Coming Out (One Year Later)

This might be a long post, I hope not as many people usually won't read such long stories these days.

Well as August rolls in, I find out that August 30th is the day I came out to my Dad. Looking back on it, has probably been the most emotional time I've had all through my 2006 year. I've gone through so many problems in my life that nothing compares to what happened that day in 2005. Before I go onto my long story, if you haven't came across the two threads that I posted I suggest you read it in order to understand.

Coming out to Dad
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=346

Alrighty, well where do I start. Sometime in August 2005 I started school, at the time I had absolutely no physical friends. The only friends I had were the people I talk on online, usually that helped me get things off my chest, a few cyber hugs and kisses helped. But I always felt that I needed a REAL hug, a REAL kiss from someone that I knew and cared about in my life. I didn't have that, all through 2005 when going to school I would try to make friends, I would go through hard times losing them when they found out about my sexuality.

But I continued to go on with school, I knew that school wasn't a place for me to find friends, it was a place to learn, but it was so hard walking around the college seeing couples kissing, holding hands and holding each other close, friends laughing and sitting around a small group talking about their lives. It was hard for me not to cry, but when waiting for my Mom to finish class at night I would sit on a bench crying my eyes out and listening to my MP3 player. Sometimes I asked myself what was I doing wrong, I just couldn't understand. Through the months of going to school I just had to deal with my own problems and deal with the tears of crying myself to sleep. I had to be strong, if I could heal and deal with the lose of relationships than I can deal with this.

Then comes August, I don't know, maybe it was the worst month of my life. Talking to somebody who I felt I could trust. The guy was around 56 years old, yeah I know what you might be thinking, he was probably just going to use me because I was young and dumb. Well I would talk to him a lot, almost every day when I got out of school. I felt that I could trust him, that I could tell him all my problems, and what I was feeling. Well he wanted me to be more than just a friend. He didn't want me for sex, he wanted me to be his Son. Actually adopt me to where I had his last name, and I was his Son. I felt a little weirded out by that. I don't know what was going through my head, but with the problems I was going through at the time.

I always felt that my parents didn't love me, that they didn't care about me, that they might know I'm gay and soon might kick me out of the house. You hear so many bad negative stories about this that you start to feel that maybe it will happen to you when your parents find out. I would just go on and hope that they wouldn't do such a thing. I told him that I don't think I could accept the offer of being adopted by him, then he offered me a job in script reading.

As he has read all my stories and some poems that I did. I consider myself a beginner at writing, I don't think I'm better than any of the other authors that publish stories, either it being a fictional story or a non fictional story. I told my parents about it, then he came over to my house and give me information on what I was going to do for the job. He got into a huge fight with my Mom. The guy thought that I should be taken away from my parents, that I should leave my home and not see my parents again. It was getting too damn crazy. After I told him to leave my house, he was angry, he was beyond pissed off. He left, my Mom told my Dad, and then thats what it all begin.

On that day which you can read on the link, was probably so sudden, I never expected that to just come around the corner and hit me right in the eye like a jab to the face. I cried, I was so hurt, but when I came out to both my parents, I went to school feeling great, like a huge amount of weight had been lifted off my body. That I could walk around proudly about who I was, and that it was okay, I wasn't on the streets, my parents loved me for who I am. But I think after that, they totally didn't trust people on the Internet. Yeah it could be an easy way to get your problems off your chest, but then there are a lot of people that aren't safe. This situation is a good example.

I'm not saying all older men usually would want to do this, I don't really know what his true intentions were. But it did end our friendship, and I will never speak to the man again, never in my life, even if he all of a sudden private messages me or talks to me in person I'll ignore him. He ruined my life and I hope he's satisified about his actions.

A couple of weeks after he did this I met two guys that I talked to on the Internet, when I met them, they were so accepting, so caring to take a complete stranger under their wing. I've been talking to them and hanging out with them for almost a year now. I went to Gay Days at Disneyland with them in October 2005, I plan to do it again this year as well.

Yeah it does get a little bad when you're going to school, and unable to hang out with friends, I only was able to hang out with my friends three times this year. But I still talk to them through myspace and all that.

So a year later passes, and remembering it brings tears to my eyes, knowing that I was outed, that I didn't have a choice to choose when or where I came out of the closet. My time was totally cut off, so this is a lesson to people who sometimes feel they have all the time in the world. If you want that time, don't tell anyone that you don't feel you can trust, or you hardly know. Because it can come back to you and really make things worse for you.

It could of been worse in my situation, because the guy could of been a insane man to where he could of used me and killed me.

I just hope the younger generation can be careful with what goes on in their life. You need to take each step slowly, choose your decisions wisely, as you can't turn the choices you've made back.

Hugs to all the people out there who are struggling on coming out to someone in their lives. (&&&)

 

I would say if you were outed by your Mom, then I mean I don't care if I was outed by my Mom. But I was outed by a complete stranger, someone that I've only met once and already felt weirded out by his presense.

I felt happy that everything was okay after, but it could of been worse, my parents could of been the type that couldn't accept one's sexuality and kicked me out of the house.

 

As long as you get to choose when you come out, then its probably the best way to go.

I was talking to a friend a couple of days ago who said that his Brother in law came out to the entire family, had the whole family in the room, he came out and everyone accepted him. Thats choice of choosing when to come out to everyone.