Hey everyone. For those who don't know I started hormone therapy this week. Unfortunately very few irl people know I'm doing this. Almost two years ago I came out to my parents as gay. They are still in total denial. We haven't talked about it since. My mother told me back then not to tell my sisters. I'm getting kind of sick of following that request. My sister is 17 almost 18 and the byproduct of a Catholic school and home. I already know this news will crush her and probably make her very mad at me. I need to trust her to keep this from our parents for the time being though. I'm thinking about being completely honest with her and telling her that not wanting to hurt them is the only reason I've held off, but I just don't want to live if I can't transition. (sorry for the debby downer moment) Do you think its a bad idea to bring up my suicidal feelings preceeding all of this. I think its the only way for them to maybe understand. I mean my motivation for the feelings was thinking that they would be happier if I did. How much worse do people think a homophobic Catholic family would feel about a trans child compared to a gay son? Does anyone know any resources or anything I should provide her that might be helpful for trans stuff? I'm really worried about this decision but I can't take the guilt of transitioning without any of my family's knowledge.
I actually went through something similar, I tried to tell my sister but failed. What I did do though was pretend to be gay and drop hints, which she eventually picked up on. She said "I don't think its right but I love you and it doesn't change anything for us." She was a little more relieved to hear I was not gay than I would have liked but considering shes 19 and super Christian it could have been worse. A hate the sin, love the sinner idea I guess. Your sister will likely find out someday, I would say go for it, just know the consequences and worst case scenario.
Worst case scenario is probably that she tells me parents, they flip out, and tell me to stop transitioning or they stop paying for my rent, car, phone, etc. In which case I would probably just end up stopping until another year when I'm out of college.
Ouch... Then I would say wait until you are self sufficient. Lucky you, i have paid $500 monthly rent to my parents since I was 18, just recently bought my own car and paid for my own gas and insurance and am now saving up for HRT FFS and SRS. ---------- Post added 6th Sep 2012 at 02:53 PM ---------- Edit: same for phone and my schooling, they did it so I wasnt spoiled... No allowance growing up either, I'm jelly
Well since I still have a year left of college, and I'm already on HRT, it seems pretty hard to wait to tell them until I'm done =/
Mmm, wear loose clothing around your chest and you should be fine I imagine, I cannot forsee any other telltale signs unless you make them appearent. *shrug*
Yeah, I've already been getting bitched at 5 times a day for needing a hair cut -____- Yeah, I'm looking forward to hoody season, and scared for the end of it >.< I just got out of one of my two trans support groups I attend. Talked in great deal about coming out to my sister. Their basic advice was don't do it unless you know it won't bite you in the ass, to which I cannot be sure of, so idk what I'm gonna do at this point. I just don't know how long I can take this feeling of transitioning behind people's backs. It just makes me feel like a bad person =/
It's hard to say. When I came out as trans, my mum said it would have been a lot easier (a non-issue really) to deal with if I had told her I was a lesbian. She isn't homophobic though, and compared to many others, my coming out went swimmingly. On the other hand, I know someone from a queer youth group I go to who, when he came out to his religious grandmother as trans, had an overwhelmingly positive reaction. It was only when she learned he was a gay FTM that she had a problem, and led to the annoying "Why not just stay a girl if you want to be with guys?" type of questions. Anyway, it really depends on how your family sees transexuality. Do they see it as a choice, a sin, a medical condition, mental illness, etc? You could maybe test the waters by subtly bringing it up, if you don't already know how they view it. I'm not really a book or movie kind of person, and neither is my family. My gender therapist gave me some stuff to show my parents, but honestly, they didn't much care. They watched maybe a few short documentaries, but mostly, I just talked to them about how I felt after leaving them to their thoughts for a bit. So, I can't help you if you're looking for something like that. Local resources, like PFLAG, I can definitely recommend though. I accompanied my mum to some meetings, and she was surprisingly vocal at them. I feel like the group really helped her. Perhaps your sister would find it useful. As for your situation, I think you've already weighed the pros and cons well; in the end, you know your sister better than we do. What I would like to say is that, if you do tell her, and she brings it up to your parents, you mentioned that you would stop HRT if they threatened to financially cut you off. Don't quote me on this, but I really don't think stopping hormones right after starting looks great to doctors or therapists; they may be weary to approve you again for it in the future. Yes, if a person finds that they're not ready for whatever reason, I encourage them to stop because some effects of hormones are permanent, but unfortunately the people in charge of you receiving them probably don't think that way. It could make it more difficult --- just something to think about. Also, speaking from experience this time, having a "taste" of hormones and then having them suddenly taken away, absolutely sucks. Seriously, it feels awful, and considering you were in a depression before this, you might have another set back. You have to ask yourself if you think you can handle not only postponing your transition in that case, but your own parents being non-supportive in your time of need.
Well, I have memory from when I was little. My mother and I were discussing the movie the Matrix. She basically said, "It might be a good movie, but one of the writers had a sex change." I can't really explain her tone well through here, but it was clear she didn't want to watch the movie simply because it had a transgender writer. So I guess that can be some kind of clue into her thought process. I think it would be safe to say both of my parents think of them as freaks, and while I try not to show it, that kind of makes me feel like one too =/ I mean, you know I know better then to indulge that, but its still there on some level. Ugh, I've thought about this, and believe me I don't want to stop. I really don't. I mean really this happened faster than I expected. I was planning on starting by my next birthday which is in March. Originally I was just planning on getting on spiro (testosterone antagonist) until later in the school year. Then as I set up appointments, the temptation just got too much. I felt like I couldn't wait any longer. I don't regret starting, I'm just worried about the consequences. I already had a taste before I started my prescription. To be completely honest I tried a friend of mine's dose one night a few weeks ago. I don't recommend it to other people, and I didn't even want to bring it up on here because I don't want to encourage other's to take hormones with a prescription, but I know what you mean. After that first dose it was like, I just couldn't wait any longer. They've always been non-supportive. I honestly believe they would be less upset if I died than if I came out as trans. I genuinely believe that. I mean, my mother told me being gay is worse than her dad dying. What does that make being trans? Worse than then death of all of her children. I'm getting to the point where I care less about what they think, and care more about hating myself for sitting there and acting like I don't disagree with all of the worthless bable that comes out of their mouths. Like Christmas Even when we had relatives over and I had to sit there and listen to how America was going to collapse because its legalizing gay marriage and that's what caused the Roman Empire to collapse. I'm so sick of ignorance, and stupidity and I just really can't take it anymore. I'm tired of feeling like such an awful person for not sticking up for who I am because I don't want to start shit with my family, and because they pay for everything... Ugh, I just want to enjoy my transition and I feel like I'm so worried with this stuff its more stress than anything...
My dad said the two worst things I could do to him were kill him, or change my gender. Sooo....... Yeah........ Really hurts........ I understand the freak thing...
