My mother knows about my sexuality, and she's obviously looking for confirmation. I know she wouldn't be against my sexuality but she has social interaction issues when it comes to talking about serious things, so my relationship with her isn't one of those "go for mum for advice/rant/support etc" for this reason. She's says it's because of her parents not being at home enough to offer this support and thus she never really learned how to talk about such things without being awkward (it really is awkward with her, or she makes the situation worse). Anyway, to my point. She's dropped the bomb on a number occassions that she knows - not directly asking "are you gay" - but close enough. For example I was ranting about the girl I was dating (my mum just knows her as my close friend and hanging out lol) and how it seems I was just flavour of the month now and again (you get the drift). I went on to defend the girl (infatuated me sticking up for someone when they're in the wrong) saying she was having issues with her ex - when my mum interupted saying "her ex - who is a girl?". Before I could even process I immediately answered "No.!?", she replied with "Oh... Okay" and we were left in an awkward silence. :bang: This is not the first time I've ruined a perfect opportunity to come out . The thing is - as far as I'm aware I'm over the internalized homophobia / denial / shame of being gay. I'm perfectly fine with it. The only reason I'm not out to friends is the religion issue, and not out to mum because of the above happening all the time. A part from these groups of people I'm pretty much open about liking girls. How can I use the opportunity when it arises to come out to her?
I'd recommend practicing saying ''yes'' to yourself, so that when you get asked that question again, you don't immediately jump to reject it. It's hard to do considering how easily you get used to being in the closet and denying it all the time. You should try forming that good habit now so you don't get stuck with it, which will only create more awkward situations.
Nope, which is why a part from awkwardness there should be nothing holding me back. I'll give practicing the scenario a shot. Sounds deconditioning the "no" may be the best way. It's annoying because I know so many people would love to have the opportunity to come out presented to them like this and yet I can't even utilise it.
I would suggest having a private lunch one weekend day (or some time when your mom is not busy). Just the two of you can have sandwiches, tea, and conversation. You will need at least an hour or two.
I'd just say do your best to answer "Yes" if she ever asks. When I was younger and before I'd completely come to terms with myself, my family would sometimes directly ask me if I'm gay (I'm not a flamer or anything like that, it's just that I've never been interested in girls - though I've never let on that I'm interested in guys either). Anyway, of course I would always get scared and defensive and go "NO! Of course not! Why, that's ridiculous!!". Fast forward to today, now that I'm ready to just admit it... Well, no one asks anymore!! In fact it's been a few years at least. Which leaves me the awkward predicament of bringing it up myself out of the blue and making a big thing of it. Not to mention having to utter those difficult words, "I'm gay", which seems so much harder than just saying "Yes." How I wish someone else would bring it up just one more time, rather than leaving the burden on me. Alas. Best wishes for you.
