about going ahead of myself by coming out when I'm having this adrenaline rush. I understand that there is no rush in this matter but there is this part of me that wants to scream out to the world.
That's fantastic news!! I'm really glad that your sister was so supportive about it all As for coming out to other people, I would usually say go for it, but considering everything maybe give it a day or two for everything to settle down. Until then, enjoy and celebrate this moment. The future will come and the rest will be sorted, but right now its what matters. You finally did it. Go you
